ANTIDOTES TO LONELINESS

BY DR. GEORGE BIRTCH

Loneliness is no stranger to anyone. It is a common human experience.

In some it is the major problem of their lives. It is listed as one of the significant contributing factors to this illness with which we are so familiar.

"What can a person do about his or her loneliness?" One thing we discover is that loneliness is not simply the result of being alone. There are times when being by yourself is pleasant. It occurs to me, as I sit writing this piece, that I am alone. There is no one in the house except my dog and me. Yet I am not lonely. And as I consider why, I realize it is because I am writing this piece! I am absorbed in exploring some ideas, trying to work out some thoughts in words and sentences, and so there is notime to think of being lonely.

"Purposefully doing something that absorbs your interest is one antidote to loneliness." Another fact we discover is that we can be lonely in a crowd. We can feel that way even in a room full of acquaintances attending an event intended to be social. Yet there we are, and no one is noticing us or talking to us or acting as if they cared about us at all.

We feel hurt and bruised inside, horribly lonely. In desperation we turn to someone standing near and speak to him, asking a simple question about himself. He gratefully responds, for he felt like an island too and suddenly we are not lonely any more.

"To take the initiative in friendliness is another antidote to loneliness" We need people to help us know ourselves. I am unique, and so are you. But I might never know my uniqueness if it weren't for you Sometimes I wonder who I am and whether there is anything identifiable about me at all.

I wonder, until one day you and I have a conversation and you express your ideas honestly and I express mine. My thoughts seemed vague to me till I tried to persuade you. If I, in a namby-pamby way, had agreed with everything you said I still would be vague about me. But when I am honest and say what I really feel, then I begin to know myself better. I need you even in order to get to know me.

"To be honest in expressing thoughts and feelings to another, and so to become a more authentic person, is a third antidote to loneliness". These are only three of many answers. Sometimes when you are feeling lonely pick up a pen and write out some answers of your own. That is a sure cure!

Don Says: The key word here is honesty. How often I, in alcoholic haze fudged my actions to placate my wife, my kids, my employer etc. Dishonesty becomes a way of life for the alcoholic since he has to continually make up stories to cover his drinking and absences from work etc.

It was a relief therefore, when I quit drinking, to tell the truth, and lo and behold I had memories of what I had done that day, the day before, and so on. I was at last happy!