THE CONSIDERATE MAN

BY DR. GEORGE BIRTCH

When Jack went home from Donwood there was one lesson he had learned well. He had learned the importance of expressing his feelings.

"Don't bottle up your feelings so much", he had been told. "That is dangerous. It is unhealthy. If you are angry, express your anger. If you are frustrated, talk it out. Otherwise your feelings just build up until one day there is a great explosion"

Jack also learned that being honest about his feelings helped him to know himself. It helped other people to know him better. It gave him a feeling of confidence to be so open. It helped communication with his wife and other people. And so Jack expressed his feelings.

Since he ran into many disturbing situations he was often angry. And he didn't hold it in. He sounded off. He told people exactly how he felt about them. He let them have it, both barrels. And, of course, when it was all over he felt better. Jack had gotten rid of his anger.

He soon discovered, however, that Jill his wife had feelings too. When he let fly a barrage of angry words in her direction, Jill tried to keep her cool. But that was not good for her. She became all upset. She soon decided that if it was good for Jack to express his anger it was good for her as well. Sauce for the gander is also sauce for the goose.

And so it came to pass that for a few months Jank and Jill had some angry quarrels that made the rafters ring. It was Jill who decided that something had to be done about it. They went together to talk with someone whose judgment they trusted. They described what was happening to them. As a result of that interview they have taken a second look. They still recognize the importance of the kind of talk that expresses what they really feel. But now they are seeing that consideration for the feelings of the other person is important too.

Thoughtfulness, consideration, respect, a desire to help and not hurt have still not gone out of style. Concern for the dignity of the other person is a feeling too. And it needs to be expressed not just occasionally but should inform and effect the expression of all other feelings. Things have changed now around the old home. Jack and Jill are closer than they have ever been before. Every day they talk about the things that really matter to them. Part of the reason is that they both open up and expose how they really feel about life and about one another. But another part - a most important part - of the reason is simply this Jack has become a considerate man.

Don says: "Thoughtfulness, consideration, respect, a desire to help and not hurt", what a bevy of words that would make our lives so much happier! We don't have to be alcoholics to use the meaning of these words. Love is another word that can do wonders. When was the last time you told your wife that you loved her? Love, a simple short word, but so powerful! Tell her the next time you see her, and often after that.