Sunday, November 16, 2008
LOOKING BACK - AS A BEGINNING
This is the first post of my new blog, on which I will summarize my life.
This period was a linchpin in my time on this planet, an end and a beginning.I had just spent an hour at Donwood on a recent Saturday evening, (in the late sixties), and was driving home on Yonge Street in Hogs Hollow, in Toronto wondering what I was going to write about for my monthly editorial piece in the Donwood Newsletter, I saw the Jolly Miller, all lit up, fat and sassy, with people pouring in and out.
Now, anyone who knows the North end of Toronto knows that the Miller was the flagship for drinkers. It had been the local watering hole for a hundred years or so. It was available to all, had a great atmosphere, and was a great place to drink.As I passed it, a great flood off memories swept over me; the many times I had spent there with buddies, drinking maybe 10 to 20 drafts after a ball game, or straight from work, and often closed the place at one in the morning. I paid 10 cents for a draft beer, $4 for a case of 24 bottles, and $4 for a carton of cigarettes.
Then I thought of the not-so-pleasant memories, the climbing up the long outside steps to the men's bar (beer only), then the tenuous descent down those high stairs, unsteadily, but happy as hell. The crawling up the hill home about a mile away. Sometimes I drove and had trouble keeping the white line in the middle of the road from weaving from side to side, so I could follow it home.One particular night, (I quit drinking forever the next day), I left at 1.00 in the morning but got only to the subway. Now in those days the Subway was under construction, and it was only a muddy hole up Yonge St. Since I had too much to drink, I lay down in the mud and went to sleep. The last thing I thought of was, (don't sleep in the subway darling - a popular song that year). The next morning I got home, cleaned up, and went with my Sponsor from AA, Jack, never to drink again. Jack had told my wife that he thought I would never be able to quit, I was a hopeless drunk. This was coming from an expert, since he had imbibed a 26 oz bottle of whiskey for the past 25 years, and had only quit drinkingthe year before. Well I proved him wrong.
Coming out of this memory a few years later, I thought of my current life. I drive a new car, we are a prosperous middle-aged couple in the prime of our lives, living in a home in the country, just outside of Orillia. We had four happy, well-adjusted children, and even in these times of inflation, things were pretty good. We don't appreciate the things we have until we almost lose them.
Could have lost my wife, my home, my children. But I pulled back in time!I have been dry 39 years now, in 2008. I wake up every morning now thanking God that this day is another bonus in a litany of days. Something to take full advantage of every minute, and hour in that day. There is no way I am ever going to screw up my life with alcohol.Having material things is not important to me know. If they were I would still be at the Bank, earning that big salary, facing the pressures - not able to enjoy my children.
I quit the Bank and took a much lower paying job with the government. There was a lot less pressure, and I work only 37 hours a week. I see my kids every night, every weekend and we do lots of things together., and I am sober. They can bring their friends home, happy in the knowledge that the old man won't be on the floor passed out, or weaving over the dinner table, grinning like a chesire cat, high on booze. They are confident that I will be there when they need me. Aand, most important of all, we like each other.
My wife are lovers and friends, something we couldn't have been if I were still drinking.Sobriety brings an important feeling of worth, pride, and a feeling of self confidence.So, as I drove along Yonge St that day so long ago I remember shivering as I thought how far along drinking I had gone, how much more damamge there could have been to my marriage and family. I would have missed so much had I not gone to Donwood. DON FELSTEAD
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
AND YOU THINK YOU HAVE IT TOUGH!
FROM THE INTERNET
READ THIS...LET IT REALLY SINK IN...THEN CHOOSE...
John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or... you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood.
"Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.
"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line...It's your choice how you live your life.
"I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw him about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better,I'd be twins...Wanna see my scars?"
I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground,I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live."
"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.He continued, "..the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action."
"What did you do?" I asked. "Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me, "said John. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes, I replied.'The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply.
I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'."
Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead. "He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.
Attitude, after all, is everything. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34. After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Don says: I took this off the internet. This is a wonderful testimony to the hardiness of man. It is there, you only must call forth the common sense, and willingness to bear life as it is. Hard, hurting, beautiful, and there to take full advantage of making your own happiness. Don't falter, hang in when something devastates you, remember, this is only a momentary setback and things can change in the blink of an eyelash.
READ THIS...LET IT REALLY SINK IN...THEN CHOOSE...
John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or... you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood.
"Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.
"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line...It's your choice how you live your life.
"I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw him about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better,I'd be twins...Wanna see my scars?"
I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground,I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live."
"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.He continued, "..the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action."
"What did you do?" I asked. "Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me, "said John. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes, I replied.'The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply.
I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'."
Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead. "He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.
Attitude, after all, is everything. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34. After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Don says: I took this off the internet. This is a wonderful testimony to the hardiness of man. It is there, you only must call forth the common sense, and willingness to bear life as it is. Hard, hurting, beautiful, and there to take full advantage of making your own happiness. Don't falter, hang in when something devastates you, remember, this is only a momentary setback and things can change in the blink of an eyelash.
Monday, August 18, 2008
TIME
BY DR. GEORGE BIRTCH
Time passes at the same speed for us all. Each hour has sixty minutes and each day is twenty-four hours long. Yet it does not seem that way. Some hours fly by so quickly that we wonder where the time has gone.
Others drag so unmercifully that we become fretful, frustrated and bored. Any allotment of time has to be measured, not just in minutes or hours, but in terms of our experience of it. It is even possible to get so engrossed in what we are doing that we forget to measure time at all.
Any person who has spent much time drinking and then stops is obviously going to have a lot of time on his hands. At first this is a frightening prospect. The thought of all those evenings with nothing to do, all those weekends to be faced without benefit of chemical escape is enough to dismay even the bravest optimist.
In fact, the reality is sometimes even worse than the anticipation. More than one person has returned to "the sauce" out of sheer boredom. The first way to think of time, therefore is to plan how to use it. Evenings don't have to be a bore or weekends a drag. Not if you use some imagination. Not if you plan.
The operative word is plan. Know in advance just what you are going to do. This is something more than deciding how you are going to put in time. It is planning how to take advantage of the fact that all that time is available to be used in such stimulating and challenging ways that life takes on a whole new flavour. Sidney Katz calls it "life style modification". The other attitude toward time is one of respect. The old proverb declares that time heals all wounds. (My daughter once had a motto hanging in her kitchen which said that time wounds all heels!).
There are some things, including recovery from addiction, that can be achieved only over an extended period of time. There is no short-cut. There is no way in which habit patterns developed over a number of years can suddenly be replaced by a set of new ones. This goes against our ingrained impatience.
We live in the day of instant solutions. There is a pill for every pain. Fast relief is the motto that attracts. Instant coffee, instant breakfast, instant biscuits have a ready market.
When I was a boy two trains a day went through our town headed for Toronto. If you missed the one in the morning, you waited for the one in the evening. Now there is impatience if you miss a slot in the revolving door. It is not easy to wait patiently for time to do its healing work. Yet it is the necessity that each person faces who is working to recovery.
Some relapse because they expect too much too soon. Many more have discovered that, if you do respect the healing power of pay off is tremendous.
Don says: We live in an age of instant needs, need to rush to work, need to be successful there, need to have the perfect family, need to be somebody that is admired by all, needs, needs! Once one gets into this groove, there is a never ending spiral, and life goes by without you even noticing. Stop, smell the roses, you don't need the alcohol, the admiration, you just need to cool it and take one thing at a time, relax, and enjoy life!
Time passes at the same speed for us all. Each hour has sixty minutes and each day is twenty-four hours long. Yet it does not seem that way. Some hours fly by so quickly that we wonder where the time has gone.
Others drag so unmercifully that we become fretful, frustrated and bored. Any allotment of time has to be measured, not just in minutes or hours, but in terms of our experience of it. It is even possible to get so engrossed in what we are doing that we forget to measure time at all.
Any person who has spent much time drinking and then stops is obviously going to have a lot of time on his hands. At first this is a frightening prospect. The thought of all those evenings with nothing to do, all those weekends to be faced without benefit of chemical escape is enough to dismay even the bravest optimist.
In fact, the reality is sometimes even worse than the anticipation. More than one person has returned to "the sauce" out of sheer boredom. The first way to think of time, therefore is to plan how to use it. Evenings don't have to be a bore or weekends a drag. Not if you use some imagination. Not if you plan.
The operative word is plan. Know in advance just what you are going to do. This is something more than deciding how you are going to put in time. It is planning how to take advantage of the fact that all that time is available to be used in such stimulating and challenging ways that life takes on a whole new flavour. Sidney Katz calls it "life style modification". The other attitude toward time is one of respect. The old proverb declares that time heals all wounds. (My daughter once had a motto hanging in her kitchen which said that time wounds all heels!).
There are some things, including recovery from addiction, that can be achieved only over an extended period of time. There is no short-cut. There is no way in which habit patterns developed over a number of years can suddenly be replaced by a set of new ones. This goes against our ingrained impatience.
We live in the day of instant solutions. There is a pill for every pain. Fast relief is the motto that attracts. Instant coffee, instant breakfast, instant biscuits have a ready market.
When I was a boy two trains a day went through our town headed for Toronto. If you missed the one in the morning, you waited for the one in the evening. Now there is impatience if you miss a slot in the revolving door. It is not easy to wait patiently for time to do its healing work. Yet it is the necessity that each person faces who is working to recovery.
Some relapse because they expect too much too soon. Many more have discovered that, if you do respect the healing power of pay off is tremendous.
Don says: We live in an age of instant needs, need to rush to work, need to be successful there, need to have the perfect family, need to be somebody that is admired by all, needs, needs! Once one gets into this groove, there is a never ending spiral, and life goes by without you even noticing. Stop, smell the roses, you don't need the alcohol, the admiration, you just need to cool it and take one thing at a time, relax, and enjoy life!
ON STAYING AWAKE
BY DR. GEORGE BIRTCH
Sometimes we worry because we stay awake at night. We might also worry because we do NOT stay awake in the daytime.
On the road to health it may well be that insomnia is less a peril than somnambulism. It is not just those who lie down who go to sleep. It is easy to go to sleep intellectually. As little children we were curious about things. We kept asking why? Why? Why?
As we grow older pride often prevents us from admitting ignorance. We pretend we know. Or we are not interested any more. We do not care to know. And so our minds go to sleep in a world where there is so much to learn and discover.
Oliver Wendell Holmes was in his eighties when he started to study Greek. A friend asked him why at his age he should do that. Of what possible use could it be? Holmes' answer was simply. "I want to know Greek".
We are not as old as the calendar says. We are as old as our intellectual curiosity. No one is old who is still learning, growing, exploring. No one is young who has stopped doing that.
We worry lest we not have enough years left to live out our life. We should worry lest we have not enough life left to live out our years.
It is easy to go to sleep in self-discipline. There are many failures in recovery, not because the person does not want to recover, but because he is unwilling to accept the discipline required to change from one habit pattern to another.
A sign on a frozen mud road in Northern Ontario used to read, "Be careful which rut you choose. You will be in it for the next forty five miles." Good living habits do not just happen. As they say in the self-help group called Recovery, Inc., you have to "command your muscles".
Stern self-discipline is required to get a healthy habit pattern firmly fixed. Will power is not as old fashioned as is often supposed. It is easy to allow social consciouness to go to sleep. Cocoons are comfortable. We can weave a silky shell around ourselves and become quite unaware of "how the other half lives".
One man, prominent in business circles, claimed that for him one of the great benefits of being in Donwood was that he got to know intimately men and women vastly different from himself in living standard and education. He got to know them as human beings, and became their friends.
"Normally" he said, "I live and work with people who all talk the same way, think the same way, have the same values and goals. This experience has shaken me out of my cosy little nest".
We live in a world of radical change and tremendous challenge. Yet many pretend it "business as usual" When Rip Van Winkle went to sleep the picture on the sign on the inn was of George III. When he woke up it was the picture of George Washington. He had slept through a revolution!
Health is not simply an absence of physical distress. Health is being awake mentally. It is living a controlled and balanced life. It is being alert to the limitations and handicaps and deprivations of many people around us, and being awake enought to do something about it.
Don says: Soak this one in, it is deep. Copy this and post it on your bathroom mirror so you can see it at the beginning of each day.
Sometimes we worry because we stay awake at night. We might also worry because we do NOT stay awake in the daytime.
On the road to health it may well be that insomnia is less a peril than somnambulism. It is not just those who lie down who go to sleep. It is easy to go to sleep intellectually. As little children we were curious about things. We kept asking why? Why? Why?
As we grow older pride often prevents us from admitting ignorance. We pretend we know. Or we are not interested any more. We do not care to know. And so our minds go to sleep in a world where there is so much to learn and discover.
Oliver Wendell Holmes was in his eighties when he started to study Greek. A friend asked him why at his age he should do that. Of what possible use could it be? Holmes' answer was simply. "I want to know Greek".
We are not as old as the calendar says. We are as old as our intellectual curiosity. No one is old who is still learning, growing, exploring. No one is young who has stopped doing that.
We worry lest we not have enough years left to live out our life. We should worry lest we have not enough life left to live out our years.
It is easy to go to sleep in self-discipline. There are many failures in recovery, not because the person does not want to recover, but because he is unwilling to accept the discipline required to change from one habit pattern to another.
A sign on a frozen mud road in Northern Ontario used to read, "Be careful which rut you choose. You will be in it for the next forty five miles." Good living habits do not just happen. As they say in the self-help group called Recovery, Inc., you have to "command your muscles".
Stern self-discipline is required to get a healthy habit pattern firmly fixed. Will power is not as old fashioned as is often supposed. It is easy to allow social consciouness to go to sleep. Cocoons are comfortable. We can weave a silky shell around ourselves and become quite unaware of "how the other half lives".
One man, prominent in business circles, claimed that for him one of the great benefits of being in Donwood was that he got to know intimately men and women vastly different from himself in living standard and education. He got to know them as human beings, and became their friends.
"Normally" he said, "I live and work with people who all talk the same way, think the same way, have the same values and goals. This experience has shaken me out of my cosy little nest".
We live in a world of radical change and tremendous challenge. Yet many pretend it "business as usual" When Rip Van Winkle went to sleep the picture on the sign on the inn was of George III. When he woke up it was the picture of George Washington. He had slept through a revolution!
Health is not simply an absence of physical distress. Health is being awake mentally. It is living a controlled and balanced life. It is being alert to the limitations and handicaps and deprivations of many people around us, and being awake enought to do something about it.
Don says: Soak this one in, it is deep. Copy this and post it on your bathroom mirror so you can see it at the beginning of each day.
A MAN CALLED JOHN
BY DR. GEORGE BIRTCH
There is a man called John.
As a boy he learned things that have influenced his performance as a man. Patterns were imprinted that are stil part of what he is. He learned, for example, that when he excelled he was praised and applauded. When he failed, he noted a look of sadness in his mother's eye. As a good boy, he enjoyed parental favour. Badness let to crises in the woodshed.
Out of all this John learned something. To win favour, he must excel. Popularity must be earned. Weaknesses must be hidden. Only his "good" side can he afford to expose to public view.
When John fails, as he sometimes does, he is desolate. His self-confidence takes a beating. He knows other people must dislike and even despise him. The only way back to favour that he knows is to work overtime at a superman performance.
Have you met John? Do you like him? Is he the sort of person whose company you seek out, and with whom you can relax and be yourself?
In this pursuit of health, one of the key words is identity. Whatever else it means, it includes knowing and accepting one's self as one really is. I have strong points and I have weak points. So do you. Mine are different from yours. Each one of us has a unique combination of strengths and weaknesses.
As the song says, "I've gotta be me". That's not where the story ends, but it is where it has to begin. I am just me. You are just you. We might as well get used to it, accept one another, and start from there.
Don says: Do you see yourself here? If so, look specifically at your strong and weak points, and see how you can improve your life by changing them
There is a man called John.
As a boy he learned things that have influenced his performance as a man. Patterns were imprinted that are stil part of what he is. He learned, for example, that when he excelled he was praised and applauded. When he failed, he noted a look of sadness in his mother's eye. As a good boy, he enjoyed parental favour. Badness let to crises in the woodshed.
Out of all this John learned something. To win favour, he must excel. Popularity must be earned. Weaknesses must be hidden. Only his "good" side can he afford to expose to public view.
When John fails, as he sometimes does, he is desolate. His self-confidence takes a beating. He knows other people must dislike and even despise him. The only way back to favour that he knows is to work overtime at a superman performance.
Have you met John? Do you like him? Is he the sort of person whose company you seek out, and with whom you can relax and be yourself?
In this pursuit of health, one of the key words is identity. Whatever else it means, it includes knowing and accepting one's self as one really is. I have strong points and I have weak points. So do you. Mine are different from yours. Each one of us has a unique combination of strengths and weaknesses.
As the song says, "I've gotta be me". That's not where the story ends, but it is where it has to begin. I am just me. You are just you. We might as well get used to it, accept one another, and start from there.
Don says: Do you see yourself here? If so, look specifically at your strong and weak points, and see how you can improve your life by changing them
FEELINGS OF GUILT
BY DR. GEORGE BIRTCH
There have been several people recently who have expressed feeling of guilt over things done in the past that can never be undone. The guilt weight so heavily that they are handicapped in handling the present and anxious regarding the future.
It is one thing to feel guilty about some form of behaviour in the present that is unacceptable to you at your best. That is normal, in the same sense that having a fever is the normal result of infection. The fever is the signal of the infection. It is the warning bell. You go to the doctor and he attacks the infection, knowing that if that is dealt with the fever will look after itself.
In the same sense guilt is useful in sending up a signal that draws attention to a trouble spot. Guilt about behaviour that is over and done with is something else again. It has no positive value, unless there is still that which can be done to make restitution.
It is natural to feel remorse for something in the past that has caused hurt or has been destructive. But to dwell on it and re-live it and brood over it is futile. It saps the power to make best use of the present.
The only time life can be lived is in the present. We can learn from experience, even experience of failure. But then we have to master the art of leaving the past behind. This not just self-hypnotism. It is an act of faith in the universe. It is believing that the forces on the side of life are stronger than the powers that destroy. If that were not so the world would have gone down the drain long ago. Tune in to Life, or Health, or whatever power that leads to positive and hopeful living. You can trust life to weave the past into the mosaic of the present and the future.
Don says: Been there, done that! I have wasted a lot of my time by rehashing old, stupid things I have done. They are there, we can not change that, but we can control our emotions, and go on with life, learning from our experiences.
An old chinese way of handling bad present and past memories is to envision in your mind a box, much like a safety deposit box at the bank, key and all. Mentally take the memory and put it in the box, lock it up. Leave it there, and try not to think of what you are concealing. It works for me!
There have been several people recently who have expressed feeling of guilt over things done in the past that can never be undone. The guilt weight so heavily that they are handicapped in handling the present and anxious regarding the future.
It is one thing to feel guilty about some form of behaviour in the present that is unacceptable to you at your best. That is normal, in the same sense that having a fever is the normal result of infection. The fever is the signal of the infection. It is the warning bell. You go to the doctor and he attacks the infection, knowing that if that is dealt with the fever will look after itself.
In the same sense guilt is useful in sending up a signal that draws attention to a trouble spot. Guilt about behaviour that is over and done with is something else again. It has no positive value, unless there is still that which can be done to make restitution.
It is natural to feel remorse for something in the past that has caused hurt or has been destructive. But to dwell on it and re-live it and brood over it is futile. It saps the power to make best use of the present.
The only time life can be lived is in the present. We can learn from experience, even experience of failure. But then we have to master the art of leaving the past behind. This not just self-hypnotism. It is an act of faith in the universe. It is believing that the forces on the side of life are stronger than the powers that destroy. If that were not so the world would have gone down the drain long ago. Tune in to Life, or Health, or whatever power that leads to positive and hopeful living. You can trust life to weave the past into the mosaic of the present and the future.
Don says: Been there, done that! I have wasted a lot of my time by rehashing old, stupid things I have done. They are there, we can not change that, but we can control our emotions, and go on with life, learning from our experiences.
An old chinese way of handling bad present and past memories is to envision in your mind a box, much like a safety deposit box at the bank, key and all. Mentally take the memory and put it in the box, lock it up. Leave it there, and try not to think of what you are concealing. It works for me!
ANTIDOTES TO LONELINESS
BY DR. GEORGE BIRTCH
Loneliness is no stranger to anyone. It is a common human experience.
In some it is the major problem of their lives. It is listed as one of the significant contributing factors to this illness with which we are so familiar.
"What can a person do about his or her loneliness?" One thing we discover is that loneliness is not simply the result of being alone. There are times when being by yourself is pleasant. It occurs to me, as I sit writing this piece, that I am alone. There is no one in the house except my dog and me. Yet I am not lonely. And as I consider why, I realize it is because I am writing this piece! I am absorbed in exploring some ideas, trying to work out some thoughts in words and sentences, and so there is notime to think of being lonely.
"Purposefully doing something that absorbs your interest is one antidote to loneliness." Another fact we discover is that we can be lonely in a crowd. We can feel that way even in a room full of acquaintances attending an event intended to be social. Yet there we are, and no one is noticing us or talking to us or acting as if they cared about us at all.
We feel hurt and bruised inside, horribly lonely. In desperation we turn to someone standing near and speak to him, asking a simple question about himself. He gratefully responds, for he felt like an island too and suddenly we are not lonely any more.
"To take the initiative in friendliness is another antidote to loneliness" We need people to help us know ourselves. I am unique, and so are you. But I might never know my uniqueness if it weren't for you Sometimes I wonder who I am and whether there is anything identifiable about me at all.
I wonder, until one day you and I have a conversation and you express your ideas honestly and I express mine. My thoughts seemed vague to me till I tried to persuade you. If I, in a namby-pamby way, had agreed with everything you said I still would be vague about me. But when I am honest and say what I really feel, then I begin to know myself better. I need you even in order to get to know me.
"To be honest in expressing thoughts and feelings to another, and so to become a more authentic person, is a third antidote to loneliness". These are only three of many answers. Sometimes when you are feeling lonely pick up a pen and write out some answers of your own. That is a sure cure!
Don Says: The key word here is honesty. How often I, in alcoholic haze fudged my actions to placate my wife, my kids, my employer etc. Dishonesty becomes a way of life for the alcoholic since he has to continually make up stories to cover his drinking and absences from work etc.
It was a relief therefore, when I quit drinking, to tell the truth, and lo and behold I had memories of what I had done that day, the day before, and so on. I was at last happy!
Loneliness is no stranger to anyone. It is a common human experience.
In some it is the major problem of their lives. It is listed as one of the significant contributing factors to this illness with which we are so familiar.
"What can a person do about his or her loneliness?" One thing we discover is that loneliness is not simply the result of being alone. There are times when being by yourself is pleasant. It occurs to me, as I sit writing this piece, that I am alone. There is no one in the house except my dog and me. Yet I am not lonely. And as I consider why, I realize it is because I am writing this piece! I am absorbed in exploring some ideas, trying to work out some thoughts in words and sentences, and so there is notime to think of being lonely.
"Purposefully doing something that absorbs your interest is one antidote to loneliness." Another fact we discover is that we can be lonely in a crowd. We can feel that way even in a room full of acquaintances attending an event intended to be social. Yet there we are, and no one is noticing us or talking to us or acting as if they cared about us at all.
We feel hurt and bruised inside, horribly lonely. In desperation we turn to someone standing near and speak to him, asking a simple question about himself. He gratefully responds, for he felt like an island too and suddenly we are not lonely any more.
"To take the initiative in friendliness is another antidote to loneliness" We need people to help us know ourselves. I am unique, and so are you. But I might never know my uniqueness if it weren't for you Sometimes I wonder who I am and whether there is anything identifiable about me at all.
I wonder, until one day you and I have a conversation and you express your ideas honestly and I express mine. My thoughts seemed vague to me till I tried to persuade you. If I, in a namby-pamby way, had agreed with everything you said I still would be vague about me. But when I am honest and say what I really feel, then I begin to know myself better. I need you even in order to get to know me.
"To be honest in expressing thoughts and feelings to another, and so to become a more authentic person, is a third antidote to loneliness". These are only three of many answers. Sometimes when you are feeling lonely pick up a pen and write out some answers of your own. That is a sure cure!
Don Says: The key word here is honesty. How often I, in alcoholic haze fudged my actions to placate my wife, my kids, my employer etc. Dishonesty becomes a way of life for the alcoholic since he has to continually make up stories to cover his drinking and absences from work etc.
It was a relief therefore, when I quit drinking, to tell the truth, and lo and behold I had memories of what I had done that day, the day before, and so on. I was at last happy!
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