I SHOULD LIKE ME - DO I?

Self study is an important method for detecting what's wrong. "You must become familiar with this stranger or acquaintance, as familiar as though you were acquainting yourself with a strange city, Montreal for instance....viewing it from many different angles; from the waterfronts, from the top of the Dominion Centre, from a park bench."

Becoming acquainted with oneself...self...analysis really...involves taking a pencil and paper whenever you're overcome by a feeling of worthlessness and writing down whatever comes to mind. Let the pencil freely write what you feel, regardless of whether "it appears trivial, off the point, irrational, incoherent, indiscreet, tactless, embarrassing, or humiliating."

Don't try to write down your thoughts at a certain time every day, as a task, on a schedule. Just let it happen. Use catchwords to capture your whole thought when writing fast. Then put away the paper, and days or weeks later, look at what you've written to see what it means.

Don't expect magic...a blinding flash of light, a EUREKA! and sudden insight. Study your notes for what arrests your attention, strikes an emotional chord. If nothing makes sense, if it's all puzzling, put down questions in the margin. Let your mind dwell on the notes and slowly, later, things that appear meaningless become clear.

Don't try to understand too much at one time. "Any relevant insight, needs time and undivided attention and concentration if it is to sink in and take root." This kind of detective work, tracking down one's own self, can help a person pinpoint what makes him dislike himself.

Listening to one's own speech habits, like those mentioned earlier, and catching oneself up on them is a help. "Why can't I ever look where I'm going?"..."What an idiot I am!..."Why did I say something so silly?... they must think I am a fool!"

Once you become conscious of making self-deprecating comments like these and consciously stop it, your opinion of yourself increases. A better habit is to emphasize triumphs.

Some people only pretend to downgrade themselves; they're really asking for more praise by deprecating themselves. "I could have done a better job, this really isn't good," a hostess says, serving dinner to her guests. She means; Tell me again how delicious it is. Still other people depricate themselves whenever they're complimented, to put down the friend who praises them, as if to say: YOU have bad judgement.

They reward a compliment with an insult. "This suit?...they say contemtuously when you compliment them on where they're wearing...."Why I only paid $50 for it in Eaton's budget store!" This kind of putdown can be corrected once a person becomes conscious of what he's actually up to.

We're all victims, to a certain degree, of a fairy-tale belief that we should be proficient in
dozens of things and should have bushels and basketfuls of accomplishments.

We should be able to make as superb a meal as the master chef whose recipe we've just torn out of the newspaper; we should dance with professional skill; we should be as good a conversationalist as Dr. Bell or Dr. Birtch. We run hard to achieve many such abilities... and when we fall short, our self-esteem sinks right along with it.

The fact is that no one can be really proficient in much more than his own speciality. Accepting that fact can be a tremendous relief. Doing one's own job well is sufficient.

When you do get a better opinion of yourself, everything approves. The two aims of self-study; To be less handicapped by fears, and to develop to the best of one's capacities.

This new self-respect, and self confidence frees you to develop your own assets and abilities. Whether in the kitchen, socially or at the office, it's easier to relax and be more productive, more fanciful, more creative. And, people treat you better, like you better, respect you more because you're happy with yourself and radiate good spirits.

You think well of yourself and so do they.

HERB WOLFF

DON SAYS: Herb was on staff at the Donwood Clinic in, I believe the 70's. This is a very deep and well thought out article.