GOING TO A PARTY

Even after seven years of sobriety I still have a hard time at the odd party or dance.

Most of the time it is fun, the dancing, the eating and the talking. We live in a small town and we know most everyone and they know us. It is a nice place to live and we enjoy life here. But, last night at the dance at the community hall, I did not enjoy myself.

In fact I was most morose, and quite honestly I felt quite sorry for myself. Everyone was drinking and enjoying themselves, but I couldn't drink. Everywhere, people were hoisting a drink, were giddy, and devil-may-care, and happy. A man across the table poured a beer too fast. It foamed up. To stop it from overflowing he sucked the foam into his mouth and licked his lips. I tasted every drop, and my mouth actually watered.

Poor me! Everyone else was having a hell of a time! The night dragged on, and I just coudn't get into the swing of things. Even my wife was drinking, and I was mad at here for that! She can quit at three drinks though, and I can not.

Last night I just didn't like anybody. But, like many times before, the mood passed. Life is good again. My desire and lust for living is back. It was only a matter of time. The knowledge that my mood would change kept me going.

It happens infrequently now, this mood of quasi despair, the need for a drink, (a) to relax, (b) be able to dance, (c) to be able to babble along with the drinkers, (d) to take the fine edge off the pain I felt at that time. You learn to cope with the pain and the bad feelings, the despair, and the meed for a drink.

Antabuse is still an imporant factor in my sobriety. One tablet taken daily gives me added strength to deny that next drink. I know that I will ge very sick if I drink on top of antabuse, and there is a great fear present of the physical consequences of drinking. I take antabuse when I am feeling good and able to cope with the world, and then when the time comes that I crave a drink, my body is full of antabuse, so I don't drink!

Recovering alcohol addicts may say "that guy is still having these problems after being dry for 7 years? Is quitting worth it if I have to suffer like that?" My answer is that, as time goes on, the periods of craving get fewer and fewer, and lessen in intensity, but they still happen. We must be ready to cope with them.

Are you the same?

DON FELSTEAD

p.s. I wrote the above in the Donwood Newsletter 32 years ago. I am still sober. I cannot remember the exact time that I quit using antabuse. It was probably 25 years ago.. I RARELY crave a drink, but have the strength now to get through it. Life is excellent, I have a great wife, four children, now in their 40s, four grandchildren. I am retired and doing all things that we want to. My wife and I are reenactors of the American Civil war and the war of 1812, and we travel extensively. My life was saved that day in 1969 when I quit drinking! Thank God for that. You can do it too!