UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

BY DR. GEORGE BIRTCH

One of the hazards encountered on the road to recovery from dependency on a chemical is the danger of unrealistic expectations.

Sometimes it is the person himself who is unrealistic. He expects too much to happen too soon. During the treatment program in hospital many new insights are gained. He sees his life in new perspectives.

Where there was despair now there is hope. Plans are made for necessary changes. Objectives are set for personal fulfilment and for family life. He goes home from hospital and starts in on the new program. There are successes that are unbelievably encouraging. But there are also obstacles, often unexpected.

People around him fail to share the enthusiasm for this Great Adventure in Living. The edge is taken off the first fine careless rapture. Indeed, by the third month discouragement begins to rear its ugly head.

He finds himself humming the tune. "Is this all there is?" Is this why the percentage of relapse in the third month is so high? The unrealistic expectations may be shared by the family. The attitude often is, "If only Joe would quit drinking, our problems would be solved". So Joe quits drinking. And the problems aren't all solved.

Indeed, it was simpler before, because everything could be blamed on the drinking. Now a whole new set of problems emerges. Relationships have to be examined. Attitudes to one another have to be re-appraised. Responsibilities have to be redivided. Instead of it being one person's problem -- now a whole family has to take a fresh look at their emotional and behavioral patterns.

The temptation may even be to say "It was easier to cope with things when Joe was drinking." Those responsible for treatment keep saying, "Recovery is a long process. It will take a year to begin to feel the rewards of this new life pattern. It will require two to five years to get firmly established. At first you just have to hang on. Don't expect too much too soon."

But, being human, we do get carried away. Just recognize the danger of unrealistic expectations.

Don says: Right on! The many times I quit drinking, only to go back, were a disappointment. Surely I was a magnificent person!! Here I had quit a terrible problem, and where were all the people congratulating me? Didn't I deserve more? Well I had to get off the pot and face it, I had to do this without fanfare and congratulations. After all I was only becoming human again!