DEVELOPING A REASON FOR BEING

Perhaps one of the most important steps in the process of recovery, is the transition from one who merely seems genuine to a person who, for the most part, is genuine. In society today genuineness is rather rare and those who seek to be themselves find considerable pressure to be otherwise. During treatment something happened to put you in touch with the inner self. Often this occurs on the physical level first. A feeling of well-being, brought about by sobriety, exercise, nutrition, relaxation and an organized day. This experience however needs to be supported by some form of psychological breakthrough.

To accept the fact that there are problems, or to surrender to that word alcoholic, are the more common types of insight first experienced. If, what happens here is sufficiently meaningful, there usually follows a sincere desire to better know and understand the self and to find one's place in the scheme of things.

Too often the role of our follow-up program is not fully appreciated as a therapeutic method of achieving this end. Whether you are a local, or out-of-town patient, we recommend attendance at a weekly meeting with others, who are on a similar course of discovery. The key to success in this particular form of therapy, is prolonged regular attendance. Too often, the stress and tension of a group relationship produces feelings of indifference to the process, and in this lack of faith in the ultimate benefits, motivation wanes.

It almost seems as if we avoid communication with another because we are afraid, that in sharing, we may diminish our own personality or our potential meaning. Sometimes a patient will try to grow in isolation and sickness takes hold. Many of us fail to appreciate how the gift of our own personality and the variety of our experiences could enrich the mix. Rather we feel a threat to our ego.

Man, allegedly a social being, often feels more at ease with a wild animal. He somehow bristles at the appearance of another human.

To say that this should not be, is not enough. We must emphasize that while these stumbling blocks are part of our nature, they are a false message and lead to that disastrous path called "the easy out". Each and every individual has an essence of quality. None has been denied. This deep inner force can and will identify with others within the group. Given sufficient time this magnetic form of energy will seek out and share itself with others of like quality. Each will be different, each can either stimulate or console the other. Unfortunately these truths must be experienced to be fully understrood and appreciated.

The condition of the patient often includes damage to his own preceptions surrounding his deep inner self. His past experience probably produced habit patterns that tend to inhibit trust and a willingness to share.

Yet, for one to feel at ease with oneself, and with his place in nature, he must share this most precious quality. It is in this act that we find the centre of ourselves.

In the past we fled from responsible personal existence. Being unwilling to answer for our genuineness, we escaped into an unhealthy, if initially acceptable, lifestyle. We became responsible only to ourselves and in the end, opted out on that as well.

The clearest indication of our plight was our inability to listen or hear the voice of another. Part of the process of the past saddled us with guilt. In repressing our knowledge of this feeling of guilt we became emersed in it. As part of recovery, reconciliation and dealing with guilt must accompany this acceptance of responsibility. Often reconciliation with the offended, is not possible. What is possible, however, is reconciliation with mankind, and ourselves, through the process of a group experience.

Seen in this light, the regular evening meeting takes on a new significance. Here, among people with common problems, we can take the risk of exposing our inner self. Here, one night a week, we can be open, honest and genuine. No pretense is necessary. Here among the compassionate, we can talk of our feelings of guilt and our irresponsibilities of the past. Here we find an acceptance, an acceptance that not only affirms our existance but also affirms our significance in the lives of others.

It is all there for those who work at it hard enough and persist long enough.

It is a process of developing a reason for being.

DOUG MARTIN

DON SAYS: Doug wrote this article while employed at the Donwood Institute in August of 1986. A very comprehensive and well written article of learning our self awareness. Read it slowly, taking in every nuance and fact and I am sure it will be helpful in overcoming the sickness of alcohol