FREEDOM

As time goes by in my sobriety, (it is almost three years now), I find the most important thing that has happened to me is that of acquiring freedom. I never really knew how little freedom I had when I was drinking.

For years the world revolved around the bottle - when and where was the next drink coming from?

(1) Rating the upcoming party - are they serving booze? If so, how much? Were the other people coming moderate or heavy drinkers? Would I be able to consume my normal amount, or would I stick out as a boozer?

(2) Getting ready for the weekend - The trip home from work on a Friday afternoon - first stop at the beer store for 24 pints which would last until 3pm on Saturday afternoon, a stop at the liquor store for a 24 ounce bottle of whiskey, to last from 3pm to crash out Saturday night, and of course the carton of 12 pints of beer for coming down on Sunday.

Say! I had better get another 12 pints of beer in case of company. (I hope no one will show up, it could cut down on my total consumption).

(3) Remember the dances? at 1.45 p.m. the panic. Get to the bar before it closes - get at least five shots lined up on the table - don't forget to get the wife five - she won't drink them but I will. That will last until I get home - there's some more there.

In God's name how much time did I waste in planning my drinking? How much of my life was lost in that quagmire? A sense of relief now - of confidence. I have feedom now. I am free from self doubt, self pity. The blackouts - what did I do? Where is the car? Can I find it? any blood, dents? Did I insult anyone? Is there anyone I should be ashamed to face?

I am free now. Free to enjoy life, watch my children grow. Freedom means to see the sunrise, hear the birds, come and go at will - be the master of my own fate.

Today is beautiful - Thank God I can enjoy it to its fullest, and not through the thick haze of a booze induced euphoria. Now I can say it was worth the aggravation and torment it took to quit drinking.

DON FELSTEAD

DON says: I wrote the above in April of 1972 after 3 years of sobriety. It is chilling for me to re-read this account. It brings back hurtful memories, with thankfulness that I did a turn around and became sober. It is now 2008, and I have been sober since May 24th, 1969.