Friday, July 18, 2008

DICK VAN DYKE

FROM THE TORONTO DAILY STAR

Dick Van Dyke, for years a favorite T.V. Clown, says he has accepted the fact that he is an alcoholic and seeking help, according to syndicated columnist Marilyn Beck.

In a copywrited column distributed recently by the New York Times News Service, Van Dyke told Miss Beck, "I did a lot of worrying. I even phoned Alcoholics Anonymous a couple of times late at night when I was drunk, depressed and on a crying jag. But it wasn't until 15 months ago that I finally accepted the fact I was an alcoholic."

The comedian, who for years carried the image of the ideal family man and pillar of the community, said he regrets not absorbing the truth about alcoholism years ago before it brought anguish to his wife and four children.

But, he said he is grateful his wife never left him.

"Somewhere along the line I progressed from being just a party drinker to the point where I'd race with Margie (his wife) each night to see if I could get drunk before she could get dinner on the table."

Van Dyke said he fooled himself about his problem for years by never drinking at work. "But I knew when 5 p.m. came without checking my watch. The minute work was over, I'd head right for the bottle."

He said last year he started getting the "shakes every morning and had changed from being a happy drunk to being hostile and aggressive."

He committed himself to a facility in Phoenix, Arizona, where he "got help before it was too late" and began to understand some of the reasons I had become an alcoholic."

He noted that commuting between his Arizona home on weekends while spending the weekdays alone in Hollywood where he was shooting his CBS series, was especially hard.

"It was rough. The nights alone were particularly hard, because I had never experienced bachelor life before. I had gone straight from mother to Marjorie.

"On April 3, I slipped off the wagon. I bought a bottle, had four drinks - and got sick to my stomach. The thought that I might become hooked again terrified me, and I poured the rest down the sink. I haven't had another drink since."

Don says: I have the greatest of admiration for this man. He had everything, could have done anything. He chose to face his addiction, and beat it! A wonderful guy!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

WELL KNOWN ALCOHOLICS

FROM THE TORONTO DAILY STAR

Actress Mercedes McCambridge quoted Abraham Lincoln as saying drunkenness often afflicts men of genius and generosity.

The parade of 53 noted men and women who are "recovered" alcoholics was designed to help dispel the stigma of alcoholism - to encourage more of an estimated 10 million alcoholics in the U.S. to seek help.

"My name is Dick Van Dyke, and I'm an alcoholic," and the list went on, with most making their public admission for the first time.

"For a long time, all of us stayed in the closet," said comedian Garry Moore. "It makes me jubilant to come out."

The news conference was sponsored by the National Council on Alcoholism, a privately financed group holding anational forum and seeking more money for medical research into the chronic disease.

There were famouse people from many fields.

Other performers included Dana Andrews, Guy Mitchell, Tom Ewell, Jan Clayton. There were athletes: Major League baseball pitchers Don Newcombe and Ryne Duren and Notre Dame University's Athletics director, Edward (Moose) Krause.

The Earl of Kimberley, a member of Britain's House of Lords, joined the ranks, along with U.S. Senator Harold Hughes, and Sylvester Tinker, chief of the Osage Indian Nation.

And more: Reporter Adela Rogers St. Johns: TV Guide editor Rowland Barber, CBS- TV president Thomas Swafford: Very Rev. Joseph Kerine, and Louis Knechi, secretary treasurer of the Communications Workers of America.

Not attending, but adding their names to the list of recovered alcoholics, were actors Robert Young and Jason Robards Jr., comedian Shecky Greene and insurance company president, James Kemper.

Mills said he thought he was dying of a brain tumor before he realized he was an alcoholic.

"I guess I was trying to kill myself with liquor," said the congressman whose escapades with a stripper in the fall of 1974 cost him the chairmanship of the Ways and Means Committee of the House of Representatives.

They were unanimous in rejecting the term "reformed" alcoholic, pointing out that alcoholism is an illness, not a moral straying. And they agreed, with laughter and shouts, that it cannot be handled by "controlled" or "limited" drinking,, but only by complet abstinence.

DON SAYS; This a very dated news release, having come out several years ago. Even if it is old it still points out that alcoholism can effect the wealthy and well known members of our society, as well as the lowly in our society. Don Felstead

Monday, July 14, 2008

I WOULD BE DEAD BY NOW!

I kept a diary for six months after leaving the Donwood Institute in May of 1969. I happened to find it a few years later and began leafing through it. What I went through was pure Hell. Every day there were depressions, nervous spells, constantly being tired, and overall misery.

Following are quotations from this diary covering two days:

(1) Had an absolutely terrible time at the dentist, was in chair from 9 to 10a.m.. - almost passed out three or four times. Felt nauseous and nervous, and I thought it would never end. This absolutely exhausted me but I dragged myself to Donwood, interacted with residents and staff and felt better. Am writing this at 1 a.m. and feeling ok but must watch all these nauseous feelings - strictly nerves.

(2) Dreamt last night that I drank two bottles of beer on top of the antabuse, awoke very remorseful, but happy to find out I hadn't drank!

(3.) Went to work, had a very bad day, and left at 2.30p.m. Standing at the corner of King and Bay Sts. in Toronto, hating the world, inwardly screaming for a drink to settle me down and take away this awful feeling of despair. A real case of flight syndrome. If I hadn't been full of antabuse I swear I would have gone drinking. It was my deep down fear of the consequences of drinking on top of antabuse that literaly saved my life. Instead, I called a doctor at Donwood and got some valium. Often stagger and felt faint. A dry drunk? Perhaps. At least the pressure was released, without alcohol.


As I look through my diary, I can see now that my biggest problem was nerves, tension and the need for vast quantities of sleep and rest. Many times I was to think "why not pack it in and have a drink. Nothing could be worse than what I am going through".

Not all days were bad, but enough of them were to keep me on edge. I know now that I would have been dead long ago had I continued to drink, and by quitting I saved my own life. It was very difficult to do, but I do say to those going through that first critical year of abstinence, hang in there. It will get better, and it has for me. I repeat, hang on, it will definitely get better.

No longer do I have the fantastic highs of drinking, but I never have the lows caused through drinking.

Life is now, for me, constant, it is beautiful, it is worth while, and though it was tough in that first year of sobriety, that suffering is behind me now. It is a rare that I have a bad day now, and in the old days of drinking it was rare to have a good day.

I wake up every day now, and have for the past 39 years, happy, knowing in my heart that this is an unusual day, a bonus day! Life is good! I am going to keep it that way for I am not going to drink today, not tomorrow, not ever again.

If you are in your first year of sobriety, hang in there. I made it, and you can!

DON FELSTEAD

SUMMERTIME, CRAVE THAT COLD BEER?

It is summer again and "the living is easy". It is the time of year when I used to drink a lot of cold beer.

I can see it now, the back yard, in the shade on a hot sultry day, wrapped around a cold glass of beer. And did it taste good!

Now, had I been able to stop at the first two or three on a Saturday afternoon, I would quite likely be drinking now, for that is called "Social drinking".

To me, then, two or three beers just whetted the appetite, and made room for more, so that, after about 18 bottles of beer, and the best part of a mickey of whiskey, I would call it quits at two in the morning after drinking by myself in the dead of night, landing up dead drunk.

Now I am not going to tell a sad tale of my drinking history, but I mention the foregoing because, even after 39 years of strict sobriety, I still crave a cold beer!

How about you? Do you feel the same? If you do then you can join a club of many thousands of alcoholics that are faced with the same problem.

Having flouted the use of alcohol on the T.V. and radio, and seeing the neighbours enjoying themselves with some cold ones, the booze industry extols you to join the happy crowd. "Drink our alcohol, and have a good time! It all looks great,, and is certainly nice for the 95% of the population that can sit down and have cold one without going ape, and consuming everything in
sight.

If you are a recovering alcoholic and really want to quit, before you take that cold beer, think of what it can lead to: the drunken driving charge, the violent arguments with the wife, the shamed children, the broken home, the lost job, and so on and on.

You can also look around and see, if you want to, the many thousands of people who not drink, because they choose to! The ones who would prefer tea, soft drinks, or coffee. The only difference between you and them is that they don't have to fight the ever present impulse to abuse alcohol. So it puts you in an important category, the person who has guts enough to say no, when your brain is crying out for that drink. Pat yourself on the back every time you turn down a drink, you deserve it, you strong-willed devil!

My wife and I went to a neighbors party some years ago to join them in clelebrating their wedding anniversary.

My neighbor brought out four glasses of a fancy apple cider, with a significant amount of alcohol. I turned down the drink without hesitation, but it looked good and it wouldn't have been too hard to say yes. Surely such a small amount of alcohol couldn't hurt, but could become catostropic as it would trigger my addiction. Fortunately at that time I was taking antabuse, and there was no way I was going to take a chance on a bad reaction. It made the decision not to drink easier!

I reached a point some years ago when I felt confident enough to end taking antabuse. It did help me in many situations where my strength would ebb and temptation would kick in, but I stuck it out, and I have had a wonderful life since!

If you find that you have a difficult time turning down drinks, see your doctor and ask his opinion about the use of antabuse, and good luck.

DON FELSTEAD

HE'S DEAD NOW BUT

He is dead now but he lives on in my heart.

Bill B. (not his real name) a tiny man, weather beaten by the ravages of alcohol was my sponsor in A.A. through the critical months prior to my getting and staying sober. When he picked me up to take to the Donwood for Alcohol treatment, he told my wife that he didn't think I would make it. I was too far along. How wrong he was! But it perhaps helped me to get my back up and prove him wrong.

This is not about me however, it is about the greatest guy I ever knew. I met him at an AA meeting, we made an immediate connection. He had a checkered life, which led to his consumption of 2 quarts of whiskey daily, and his withdrawal was very difficult, culminating in bugs on the wall, and other delusions. Jack has helped hundreds of alcoholics through AA, and in my eyes he was a saint! What a friend he was.

Jack and I drifted apart, since I was becoming more successful in battling my alcohol addiction. He was off helping others in his own way.

A few months later I heard that he was in hospital, and didn't have too long to live. I went to see him in his room. The first thing I saw as I walked into the room was Jack sitting on the bed with a tube through his mouth down into his stomach, siphoning the blood from a cancerous lesion, dripping into a jar under the bed. A tube was fastened into his arm feeding blood into his body to replace the blood he was losing. It was depressing for me, and as I said goodby to him, I felt that I was seeing him for the last time!

Months went by and I lost sight of Jack. I was so busy fighting my own addiction that there was no time for anyone or anything else. Then I ran into Jack"s doctor, who was also a recovering alcohol addict. He informed me that Jack had recovered and was back counselling alcohol abusers through AA. It appears that Jack had prayed to his "Higher Power" to give him more time to give to his work. Following this he got better!

His Doctor told me that it was indeed a miracle! There was no other explanation for it, and I concurred because definitely Jack was on his death bed. I will never question God or the forces of good again.

DON FELSTEAD

Saturday, July 12, 2008

I HEAR THE BIRDS NOW!!!

When I left the Donwood, I was shaky, raw and full of fear. I knew that this was my last chance at a proper life. I was on the brink, one more drink and I would sink into the morass of alcoholism, a complete loss of will, and a complete inability to cope with life without alcohol..
It was during this time that I attended an AA meeting in downtown Toronto at a place I cannot even remember now, except that it was a dingy church hall. There was at least 100 men there, of all shapes and sizes, all bound by that tragic brotherhood of the alcoholic. Coffee and cigarettes were the only stimulants there. There were young and old, poor and prosperous. We were all bound by the same affliction, the inability to cope with life without alcohol.

A little old man got up to speak. He was grizzly, needed a shave, and one could see the cigarette shaking in his old hands. He told us how he had been around the city for years, living on the streets, doing small jobs to support his habits.

In a quivering voice he told of a miracle that he had experienced that very morning! He had the birds! He related that during the former years he had never heard the birds in the mornings. They were a beautiful sound that he reveled in. It reminded him of his youth when he was married and had children and a decent job. But with his abuse of alcohol, he began to lose everything, wife, children, home, and even the little things in life such as hearing the birds.

He had a radiance in his face that came through the leathery skin of his old body. It was not too late! He had heard the birds!

With a shock I suddenly realized that I had not heard the birds for years, and suddenly after a few months of sobriety I awoke one morning to hear them.

It is a phenomina that in the throes of drinking one blocks out all outward signs of living. The love of family, the feeling of accomplishment at the job, the noise of children, the beauty of a sunrise. There are many other wonderful things in life to enjoy, but it must be done without alcohol because it take over your life and dominates your thinking.

My fear of alcohol fueled my determination that I would beat it, and I did. I just passed my 39th anniversary of quitting drinking. Am I proud of myself? You bet! I love life, at at 75 years of age I am bound to go to the end sober.

AND I HEAR THE BIRDS EVERY DAY!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

BE THE BEST OF WHATEVER YOU ARE

We all dream of great deeds and high positions, away from the pettiness and humdrum of ordinary life. Yet success is not occupying a lofty place or doing conspicuous work, it is being the berst that is in you.

Rattling around in too big a job is worse than filling a small one to overflowing. Dream, aspire by all means; but do not ruin the life you must lead by dreaming pipe dreams of the one you would like to lead.

Make the most of what you have and are. Perhaps your trivial, immediate task is your one sure way of proving your mettle. Do the thing near at hand, and great things will come to your hand to be done.

If you can't be a pine on the top of the hill, Be a scrub in the valley - but be The best little scrub by the side of the rill;

Be a bush if y0u can't be a tree.

If you can't be a bush be a bit of the grass, And some highway happier make;

If you can't be a muskie then just be a bass But the liveliest bass in the lake!

We can't all be captains, we've got to be crew, There's something for all of us here,

There's big work to do, and there's lesser to do, And the task you must do is the near

. If you can't be a highway then just be a trail,

If you can't be a sun be a star;

It isn't by size that you win or you fail -

But be the best of whatever you are!

DOUGLAS MALLOCH

Don says: During my drinking years I strived to do the most, make the most money, be the best in my office, have the best house, the best wife and the best kids. Was I ever fooling myself!
Beside putting undue pressures on me to keep up and be ahead of the Jones's, I found the alcohol gave me the illusion that I could do all this. I now know that I was only fooling myself. Increasingly I leaned on alcohol to keep up the pressure to go on. My family suffered and my work deteriorated as a result.
Since I quit drinking I have maintained a lower profile, and instead of being the biggest fish in a big pond, I found comfort as a small fish in a little pond. When I realized that I was not as smart as I thought I was, I relaxed and took life as it came instead of trying to control everything. I feel good now!!!!!

THE WAY TO HAPPINESS

Keep your heart free from hate - Your mind from worry.

Live simply - Expect little - Give much

Fill your life with love - Scatter sunshine

Forget self - Think of others

Do as you would be done by.

Try this for a week and you will be surprised!

Author Unknown

Don says: A very small but potent poem on life. A recovering alcoholic could learn a lot from this simple look at life. Life is very complicated only when you let it be. Cool out!!

WHAT DOES AN ALCOHOLIC LOOK LIKE?

What does an alcoholic look like? Does he look like me? Does he have two ears to hear? A nose and eyes to see?

Does he have a mouth to speak? A chin that's square, a dimpled cheek?

What does an alcoholic look like? Does he look like me?

Would I know him if I saw him? Would I recognize his gait? Is he tall or small I wonder? Or slim or overweight? Is he a lowly farmer, Or a man of high degree? What does an Alcoholic look like, Does he look like me?
I wonder, is he my neighbour? Or from the other side of town? Does he laugh or smile a lot? Or sometimes wear a frown?I s he an entertainer, Or a sailor on the sea?

What does an alcoholic look like?Does he look like me?T he name respects the person, not the nondescript or famous, The actor or the Astronaut, Intellectual or Ignoramus. The are no identifying marks For anyone to see.

What does an alcoholic look like?
Well just like me.

Anon

Don says: Look around you and ask yourself, is that guy an alcoholic? Is that gal a closet drinker, learning to be an alcoholic? Is that librarian, postal clerk, car salesperson, name the occupation, an alcoholic. We as humans are cut from the same cloth, the only distinctions we make are how we manage our lives. If you have an alcohol problem, get some help! You deserve more than you are getting.

TOMORROW

He was going to be all he wanted to be - Tomorrow.

None would be braver nor kinder than he - Tomorrow.

A friend who was troubled and weary he knew, Would be glad of a lift and needed it too, On him he would call, see what he could do - Tomorrow.

Each morning he thought of the letters he'd write - Tomorrow

And thought of the folks he would fill with delight - Tomorrow.

The greatest of workers this might have been;
The world would have opened its heart to him then.

But, in fact he passed on and faded from view,

And all that he left when his living was through
Was a mountain of things he intended to do - Tomorrow

Author Unknown

Don says: A very simple message. Look at your life - are you doing the best you can? Examine who and what you are. Is there more you can do to help others, thereby helping yourself? Remember, this life ceases at some point. When you meet your maker, what will you say to him when your past is examined. Will you be proud? Or were you just a blip on the horizon.

TODAY

Look to this day,For it is life,
The very life of life.

In its brief course lies all the realities and verities of existence.

The bliss of growth,The splendor of action, The glory of power -For yesterday is but a dream, And tomorrow is only a vision, But today, well lived, Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore, to this day.

Sanskrit Proverb

Don says: I think the telling theme of this message is the phrase "In its brief course" (life). I am 75 years old now, and when I look back I wonder where all the time went! All the wasted years. I am pleased that my wife and I managed to bring up four great children, and maintained a comfortable life style. I feel however, I did waste a lot of valuable time that I could have used helping the poor, puting something valuable back into life. I feel that I have cheated myself because it is such a rewarding feeling to put ones hand out to help someone who needs it. I have had so much, and there are so many who have so little. Don't wait, give of yourself. It is a really good feeling.

JUST FOR TODAY

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my wholelife problem at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me it if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abrham Lincoln said "most folks are as happy as they make their minds to be".

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.
I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.

Just for today I will strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways. I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count.
I will do at least two things I don't want to do just for the exercise.
I will not show anyone that myfeelings are hurt. They may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly,talk low, act courteously, criticize not one bit, not find fault with anything, nor tryto improve or regulate anyone except myself.

Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests - hurry and indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour, sometimes, I will try to get a better perspective on life.

Just for today I will do unto you as I would have done unto me. I will think of you as I would have you think of me and I will speak of you as I would have you speak of me. But before I speak of you, I will ask myself these questions; "is it good?" and"is it necessary?".

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy thatwhich is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give tome.

Anon

Don says: The foregoing is a wonderful thought, but it is a full plate, and one must not make the mistake of trying to do everything at once. Try a little at a time, don't overburden your thoughts or duties. Take it one day at a time, and take time to smell the roses. They do fade. Grab the moment.

TEMPER CONTROL

When I have lost my temper, I have lost my reason too.
I am never proud of anything angrily I do
.
When I have talked in anger and my cheeks are flaming red,
I have always uttered something which I wish I hadn't said.

In anger I have never done a kindly deed or wise;
But many things for which I felt I should apologize.

In looking back across my life, and all I've lost or made,
I can't recall a single time when fury ever paid.

So I struggle to be patient, for I've reached a wiser age;
I do not want to do a thing or speak a word, in rage.

I have learned by sad experience that when my temper flies,
I never do a worthy thing, a decent deed, or wise.

Author unknown.

Don says: Have you ever had a time when you lost control, shouted and flailed your arms around? Of course you have, we all have! The papers are full of road rage stories, where normally placid persons lose their cool and do something foolish, something as small as showing the finger, to something dangerous as racing. After a tirade thrown at your wife, or your employee, or the girl in the grocery store, because of some small thing that has ticked you off, how do you feel? Better, relieved, or sorry?
Sometimes booze loosens you up and feeling brave, you take on a stranger that may be more dangerous than you realize. The outcome of one of these events could be shattering, and possibly fatal. If you are having trouble with your temper, an anger management course would certainly help. Keep cool!

MY PERSONAL MANTRA

In my personal life when I feel low or things are not going quite right,
I use my personal mantra:

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE,

COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN,

AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

This gave me considerable comfort while going through the hard slugging in my battle with alcohol during the year following my last drink.It was very helpful in my battle with alcohol and I found that I could use this mantra with ordinary lifetime problems.

GOD GRANT ME

GOD GRANT ME the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

To be aware that the irrations and disappointments of each day are not a perverse plot aimed at me by the world.
To understand that this world is not operated for my benefit: that my importance and its debt to me exist in direct ratio to my contributions and my adjustment to it.

GOD GRANT ME the courage to change the things I can...To eliminate from my environment and its associations things I know to be harmful, attitudes I know to be insupportable and no matter how well I thought I argued them, reasons which had no logic.

And GOD GRANT ME the wisdom to know the difference ......To understand with neither prejudice, self-justification, nor pity, why changes are necessary - and which changes will give my life meaning - without alcohol. A.A.

THE MAN IN THE GLASS

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Just go to a mirror and take a look at yourself,
And see what THAT man has to say.
For it isn't your father or mother or wife,
Who's judgment upon you must pass,
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life,
Is the one staring you from the glass.
Some people may think you a straight-shooting chum,
And call you a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum,
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear to the end,
And you have passed your most difficult, dangerous test,
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You can fool the whole world down the pathway of life,
And get pats on your back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears,
If you cheat on the MAN IN THE GLASS!

Author unknown

Don says: The first time I ever read this poem I was stunned! It is so true. We go through life, making decisions, doing things automatically, interacting with our fellow human beings without really analizing what we are doing, and how is it going to effect those around us. It is easy in the business world to make decisions that will change the lives of those we hold power over. This is called business, we are doing what we are doing because it is good for business!

I worked for a large corporation in my early business years and made a decision that I later regretted. I fired an employee that I felt was not up to par. It was made in the heat of the moment and I felt that I was doing the right thing. Later, I realized that this man had a wife and family, who were dependant on him. After examining what I had done some years later after I had left the corporation, I felt like a heel. But then it was too late. I should have looked in the mirror at the man looking back at me and asked "is this the right thing to do? Could I have helped the man by transferring him to another position or helping him look for other employment. I am sure the man in the glass would have looked back at me and held me to account. He would have told me that I had let the man down, I had let my lust for getting ahead at my job overcome my humanity. I will never get over the shame I feel, but I hope it has helped me to be a better person.

ALKI

There was a time when, with a sneer,
Someone would shout that "Alkies here".
Once it mattered, but now no more,
That ignorant someone - such a boor.
They knew not the anguish we must face,
Just to remain part if this human race.
How we used to die a little each day,
At the thought of our liquor being taken away!
That awful fight from dark to dawn,
To still the thirst that goes on and on.
Now if this seems like a tale of woe,
It really isn't, we just want you to know.
We're not sorry - we feel truly blest,
That now we're not like all the rest.
We've found a truly better way
To meet our problems day to day.
Rest and exercise, diet, new friends,
A sense of peace as each day ends.
So call us "Alkie", for all's said and done,What care we -
We feel we have won

Author Unknown

Don says: People know that we are alcoholics. Just the smell on the breath and clothes, the glassy eyes, the tremors. They don't say anything that might hurt our feelings, but they feel quite superior that they can handle their booze. What they don't know is that they are sometimes on the borderline of alcoholism. They are "hail fellow - well met, one of us, having a good time at the pub or the ball game. They tread the fine line of sobriety.
Recovering alcoholics can pat themselves on the back for staying sober, as it is one of the most difficult things to overcome. Like any disease, it must be treated until it is defeated, and there can be no going back to the old ways! Congratulations and welcome back to the real world!

DON'T GIVE UP

DON'T GIVE UP

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you are trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,Rest you must, but don't you quit!
Life is queer with its twists and turns,As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about, When he might have won if he had stuck it out!
Don't give though the pace seems slow,You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out,The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you can never tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you are hardest hit

It's when things seem worse that you must not quit.

Author Unknown

Don says: This is a very strong message, and we as alcoholics need a STRONG MESSAGE. Stick to the idea above, and keep trying. It seems darkest just before the dawn, but perservere and you will come out ok.
REMEMBER WHEN

Some things I do not miss since becoming dry,
That overall awful feeling physically,including the shakes,
a splitting headache,
pains in my arms and legs,
bleary eyes,
fluttering stomach,
droopy shoulders,
weak knees,
a three day beard and a flushed complexion.

Also, facing my wife at breakfast,
and then lookingat my breakfast.
Composing the alibi and sticking to it.
Trying to shave with a hand that won't behave.
Also opening up mywallet to find it empty.

I don't miss these things, do I?

Some more things I do not miss since becoming dry:
Wondering if the car is in the garage and how did I get home.
Struggling to remember where I was
and what I did since my last conscious moment.
Trying to delay getting off to work.
Wondering how I will look when I arrive at the office.
Dreading the day ahead of me.

I'm quite sure that I don't miss these things, am I not?

Some more things I do not miss since becoming dry.
Running all over town to find a bar open toget that "pick-up".
Meeting my friends and trying to cover up that I feel lousy.
Looking at myself in a mirror and calling myself a damn fool.
Struggling with myself to snap out of it for two or three days.
Wondering what it is all about.

I'm positive I don't miss these things, am I not?

Some things I like since becoming dry:
Feeling good in the morning.
Full use of myintelligence.
Joy in my work.
Money in my pocket.
A complete lack of remorse.
The confidence of my friends
The prospect of a happy future.
The appreciation of the beauties of nature.
Knowing what it is all about.
And finally, and most important,
the love and trustof my wife and family.

I'm sure that I like these things, do I not?

Author Unknown

Don says: I feel like this is pointed directly at me! I have experienced all of the emotions and events shown above. When I look back, I shudder at how close I came to losing everything, family, friends, employers, the list goes on. If you, gentle reader recognize some of the above feelings, take heart, it is not too late. It is never too late!
Sometimes it helps to write down some of the articles that appear in this blog. Keep them in front of you never forget the messages you see. It can mean your life!

WHY WE DRANK

We drank for happiness and became unhappy
We drank for joy and became miserable
We drank for sociability and became argumentative
We drank for sophistication and became obnoxious.
We fought for friendships and made enemies
We drank for sleep and awakened without rest
We drank for strength and felt weak
We drank medicinally and acquired health problems
We drank for relaxation and got the shakes
We drank for bravery and became afraid
We drank for confidence and became doubtful
We drank to make conversation easier, and slurred our speech
We drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell
We drank to forget and were forever haunted
We drank for freedom and became slaves
We drank to ease problems and saw them multiply
We drank to cope with life and invited DEATH.
This is no way to live!!!!!!

Author Unknown

Don says: Does this all look familiar? It sure as hell should! Read this over daily and study it. You can only do it for yourself.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008


MY PERSONAL CONTACT WITH DR. BIRTCH
Before you go on to read Dr. Birtch's writings, I wish to relate my personal contact with him. Over the period of several years, as editor of the Donwood Newsletter I had several discussions with the good doctor, in fact our personalities clashed. Mainly it was my fault. It is true that I sometimes hounded him for his monthly writing, so much that he was quite upset with me.Once I asked his advice. My wife and I were hosting a cocktail party where there was going to be lots of liquor, beer and wine. What did he recommend? I was hoping that he would recommend one of two things: 1. Cancel the party, or 2. Stay away somewhere safe until the party was over.He recommended that I stay at the party and that I would be strong enough to get through it. Frankly I was scared! It had only been a few weeks since I had left the hospital, and was feeling peckish. However, I stayed, weathered the storm of addiction and longing for a drink, all the while cursing him in my mind for pushing me in this direction. Only later did I realize that he quite sagely advise me to face up to my fear, get over it, and get on with life.Now I know he was right, and I wish he was around so I could tell him how much I now appreciate him and I would thank him for 39 years of sobriety. I could not have done it without him or the Donwood.Writing this blog, and examining Dr. Birtch's writings, I have come to the realization that he was a master genius, not only in his writing, but his life. His words are golden and I hope that a great many other recovering addicts read his articles.

Relationships That Make a Difference
by Dr. Birtch -

"The greatest factor that has helped me in my recovery has been the support of other members of my group". This statement was made one evening when one group that had five months experience behind it since leaving Donwood was telling another newer group about how they were getting on.

The person who made the statement was asked to explain further. He claimed that their group had achieved a relationship with one another that was remarkable. It was based on honesty. They had learned to trust one another.

They are able to confide in one another because each person no longer has to protect his image or appear to be something other than what he is. The result is a feeling of security that is deep and real. Not all groups achieve that happy state. But I am getting the impression that we should be working at it a lot harder. Before leaving Donwood a plan is set up for members of a group to keep in touch with one another.

It is a sort of "buddy system". When people are taking this seriously and working at it the results pay off. They have the feeling of being committed not only to one's own success but to other people's too is, all part of the strength needed to make the grade. And of course what happens in a Donwood group is just pilot project for living in a broader context. It occurs to me that if he can be honest with his friends in Donwood, he can risk being honest with other people too.

When that step is taken he is really on the road!

Don says: You know, the most important person in the whole equation is your wife or lover. Kids, moms and dads, siblings, friends all play an important part in the rehabilitation of the alcoholic. However the one that is closest to you will be able to provide the best support. This is usually the wife or husband. They more than anyone else have most to win or lose in your fight to overcome the addiction. You have a special bond with them. You can confide in them, tell them things you wouldn't tell to anyone else. They will support you to the bitter end. Look after them, they are precious.

The Year After Getting Out Of Treatment
When I walked out of the treatment centre with my wife, the last night of my month long stay, I was cold sober, nervous, shaking and scared of what lay ahead. For the first time in 20 years I was facing and coping with life without the crutch of alcohol. As I looked back at the place where I had spent my stay, I longed to run back, it was so comfortable, warm, loving, and not critical of me.

Ahead was my job at the bank, and reality, could I make it? I would soon find out. Once over the initial shock, my life became more stable than it had ever been before. I awoke each morning, clear eyed, eager to face the world. There would be a dark side however.

I became edgy, nervous, and strung up. I had been warned that the first year sober would be most traumatic, and how right they were! My emotions went up and down like a roller coaster.It helped to have a sleep when I got home from work each day, but after a while I got so antsy that I had to get into the car and drive aimlessly, sometimes a hundred miles after dinner.

It seemed to help, but it took a better part of a year to get over this obsession. My wife and I spent Wednesday evenings for several months of the following year to attend meetings at the treatment centre, where we congregated with our fellow patients who had made it, saw films, heard lectures, and raised my problems in the outside world. Wonderfully some of my fellow patients were still sober, but a few had gone back to drinking and we didn't hear from them again. Roughly, those patients that had left, fell into three categories: One third quit drinking absolutely, one third returned to drinking on a much reduced basis (notably this third would eventually return to their old pattern, probably drinking much heavier. The rest returned to drinking as if there had been no treatment.

Unfortunately the drinkers that returned to heavy drinking would either have to start the treatment over again, or were faced with a gloomy future, including the ultimate finale, Death.

I felt sorry for them, however it was their choice. They were provided with the best health care in the world for the treatment of alcoholism, and spurned all efforts to help them.In the old days, to overcome the stress of job and life I would turn to alcohol. It was a great tranquilizer, but like most drugs, the effect wears off over time and one must ingest more and more alcohol to derive the same effects.

There comes a time when there is not enough alcohol in the world to help, other than providing oblivion for small periods of time. Remember, dear reader, a whole year passed before my life went back to normal. Many nights I would dream of drinking. Not so bad the dreaming of alcohol, but I would wake up in the morning with a hangover, and a sickening feeling in my gut that I had given in. Realizing I hadn't, I was vastly relieved. It was only a dream! How real can dreams be?

At this point I would like to bring up the matter of Antabuse. Now Antabuse is a drug prescribed by a Doctor to help cope with the need for a drink. NEVER TAKE ANY DRUG WITHOUT A DOCTORS ADVICE. This drug really worked for me. It literally saved my life. The regimen I followed was to take one pill each morning. If the drinker on antabuse takes a drink there is an immediate and drastic reaction - the face goes red, the heart pounds like a jackhammer, you feel weak and very ill. It is such an uncomfortable reaction that the alcoholic will either continue abstinence or go off the pills entirely. This makes for a critical judgement by he or she.

I used the pill as a barometer of my daily mood, and how badly I wanted a drink I knew that if I took a drink, I would be faced with a terrible reaction. This fear would give me time to think, and always, after a few hours my compulsion to drink had left me and I was ready to face another day. I took the pill for five years, and only then did I feel it was safe to do so.The pills are still in my medicine chest, and I wouldn't hesitate to take one if I felt I needed it but I haven't felt this need for the past 39 years. Of course, every alcoholic is different, some will have a better time, some will be worse. IT IS UP TO YOU.
YESTERDAY, TODAY, AND TOMORROW

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world can not bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone beyond recall.

The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow, with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and perhaps its poor performance.

Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of cloud, but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is as yet unborn.

This leaves only one day - today. Any man can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add theburden of those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives men mad. It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday or the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore do our best to live but one day at a time.

Alcoholics Anonymous

Don says: This is a beautiful statement. Look carefully to it, it shows the way.
GOD AND THE TIME AFTER THE FIRST DAY

Before I go into the completion of my first week at the Treatment Centre where I would spend the next 4 weeks , I want to talk about God - My own personal God who I have believed in since I was a little boy.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not here to talk anyone into believing in my God, he is personal to me and mine alone! I have talked to Him for over 75 years. I have asked Him for forgiveness, for financial success, for the health of my family and friends, and especially to help me to shake off booze. He is always by my side, and I believe He was responsible for any success I may have had.

In Alcoholics Anonymous we learned the following what is called a prayer - "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

This prayer is valuable in all circumstances, not only in coping with alcohol addiction, but with life's problems in all their diversity. It calmed me down in what I called alcohol emergencies, ie "I need a drink badly", or when the pressures of life close in on me, at work, at home with the family, or any other uncomfortable problem. I sincerely recommend everyone adopt this prayer, it can be very helpful.So much for religion.

Another factor really helped me with my healing. It was Antabuse. It is a pill that a recovering alcohol can take daily. When on this drug, should I have taken a drink, I would have had an alergic reaction which would be increased heart rate and an overall uncomfortable feeling. Now I don't recommend that anyone rush out and get this drug, until it has been cleared by your Doctor. The feelings are very uncomfortable only if you drink!I took antibuse for over 10 years, and I feel it helped me greatly. The reason that it works so well is, that to be able to get back to drinking, the alcoholic must wait a few days for the drug to clear the system. By that time the alcoholic's mood will have changed and no drinking will happen. I felt it was a wonderful tool for me, but I stress, YOU MUST consult a Doctor before using any such drug.

Getting back to the rest of the first week at the Treatment Centre, we spent the days watching lectures on the t.v., listening to learned members of the Medical scene emoting on various aspects of Alcoholism. We were not allowed to wander off the property for the first week, which was the defining factor for many of us. If we stayed, it was the first step in the gradual process of sobering up. An interesting footnote to this period was the reaction of one the patients to the withdrawal of the alcohol. Alcohol, I have personally found, alters the brain and the eyesight. This was brought home to me by a fellow inmate, a roofer by occupation, came into the Treatment Centre with a new set of eyeglasses that he had purchased just prior to coming. After a few days, his eyesight had so altered that he had to get a new set! That scared the hell out of me because it brought home the extreme effect the alcohol had on our bodies, starting with the brain and the eyesight.My motivation for going into Treatment Centre to beat booze was so strong, and it had taken me so long to get there that I was damned if I was going back to my old days!

I had been seriously drinking for 20 years and was at this point 40 years of age, and I was scared! Was I going to throw everything away, my family, my job, my whole way of life? Well, I got mad! I hated anyone or anything controlling my life. I had been a slave to booze and it had to change.

I knew this every time I woke in the morning with furry mouth, headache, blurred vision, and a self-loathing so complete that it was easier to go back to the bottle than to face life. Booze is a crutch to the alcoholic, it suppresses the hurt that life sometimes comes to us, but only for a little while. It provides a shield against reality. It is so powerful that that when an alcoholic wakens to another morning of the blues and hangover, he needs only to go to the bottle to get that instant relief, even at six in the morning! I recall the time when I lived in Sudbury at the age of 21 I lived in an old hotel owned by a rather tough gentleman, who told me that if I wanted to stay there, I was to keep my mouth shut and ignore anything going on. I soon found out what he meant when I heard the fights going on in the corridors, and the screaming of his wife as he pulled her by the hair down the same hall. There was no way I was going to get into that! Each morning when I woke up I automatically leaned out of the bed and got a prefilled tumbler of cheap whiskey off the floor, polished it off, had a cigarette, another drink, at which time I was ready to face the day.

With alcoholism comes the casualty of good personal habits, and good health. Many things get ignored. For some reason my system got upset, maybe from the alcohol or the lack of good food, and I got boils, lots of them! Up to 25 at a time. It was very painful and messy when they broke. I went to a Doctor, and he gave me a shot of something to help heal the boils. He told me not to drink, but I went straight to the hotel for beers, so much for real good thinking! I digress from my stay in the Treatment Centre. The first week spent there was mainly getting back to normal with some sedatives, which helped the 10 persons in our group, all in for that week. We congregated in a common room which we called Happy Valley. We were feeling somewhat better and life was looking good.Then we graduated to the second and third floors where we had private rooms. We continued with the films, lectures, and life learning exercises. We were introduced to group therapy. This group was made up of 7 to 10 patients, with a trained professional to oversee. It was very traumatic to me since I had to face reality, and the effects that my drinking was having on my family, friends, and occupation, which was with a large Canadian Bank.

These sessions became very serious, and I landed up having nosebleeds from the pressures I was putting on myself. It was quite intense as we faced reality. Alcoholics are great con artists and manipulators, in order to successfuly feed our addiction. But, In a group of master manipulators, one could not get away with anything phony, and many truths came out, exposing us to unpleasantness that we had alway hidden away.

It was good for us but it did really hurt. At the end of the three weeks we were ready to leave the Treatment Centre, and it was an uneasy feeling leaving the security of this place, whose inhabitants did not critique us but gave us support and a feeling that they really cared.There is a gate fever one feels when they leave the warm and caring atmosphere of the hospital. Back to the real world, and everything back to that scary normal.

NEED SOME ENCOURAGEMENT?

Tuesday, April 1, 2008


ALL THINGS


All things have their season and in their times all things pass under Heaven,

A time to be born and a time to die,

A time to plant and a time to pluck up which is planted.

A time to kill, and a time to heal,

A time to destroy and a time to build,

A time to weep and a time to laugh,

A time to mourn and a time to dance,

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather,

A time to embrace and a time to be far from embraces,

A time to get and a time to lose,

A time to keep and a time to cast away,

A time to rend and a time to sew,

A time to keep silence and a time to speak......For every man that eateth and drinketh, and seeth good of his neighbour, this is the gift of God.

Nothing is better than a man to rejoice in his work, and that this is his portion.

For who shall bring him to know the things that shall be after him?

King James Bible Ecclesiastes 3

A LETTER TO DONWOOD GRADUATES

Saturday, May 17, 2008

THE DONWOOD
Starting in 1969 I created a monthly newsletter to be sent out to recovering addicts that had graduated from the Donwood Institute in Toronto. Over the next 12 years I included articles sent in by the patients, newspaper articles, and general information helpful to those needing information in overcoming their addiction. I am including some of these articles because they became very important in their reality. Coming from the horse's mouth! If you recognize something that you have written and want to acknowledge your authorship, please contact me and I will show your name. Otherwise no one will know. Since I will be quoting far and wide, please know that I will not be gaining monetarily from my work, I only hope that it will be of some help. I sure appreciate everything I received Don Felstead.

TWO KINDS OF FREEDOM

Dr. Birtch was affiliated with the Donwood Institute in Toronto. He has since passed away, however we feel that what he wrote for the "DONWOOD" newsletter during the time he was with them is very relevant to the alcoholic of today.

Following are his articles:TWO KINDS OF FREEDOM.

At Donwood we are concerned about two kinds of freedom. The first and most obvious is this. We are working toward freedom from a sick dependency on a chemical. When a person comes to Donwood he is usually no stranger to a feeling of bondage. He is a slave to a chemical, the servant of an uncontrolled desire. Many of the satisfactions and rewards of living are denied him because he is not free to pursue them. He is under the domination of a most demanding master. When a person is in this condition he may feel, "If only I could get free from my slavery to this chemical I could enjoy life again." But this is not necessarily true.

A person may achieve total abstinence and still be miserable. That is why our program has two sides. We work not just for "freedom from" but also for "freedom for". Our goal at Donwood is for the achievement of quality of health that is rich and rewarding. Freedom from the bondage is not complete until it issues in freedom to adopt a new life style that has its own built-in satisfactions. This freedom costs something too. There is a price to be paid. The price takes the form of daily choices and daily discipline. Simple things like exercise, diet, rest, development of stimulating interests, pursuit of social health with family and friends - these involve choices and self-disipline.

Yet for a person who assumes that freedom in simply doing what he wants to do when he wants to do it, it may be too great a price. Daily discipline may seem to be a denial of freedom.That is why it is important to decide what kind of freedom we are looking for.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Dr. Birtch and Christmas

Dr. Birtch writes

CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS

The story is told of a little girl whose parents left her in the care of a maiden aunt while they went on a holiday. This aunt, it seems, was very afraid of thunderstorms. Several occurred when her niece was with her, and each time she hurried the child down into the basement where they hid beneath the cellar stairs until the storm had passed.

When the parents came back and their child returned home they were distressed to discover how afraid she was of thunderstorms. They tried to assure her that there was nothing to fear. They got her counting the seconds between the lightning's flash and the thunder roar. They assured her that God looks after little girls in thunderstorms.

Gradually her fear seemed to subside. Then one night, after they had gone to bed, a terrific storm came up. The parents wondered how the child was taking it. Soon the patter of feet came along the hall and the little girl crawled into beside her mother. "What is it, dear?" the mother asked. I'm not frightend, mummy" the child replied. "I know God looks after little girls in thunderstorms. But mummy, it's awful nice to be near somebody with skin on!".

That is what Christmas is about. Love is a great idea. Poems have been written about it. Songs have been sung about it. Sermons have been preached about it. But, love, human or divine, remains just a great idea until somebody comes along and clothes the idea with skin.
Then love becomes a voice that is heard, a touch that is felt, a look that changes how you feel. Love "with skin on" is what Christmas is all about. Love is still a great idea. We prefer, perhaps to call it "caring".

Love suffers from too many definitions. At Donwood, we have a special feeling about caring. When a group of Donwood graduates sit down to try to define the essential ingredients of the Donwood program they wrote this: "We believe that even more important for recovery than education or therapy is the experience of being in a community where people care for each one as a person." They wrote that not just because the ideal appealed to them. They wrote it because, somewhere along the line, caring had had skin on, and that made all the difference. There are various ways of celebrating Christmas. None can be more true to the original idea than if we go a little further and dig a little deeper in making sure that in some special way caring has skin on.

Don says: Some of us have been exposed to pain and ridicule, and have fears that lurk deep in the depths of our minds, that come out from time to time and present a painful event that we must cope with. If we have problems coping then further help can come from the medical community. It is no sin to ask for help!