SAM'S EQUATION

My friend Sam is nearing one year of continuous sobriety. It was not long ago, however, that Sam and I both wondered if he could put together two days, back to back, without taking a drink of booze.

Sam had a problem that seemed to engulf any attempt at sobriety, yet he seemed to cry out for it at all times. Sam just could not admit to being an "alcoholic". Although Sam went to AA meetings, he would arrive ten minutes late, so as to avoid hearing the repetitious admissions usual at such meetings by each in attendance that "I am an alcoholic".

When someone at these meetings would begin to speak with "My name is........and I am an alcoholic", Sam would cringe, as if in severe pain or fear, and oft times would show his annoyance and disapproval openly.

Why are you an alcoholic? I am not an alcoholic! Sam was adamant in his resistance. Sam's image of an alcoholic was anything other than what he was, or thought he could be. I probably will never really know what Sam considered to be an alcoholic, because he never would explain himself and refused conversation on the topic.

It was if the word "alcoholic" was a fictitious word, having meaning only in the mind of someone he did not know. Sam did, however, admit that he was in and out of trouble altogether too frequently. Lost wives and jobs, bar room brawls, brushes with the law, etc., etc., etc. It struck me one day that the only thing that stood between Sam and a sincere attempt at sobriety was the word "alcoholic".

I was convinced that Sam wanted sobriety. I said to Sam "look Sam, maybe you really are not an alcoholic and maybe I am not an alcoholic, but you sure have a lot of bad equations". Sam looked at me rather carefully as if wondering what trick I was about to put on him, and retorted cynically "no kidding"!

"However, Sam was curious, so I continued to explain that "Sam plus Booze equalled trouble." At first Sam was hesitant to acccept my thoughts, but he did admit that a lot of his trouble was associated with booze. But he retorted, booze, really, was only the outward manisfestation of a much deeper problem, insofar as he was concerned.

I insisted that this was incorrect, rather that booze was an integral part of his problem and his bad equations. Sam asked that I explain myself further and I did just that. I took out some paper, and asking Sam questions, set down some equations.

SAM - BOOZE - 4 impaired driving offences.

SAM - BOOZE - minus one wife, minus one common-law wife (that he knew or knows of).

SAM - BOOZE - lost business.

SAM - BOOZE - lost jobs

SAM - BOOZE - health problems

SAM - BOOZE - money problems

SAM - BOOZE - diminishing number of friends. ETC., ETC., ETC., ETC., ETC.

I suggested to Sam that his bad equation pattern must be broken and could only be broken by the elimination of either Sam or Booze. "Which is it going to be Sam?" I asked. The next day Sam phoned me and said that he thought my idea was OK and if I would help, he would try breaking his BAD equation pattern by eliminating booze.

After that, Sam and I kept a diary and as the days and weeks rolled by, without booze, there were no new BAD equations for Sam. "But a few weeks are not conclusive," I told Sam, keep breaking that equation pattern longer and see if the theory passes the test of time."

Eleven months have now passed and there are no new BAD equations for Sam. There have been times, however, when Sam would call me explaining that trouble had appeared and that the equation theory was "no good". But, each time a careful analysis of this "trouble" would prove it to be an extension or remnant of an old problem created in the bad equation days. Or it was a problem naturally occurring in Sam's day to day living and solveable through sober thinking and action.

Whenever I get into a "jam" I start my comparison procedure. What is like for me today compared to yesterday, and yesterday, and yesterday, back over the three years plus, of my sobriety and before.

Sam has now picked up this habit and we compare notes now and then. There are no new bad equations for either Sam, or myself, nor is there booze. It no longer matters to Sam that he call himself, or be called an "alcoholic".

What is important to him is that he broke that bad equation pattern. Sam now goes with enthusiasm to AA meetings and invariable is early, helpful and admits openly "My name is Sam and I am a recovering alcoholic"

Perhaps that disliked word beginning with the letter "A" should never be used to describe the problem. That word frightens men to death, or insanity, for they may never seek recovery let they be described by that word.

Women are, perhaps, even more sensitive to the word. Its definitions are many, varied and endless. Perhaps my equation idea is a good one. And, perhaps, in the end people are either problem drinkers with bad equations or non problem drinkers, or non-drinkers.

A funny thing about all this is that Sam has sworn me to secrecy about his identity. After all, according to Sam, anonymity is the cornerstone of the AA program. I am true to this trust. You see, Sam's name may not even be Sam, but Bill, Bob, Brent, or maybe even Brother.

This, too is not really important. What is important is that Sam has eleven months of sobriety and no new bad equations.

A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC

DON says: What a marvelous story, with a great ending. This was written quite a few years ago and submitted to the Donwood Newsletter. Unfortunately I have not kept up contact with the writer, however I wish he and Sam the very best