The Year After Getting Out Of Treatment
When I walked out of the treatment centre with my wife, the last night of my month long stay, I was cold sober, nervous, shaking and scared of what lay ahead. For the first time in 20 years I was facing and coping with life without the crutch of alcohol. As I looked back at the place where I had spent my stay, I longed to run back, it was so comfortable, warm, loving, and not critical of me.

Ahead was my job at the bank, and reality, could I make it? I would soon find out. Once over the initial shock, my life became more stable than it had ever been before. I awoke each morning, clear eyed, eager to face the world. There would be a dark side however.

I became edgy, nervous, and strung up. I had been warned that the first year sober would be most traumatic, and how right they were! My emotions went up and down like a roller coaster.It helped to have a sleep when I got home from work each day, but after a while I got so antsy that I had to get into the car and drive aimlessly, sometimes a hundred miles after dinner.

It seemed to help, but it took a better part of a year to get over this obsession. My wife and I spent Wednesday evenings for several months of the following year to attend meetings at the treatment centre, where we congregated with our fellow patients who had made it, saw films, heard lectures, and raised my problems in the outside world. Wonderfully some of my fellow patients were still sober, but a few had gone back to drinking and we didn't hear from them again. Roughly, those patients that had left, fell into three categories: One third quit drinking absolutely, one third returned to drinking on a much reduced basis (notably this third would eventually return to their old pattern, probably drinking much heavier. The rest returned to drinking as if there had been no treatment.

Unfortunately the drinkers that returned to heavy drinking would either have to start the treatment over again, or were faced with a gloomy future, including the ultimate finale, Death.

I felt sorry for them, however it was their choice. They were provided with the best health care in the world for the treatment of alcoholism, and spurned all efforts to help them.In the old days, to overcome the stress of job and life I would turn to alcohol. It was a great tranquilizer, but like most drugs, the effect wears off over time and one must ingest more and more alcohol to derive the same effects.

There comes a time when there is not enough alcohol in the world to help, other than providing oblivion for small periods of time. Remember, dear reader, a whole year passed before my life went back to normal. Many nights I would dream of drinking. Not so bad the dreaming of alcohol, but I would wake up in the morning with a hangover, and a sickening feeling in my gut that I had given in. Realizing I hadn't, I was vastly relieved. It was only a dream! How real can dreams be?

At this point I would like to bring up the matter of Antabuse. Now Antabuse is a drug prescribed by a Doctor to help cope with the need for a drink. NEVER TAKE ANY DRUG WITHOUT A DOCTORS ADVICE. This drug really worked for me. It literally saved my life. The regimen I followed was to take one pill each morning. If the drinker on antabuse takes a drink there is an immediate and drastic reaction - the face goes red, the heart pounds like a jackhammer, you feel weak and very ill. It is such an uncomfortable reaction that the alcoholic will either continue abstinence or go off the pills entirely. This makes for a critical judgement by he or she.

I used the pill as a barometer of my daily mood, and how badly I wanted a drink I knew that if I took a drink, I would be faced with a terrible reaction. This fear would give me time to think, and always, after a few hours my compulsion to drink had left me and I was ready to face another day. I took the pill for five years, and only then did I feel it was safe to do so.The pills are still in my medicine chest, and I wouldn't hesitate to take one if I felt I needed it but I haven't felt this need for the past 39 years. Of course, every alcoholic is different, some will have a better time, some will be worse. IT IS UP TO YOU.