ADMITTING I AM AN ALCOHOLIC

Admit and accept that you are an alcoholic and You are on the way to recovery. This I believe but how shall I "admit"? Do I carry a badge so that the whole world knows I am an alcoholic.?` When offered a "drink" do I excuse myself by saying "no thank you, I am an alcoholic"? When I apply for a job do I state clearly and frankly that I am an alcoholic? How far do I go to satisfy the "admit" requirement in my search for a life without alcohol. This "admit" aspect of my recovery program has bothered and perplexed me from time to time. I am a lawyer dealing with a great variety of people and problems on a daily basis. What do I do if a client learns of my illness? What do I tell or not tell that client? Of course clients are but one group of people I deal with. What of the judges, court clerks, etc. I have little or no problem at home. My wife and four children have been only constructive in helping me to recover and rarely mention my illness. But what about their friends? What happens to me if on of my family inadvertently mentions my illness to someone? How do I handle this happening? A fellow A.A. member, who is a school teacher, recently mentioned to me that he had great concern that his pupils would somehow learn of his illness. He felt his career as a teacher would be ended if his pupils knew he was an alcoholic. So serious is his concern that he has concluded he would have to quit his teaching job. Booze and drinking is a dazzling phenomenon in our society. A wealthy and successful alcoholic is often regarded as a "happy drunk". "That is just his way.", many conclude. On the other hand a poor down-and-out alcoholic is "an alcoholic" and his state in life is due to his alcoholism. Most often this true but let this "poor " alcoholic" seek help and a stigma attaches to him. All of a sudden what seems mere conjecture is reality and people conjure up thoughts of family desertion, mental illness and other imaginings. You surely have heard this phrase, "he went for the cure" and it is left to the imagination as to what the "cure" is and why the "cure" is necessary. During my time at Donwood, I was with other alcoholics and people who had an understanding of alcoholics and alcoholism and I felt comfortable and safe. I have the same feeling at A.A. meetings. But what of the outside world, where I am most of the time? I haven't had a drink for quite some time after entering Donwood. After my first four weeks at Donwood I was apprehensive about going back to my family, my work and the community where I lived, played and worked. For a time I felt as if everyone was staring at me with a knowing stare. - he is an alcoholic! I avoided much of what I was doing before entering Donwood. Frankly, I was ashamed and scared. I had to learn how to live with my illness and how to "admit" as a teacher or as a butcher, baker, factory worker, lawyer, doctor, engineer, labourer, pschiatrist or whatever my vocation in life? How do you "admit". A DONWOOD ALUMNI DON says: This gentleman went through Donwood a good many years ago and I have lost contact with him. I do not know how he has fared in his battle with his "illness". I stress the fact that alcoholism is an illness, and as such must be treated as such. Would he hide from an "illness" such as cancer, heart disease, stroke and so on. Alcoholism is as serious as any of these life threatening diseases. They all lead to the grave if not treated! I will take my own situation as an example: I worked for a national bank when I went into Donwood for treatment. I was candid with my friends, relatives, and did not try to hide that I was an alcoholic. Since I had always done a good job at the bank I did not feel it necessary to tell them, but if they did happen to ask me I would have said, "yes I am an alcoholic". I stuck with the Donwood system of followup for over ten years, during which time I was editor of the Donwood newsletter during that time. I felt it was necessary to make my affliction public. No longer did I have to make excuses for not taking a drink. It is much easier to tell anyone that I was an alcoholic and couldn't ever drink again. This bolstered my confidence, and if anyone didn't like it then they could go to Hell. I didn't need anyone around me that would try, sometimes in good grace, to have me take just a small drink, that I was probably cured! The author of the foregoing piece "Admit" asks should he answer the following: Should he carry a badge so that the whole word knows he is an alcoholic? When offered a drink does he excuse himself by saying no, I am an alcoholic? When he applies for a job should he admit he is an alcoholic? To all these questions I reply with a definite YES. He has spent years cultivating his drinking, and surely most of his acquaintances and fellow lawyers know of his drinking problem! It is only with honesty and being forthright that he can face the world about his affliction. It is only with the "coming out" can he bravely face the world and conquer his drinking. He is only fooling himself if he thinks he can function on a half and half arrangement, some people knowing and some not. Also he would be taking pressure off himself, never having to wonder if "people know". I am proud that I had the gumption to face the world. Here I am, take me or reject me, this is who and what I am. I HAVE BEEN SOBER SINCE 1949! I AM AN ALCOHOLIC!