On Auust 2nd 1976 (Simcoe Day or Civic Holiday - take your choice) I was present at the one group meeting held on such occasions in the main lounge at The Donwood Institute.
As usual, there were people there from many different groups representing many different stages of recovery. This mix usually produces interesting and productive discussion. This meeting was no exception.
We got into the business of holidays and, as might be expected, there were two or three in the group who had been thinking in terms of having "a few drinks while I'm on my holidays and get back on my antabuse when I go back to work."
A vigorous discussion led, for the most part, by members who had longer experience in recovery, seemed to bring a logical conclusion - the only way to approach a holiday is to make a decision, well in advance, that you will not risk lousing up another holiday by "experimenting". It was generally agreed that this just does not work.
At this point the conversation took a somewhat different direction - an expansion of scope.
One group member with better than four years in recovery talked about what treatment had meant to him, the difficulties encountered, the changes that he ultimately became aware of and how he viewed himself and his life situation now.
At one point in his stay he made a statement that appeared to be self-contradictory. He said, "I don't like challenges anymore, I just like adventure." Another group member asked him what he meant by it.
I can't quote him verbatim but the general gist of his answer goes like this: "The challenges I refer to are not those that anyone might encounter in day to day living but rather challenges that I created for myself - trying to be a tough guy, when I wasn't; trying to act like a big shot, when I wasn't; trying to show that alcohol wasn't bothering me, when it was. The insurmountable challenge of trying to "catch up" kept me in constant mental turmoil - one day I would promise myself that I would do this and that and when I failed, promise I would do even more tomorrow and fail again."
The group had little or no trouble identifying with some or all of what he was saying, but what about the "adventure" part of what he had said - what did he mean by that? In general terms, he replied this way: "In the beginning I stayed dry because I had no alternative - I knew what would happen if I began to drink again and that added up to disaster. But the longer I stayed dry the better it began to feel. First, physically, I became aware of the simple pleasure of waking up without the pain and confusion of withdrawal. Gradually, I became aware of the changes of attitude of those around me - I sensed a new level of acceptance. Finally, I began to experience the beginnings of self-acceptance and this was the best feeling of all.
"This has taken on, for me, all the aspects of adventure - getting to know and explore the real me, meeting and knowing and being accepted by new people and being just myself with them has been and continues to be, exciting. The challenges that I now have to meet are real and, now, the meeting of those challenges is real adventure... the simple adventure of living as a whole person."
Simple? Perhaps too simple to be fully appreciated, but some how I feel that our friend has found an adventure that will bring excitement and reward as long as he lives it.
MIKE WILSON
DON SAYS: Mike was on the staff of the Donwood when this article was written in 1976. This particularly hit home with me. The real honesty of this man, and the way he now faces his addiction is thrilling. Good for him! I hope he makes it all the way home.
Friday, February 20, 2009
CONTROL EQUALS PLEASURE?
I would like to add one thought to the discussion in the press and other media that suggests that some people who have had an uncontrolled dependence upon alcohol can return to "social drinking".
Most articles that I have read and studies that I have seen refer to "controlled" drinking. The very word "controlled" suggests to me the absence of any easy, stress-free, natural inclination to use alcohol moderately. To attempt to "control" the use of alcohol seems to be a painful and stressful effort to prove a point that has no merit. It doesn't seem to offer one bit of pleasure.
The accepted use of beverage alcohol in our society is meant to be pleasurable. The majority of those who use it are able to restrict their intake in a manner that achieves pleasure without undue efforts of self-restraint.
For those who, for whatever reasons have been unable to use alcohol in this way and have developed an uncontrolled dependence, the consequences are all too painfully known to us.
The need for this group is treatment and recovery.
But recovery is a wide-ranging experience that calls for the best use of all our resources. Re-establishment and maintenance of a good level of physical health - perhaps better than we have experienced in the past - is but the first goal.
Pursuit of even greater, and very real social comfort - reflected in the relationships we develop at home, on the job and in the community - demands the highest goodwill, patience, and sense of purpose that we can muster.
And, finally, we need to regain self-respect, respect of others, self-confidence and a belief in and acceptance of ourselves - to gain a reasonable degree of peace of mind.
All in all, a sizeable task, but an attainable one, if we can devote ourselves to it without needless distraction and self-made stresses. I do not think there can be enough left over to enter into an experiment...an experiment that offers little or no reward and carries the hazard of disaster.
MIKE WILSON
DON SAYS: Mike was on staff at the Donwood Institute when this article was written in October of 1976. As usual Mike has given us a very thought provoking essay, and as usual is very down to earth.
Most articles that I have read and studies that I have seen refer to "controlled" drinking. The very word "controlled" suggests to me the absence of any easy, stress-free, natural inclination to use alcohol moderately. To attempt to "control" the use of alcohol seems to be a painful and stressful effort to prove a point that has no merit. It doesn't seem to offer one bit of pleasure.
The accepted use of beverage alcohol in our society is meant to be pleasurable. The majority of those who use it are able to restrict their intake in a manner that achieves pleasure without undue efforts of self-restraint.
For those who, for whatever reasons have been unable to use alcohol in this way and have developed an uncontrolled dependence, the consequences are all too painfully known to us.
The need for this group is treatment and recovery.
But recovery is a wide-ranging experience that calls for the best use of all our resources. Re-establishment and maintenance of a good level of physical health - perhaps better than we have experienced in the past - is but the first goal.
Pursuit of even greater, and very real social comfort - reflected in the relationships we develop at home, on the job and in the community - demands the highest goodwill, patience, and sense of purpose that we can muster.
And, finally, we need to regain self-respect, respect of others, self-confidence and a belief in and acceptance of ourselves - to gain a reasonable degree of peace of mind.
All in all, a sizeable task, but an attainable one, if we can devote ourselves to it without needless distraction and self-made stresses. I do not think there can be enough left over to enter into an experiment...an experiment that offers little or no reward and carries the hazard of disaster.
MIKE WILSON
DON SAYS: Mike was on staff at the Donwood Institute when this article was written in October of 1976. As usual Mike has given us a very thought provoking essay, and as usual is very down to earth.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
HONESTY IS THE ONLY POLICY
During our stay at Donwood we are afforded the unique (and sometimes painful) opportunity to devote an entire month to the process of self-evaluation. Through the gentle proddings of Mrs. Mary Epp, and the more dramatic confrontations of doctors, movies, video tapes and group therapy, we are gradually led to see ourselves - not only as others see us, but as we really are. The development and degree of acceptance of this self-honesty we are able to maintain during this initial period of introspection, and we begin to build a life free of chemicals.
If we recognize that a prolonged, abusive use of chemicals has led us to poor health physically and socially, then we must also accept the fact that we have become ill psychologically. It seems to me that this symptom of our disease is the most damaging, as our return to total health hinges to such a large extent upon our ability to reverse its ingrained, lingering hold upon us.
Manipulation, procrastination, misrepresentation and self-deception - all employed artfully, almost unconsciously, serves to protect our habit as we move through the addictive process. Our ability to see these patterns of behaviour as having been the controlling influences in our lives is clouded by a mental block known as "defensive thinking." Defensive thinking can continue to be a significant impediment to clear, objective thought, for as long as two years. This we must accept on faith - bewildering and disconcerting as it may seem.
HONESTY: in recognizing the devastating influence the use of chemicals has had upon our lives and the lives of those about us;
HONESTY: in facing up to the impossibility of return to "social" drinking and the need for total abstinence;
HONESTY: in our desire to establish a new pattern of living, and trust in those whose aim is to help us achieve this goal - the kind of trust that allows us to say that we hurt, that we are having difficulty, that we need and want help;
HONESTY: in all our dealings with others - to drop the "front" and to present ourselves as we really are, and the trust that we will be accepted if we demonstrate the same acceptance of others.
HONESTY: with ourselves in all things, and trust in another's motive in pointing out our apparent failures in this area.
This kind of honesty and trust does not come to us easily. Defensive thinking is a powerful force in opposition. We must begin to break it down through a conscious, day-to-day campaign to make self-honesty a way of life. A ten to fifteen minute review of our actions, words and thoughts of today reveals our progress or our retrogression and prepares us for tomorrow's continuing effort. In time, we will establish that peace of mind and self-confidence that rest within any man who can look himself squarely in the eye.
THINK ABOUT IT _ HONESTLY!
MIKE WILSON.
DON SAYS: Mike was on the staff of the Donwood Institute in the 70's when this wonderful article was written. It can stand for the ordinary citizen who does not have a chemical problem. It is a map for healthy living.
If we recognize that a prolonged, abusive use of chemicals has led us to poor health physically and socially, then we must also accept the fact that we have become ill psychologically. It seems to me that this symptom of our disease is the most damaging, as our return to total health hinges to such a large extent upon our ability to reverse its ingrained, lingering hold upon us.
Manipulation, procrastination, misrepresentation and self-deception - all employed artfully, almost unconsciously, serves to protect our habit as we move through the addictive process. Our ability to see these patterns of behaviour as having been the controlling influences in our lives is clouded by a mental block known as "defensive thinking." Defensive thinking can continue to be a significant impediment to clear, objective thought, for as long as two years. This we must accept on faith - bewildering and disconcerting as it may seem.
HONESTY: in recognizing the devastating influence the use of chemicals has had upon our lives and the lives of those about us;
HONESTY: in facing up to the impossibility of return to "social" drinking and the need for total abstinence;
HONESTY: in our desire to establish a new pattern of living, and trust in those whose aim is to help us achieve this goal - the kind of trust that allows us to say that we hurt, that we are having difficulty, that we need and want help;
HONESTY: in all our dealings with others - to drop the "front" and to present ourselves as we really are, and the trust that we will be accepted if we demonstrate the same acceptance of others.
HONESTY: with ourselves in all things, and trust in another's motive in pointing out our apparent failures in this area.
This kind of honesty and trust does not come to us easily. Defensive thinking is a powerful force in opposition. We must begin to break it down through a conscious, day-to-day campaign to make self-honesty a way of life. A ten to fifteen minute review of our actions, words and thoughts of today reveals our progress or our retrogression and prepares us for tomorrow's continuing effort. In time, we will establish that peace of mind and self-confidence that rest within any man who can look himself squarely in the eye.
THINK ABOUT IT _ HONESTLY!
MIKE WILSON.
DON SAYS: Mike was on the staff of the Donwood Institute in the 70's when this wonderful article was written. It can stand for the ordinary citizen who does not have a chemical problem. It is a map for healthy living.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
HEALTHY ALCOHOLICS
EASIER TO TREAT -
Hamilton
Alcoholics are getting onto the band wagon of personal responsibility for health and it's making them easier to treat.
George Blake, director of psychological services at Oshawa General Hospital, and formerly director of its Pinewood Centre for alcoholism, spoke of changing attitudes at the annual Institute on Addiction Studies here.
"We have seen attitudes change from regarding alcoholism as a moral issue, associated with crime and with being bad, to a disease model, and back to the moral issue in disguise...Responsibility for one's health and one's behaviour implies personal standards.
"Those of us who work in clinics are finding it easier and easier to get the alcoholic to respond to treatment." Dr. Blake said. "Certainly our techniques have improved, but also there have been changes in societal attitudes towards alcoholism - employee assistance programs for example - to remove the stigma."
"But most importantly, individuals are finding it easier to make personal decisions about their alcoholism...The alcoholic is part of a trend...people are participating more in health producing activities."Self-imposed health risks, including alcoholism now account for more deaths, hospitalization, and sickness than all viral and bacterial conditions, he said, and the health care delivery system is making individuals more accountable for their well-being.
The medical message is no longer, "You're ill, I'll treat you' but, 'what are you doing to stress yourself'. A measure of how up-to-date your doctor is in his thinking is whether he asks about drinking, smoking, and other aspects of life-style , Dr. Blake said."
TORONTO STAR
DON SAYS: The system if forging ahead in the battle against alcoholism! Let's get the word out, Alcohol kills and maims.
Hamilton
Alcoholics are getting onto the band wagon of personal responsibility for health and it's making them easier to treat.
George Blake, director of psychological services at Oshawa General Hospital, and formerly director of its Pinewood Centre for alcoholism, spoke of changing attitudes at the annual Institute on Addiction Studies here.
"We have seen attitudes change from regarding alcoholism as a moral issue, associated with crime and with being bad, to a disease model, and back to the moral issue in disguise...Responsibility for one's health and one's behaviour implies personal standards.
"Those of us who work in clinics are finding it easier and easier to get the alcoholic to respond to treatment." Dr. Blake said. "Certainly our techniques have improved, but also there have been changes in societal attitudes towards alcoholism - employee assistance programs for example - to remove the stigma."
"But most importantly, individuals are finding it easier to make personal decisions about their alcoholism...The alcoholic is part of a trend...people are participating more in health producing activities."Self-imposed health risks, including alcoholism now account for more deaths, hospitalization, and sickness than all viral and bacterial conditions, he said, and the health care delivery system is making individuals more accountable for their well-being.
The medical message is no longer, "You're ill, I'll treat you' but, 'what are you doing to stress yourself'. A measure of how up-to-date your doctor is in his thinking is whether he asks about drinking, smoking, and other aspects of life-style , Dr. Blake said."
TORONTO STAR
DON SAYS: The system if forging ahead in the battle against alcoholism! Let's get the word out, Alcohol kills and maims.
A MESSAGE FROM DR. LONG
The editor interjects: This article appears to be for the use and edification of the professional staff at the Donwood Institute. However since it was given to this newsletter for publication, your editor deems it quite useful and beneficial for the layman (alcoholics, families of alcoholics, employers of alcoholics etc.). Read it and reach your own conclusions. Don Felstead.
You are involved in the treatment of a very important person (the alcoholic) who suffers from chemical dependency. I should like to present some thoughts concerning this treatment program with emphasis on the concept that alcoholism is an illness. As is true of any illness, the course of this one has phases which characterize it. Of course, given any illness you find that there are variations in the signs and symptoms which any one person who is suffering from it will show. However, to the extent that it is similar, we may suggest remedies which have in the light of experience appeared to help recovery.
First and foremost, we must recognize that chemical dependency involves a continually increasing self destructive process; physically, mentally, socially, and in terms of one's attitudes toward life. In order to treat this condition, abstinence must be complete for one to be able to fully exchange decline for growth and attainment. Generally, when we treat diseased conditions we remove the causer of poisoning by killing off the germs which generate the poison. In the case of chemical dependency we must remove the chemical which is the poison.
Whether we are dealing with illness caused by germs or caused by chemicals, we administer to ourselves, recovery is a project in itself once the cause of the illness has been removed. For those who have become chemically dependent the issues of recovery are perhaps more clear and also more closely related to the chance of relapse than in other illnesses, but only in this manner do they differ. The ravages of any serious illness leave one's body in need of special care, in terms of nutrition, exercise, extra rest. These treatments contribute to physical improvement. The person has suffered socially as well, since he has been out of action and in some illness, social re-entry presents extremely difficult problems. Often social adaption involves getting along without a part of the body or with an appalling disfigurement. In the case of our patients it requires learning how to interact with people without feeling some support from a chemical.
The psychological problems usually related to illness involve lowered feelings of usefulness or of acceptability to others. With chemical dependency, one has the additional negative feelings of remorse, lowered self-esteem, loneliness, defensive thinking and, in about a third of our patients, rather extensive emotional disturbances which preceeded the development of their particular habituation. These conditions require determined action and help not only by the patient but by his family and friends and often by professional psychotherapists. The conditions related to any illness often generate depression and anxiety and even despair.
Finally, consequences of an illness challenge anyone's faith, but especially when the illness has strong moral implications, be it a social disease, the biblical attitudes towards Hansen's disease (leprosy) or habituation to chemicals.
In summary, I present chemical dependence as an illness to you to underline the extreme necessity for those recovering from it to do so with careful attention to all levels of human experience. The patient must provide well for himself physically, emotionally, interpersonally and in terms of a philosophy of life. Those who care must keep in mind that part of our contract in loving others is to support them in accomplishing their goals to the best of our abilities.
DOCTOR LONG
You are involved in the treatment of a very important person (the alcoholic) who suffers from chemical dependency. I should like to present some thoughts concerning this treatment program with emphasis on the concept that alcoholism is an illness. As is true of any illness, the course of this one has phases which characterize it. Of course, given any illness you find that there are variations in the signs and symptoms which any one person who is suffering from it will show. However, to the extent that it is similar, we may suggest remedies which have in the light of experience appeared to help recovery.
First and foremost, we must recognize that chemical dependency involves a continually increasing self destructive process; physically, mentally, socially, and in terms of one's attitudes toward life. In order to treat this condition, abstinence must be complete for one to be able to fully exchange decline for growth and attainment. Generally, when we treat diseased conditions we remove the causer of poisoning by killing off the germs which generate the poison. In the case of chemical dependency we must remove the chemical which is the poison.
Whether we are dealing with illness caused by germs or caused by chemicals, we administer to ourselves, recovery is a project in itself once the cause of the illness has been removed. For those who have become chemically dependent the issues of recovery are perhaps more clear and also more closely related to the chance of relapse than in other illnesses, but only in this manner do they differ. The ravages of any serious illness leave one's body in need of special care, in terms of nutrition, exercise, extra rest. These treatments contribute to physical improvement. The person has suffered socially as well, since he has been out of action and in some illness, social re-entry presents extremely difficult problems. Often social adaption involves getting along without a part of the body or with an appalling disfigurement. In the case of our patients it requires learning how to interact with people without feeling some support from a chemical.
The psychological problems usually related to illness involve lowered feelings of usefulness or of acceptability to others. With chemical dependency, one has the additional negative feelings of remorse, lowered self-esteem, loneliness, defensive thinking and, in about a third of our patients, rather extensive emotional disturbances which preceeded the development of their particular habituation. These conditions require determined action and help not only by the patient but by his family and friends and often by professional psychotherapists. The conditions related to any illness often generate depression and anxiety and even despair.
Finally, consequences of an illness challenge anyone's faith, but especially when the illness has strong moral implications, be it a social disease, the biblical attitudes towards Hansen's disease (leprosy) or habituation to chemicals.
In summary, I present chemical dependence as an illness to you to underline the extreme necessity for those recovering from it to do so with careful attention to all levels of human experience. The patient must provide well for himself physically, emotionally, interpersonally and in terms of a philosophy of life. Those who care must keep in mind that part of our contract in loving others is to support them in accomplishing their goals to the best of our abilities.
DOCTOR LONG
TEENAGERS AND ALCOHOLIC PARENTS
We have frequently been told that when a child has an alcoholic parent he is more apt to be disturbed or immature in his development. To investigate this question we sent two students, working under a grant from the Royal Bank, to go out and interview 54 teenagers who were randomly selected from the same communities whose parents had no problems with alcohol. A control group was thus deliberately chosen because it was felt that teenagers in general may be regarded by some people as disturbed or immature. A second kind of control was introduced as well, in that teenagers with parents who had continued to drink were contrasted with teenagers who parents had stopped drinking.
Interviews with all the teenagers included some testing so that both test scores and opinions could be compared among the groups. When the data was analyzed it was found that teenagers of alcoholic parents were no more disturbed than other teenagers in terms of interpersonal maturity, verbal intelligence, anxiety , depression or social isolation. Nor were they more likely to drink or take drugs. An exception to this was the teenagers took more tranquilizers if their parents continued to drink after treatment. There was also another important difference; Teenagers of alcoholic parents were more estranged from their parents than were the controls. This was more true for teenagers with fathers who were alcoholics than for those with alcoholic mothers.
But there was a gratifying finding. This alienation from parents was generally found to be overcome if the parents had stopped drinking after treatment at the Donwood. Half of the teenagers whose fathers continued to drink, for example, wanted a different father. By comparison, no teenager with a recovered father wanted to replace him. There was also evidence that teenagers compensated for the lack of closeness with an alcoholic father by drawing closer to their peers.
There was one effect which remainded unchanged in response to the father's recovery, however, the teenager's self concept. On this measure the teenager's self-esteem remained impaired, even when the father had stopped drinking. For all the measures of family estrangement and discord, the initial levels were enriched in response to the parent's stopping use of alcohol.
So what were the import findings of this study? That what really was hurt was the relationship between the alcoholic parent and his teenager. Consequently, it seems important in the process of recovering from alcoholism for a parent to re-establish a broken relationship with his children. If this relationship can be improved, it seems unlikely that there will b permanent damage done to the teenagers improvment in such relationships, however, is unlikely to come unless it is worked at, unless children are listened to with care, consideration, and warmth, and unless they are encouraged to express themselves in ways which help them to become independent human beings in their own right.
DR. JOHN MCLACHLAN
DIRECTOR OF RESEARCH.
DON SAYS: Dr. McLachlan was on staff at the Donwood Institute at the time of writing this article. What I read into all this is the wonderful success of Dr. Bell's method of studying and helping those addicted to alcohol and drugs. Dr. Bell was brilliant, and we will greatly miss him.
Interviews with all the teenagers included some testing so that both test scores and opinions could be compared among the groups. When the data was analyzed it was found that teenagers of alcoholic parents were no more disturbed than other teenagers in terms of interpersonal maturity, verbal intelligence, anxiety , depression or social isolation. Nor were they more likely to drink or take drugs. An exception to this was the teenagers took more tranquilizers if their parents continued to drink after treatment. There was also another important difference; Teenagers of alcoholic parents were more estranged from their parents than were the controls. This was more true for teenagers with fathers who were alcoholics than for those with alcoholic mothers.
But there was a gratifying finding. This alienation from parents was generally found to be overcome if the parents had stopped drinking after treatment at the Donwood. Half of the teenagers whose fathers continued to drink, for example, wanted a different father. By comparison, no teenager with a recovered father wanted to replace him. There was also evidence that teenagers compensated for the lack of closeness with an alcoholic father by drawing closer to their peers.
There was one effect which remainded unchanged in response to the father's recovery, however, the teenager's self concept. On this measure the teenager's self-esteem remained impaired, even when the father had stopped drinking. For all the measures of family estrangement and discord, the initial levels were enriched in response to the parent's stopping use of alcohol.
So what were the import findings of this study? That what really was hurt was the relationship between the alcoholic parent and his teenager. Consequently, it seems important in the process of recovering from alcoholism for a parent to re-establish a broken relationship with his children. If this relationship can be improved, it seems unlikely that there will b permanent damage done to the teenagers improvment in such relationships, however, is unlikely to come unless it is worked at, unless children are listened to with care, consideration, and warmth, and unless they are encouraged to express themselves in ways which help them to become independent human beings in their own right.
DR. JOHN MCLACHLAN
DIRECTOR OF RESEARCH.
DON SAYS: Dr. McLachlan was on staff at the Donwood Institute at the time of writing this article. What I read into all this is the wonderful success of Dr. Bell's method of studying and helping those addicted to alcohol and drugs. Dr. Bell was brilliant, and we will greatly miss him.
PROPHYLACTIC COMMUNITY
With the change in emphasis in the last decade to "Community Psychiatry", various hypotheses, ideas and theories have been postulated as to the cause of mental disease. Objectively, with the aid of statistics, one can say that there is an increase in mental disease, and therefore the cooperation of the total Community is required to prevent further propagation of the disease.
To make this brief resume of a wide subject acceptable, I want to clarify the terminological implications of a few words that are used at random in our daily communication with sick people, e.g. patients with an alcohol problem. Words like Hospital, Treatment, Therapy, Prophylaxis and Cure, have important significance to the patient. To expect maximum results it is imperative that one understands what one is doing, and what one's goals are. Simply these five terms mean: Care, Response, Type, Type of response that prevents disease, and total alleviation of the presenting problem.
When Dr. Bell started in this field about twenty five years ago, he cared, and due to limited Community interest, research programs, funds, and specialized staff, it was difficult for him to obtain the proper response with the limited "types" of therapeutic techniques at his disposal. Hence, over the years, he has built up a team of experts in many areas, so that there is and will be many types of responses to combat alcoholism and addiction, i.e. Prophylaxis. Many researchers have postulated various ideas that can be used to cultivate a "Sterile Community" i.e. free of all major mental disease. When the alcoholic or drug addict breaks away from the parent community, the tendency is to form islands or satellites around the main body. These fragmented individuals develop a life style of their own, and become a threat to the parent body. The question at this stage is "What holds people together in the parent body?"
Obviously, many changes are being made in the Community to prevent disease, with the need for survival being paramount. We should then be looking at what the Community has to offer. Can the alcoholic or drug addict in the fragmented Community accept this? What facilities are there in the Community to prevent further development of mental disease? Are these types (therapies) of responses amenable to all? Unfortunately, one can go on asking all sorts of questions which only indicate group interest and concern to initiate a prophylactic community.
I sincerely do hope that you all will appreciate the gravity of our work, and trust that we can count on your cooperation at all times in the fight against this huge problem, i.e. Alcoholism and Drug Addiction.
"To admit is to succeed - to deny is to fail".
NEIL R. MAHARAJ, M.D.
DON SAYS: Dr. Maharaj was on staff at the Donwood Institute while I was in residence in 1969 when this was written. I believe it points out the sheer brilliance of Doctor Bell, and the wonderful legacy he left we alcoholics and drug addicts.
To make this brief resume of a wide subject acceptable, I want to clarify the terminological implications of a few words that are used at random in our daily communication with sick people, e.g. patients with an alcohol problem. Words like Hospital, Treatment, Therapy, Prophylaxis and Cure, have important significance to the patient. To expect maximum results it is imperative that one understands what one is doing, and what one's goals are. Simply these five terms mean: Care, Response, Type, Type of response that prevents disease, and total alleviation of the presenting problem.
When Dr. Bell started in this field about twenty five years ago, he cared, and due to limited Community interest, research programs, funds, and specialized staff, it was difficult for him to obtain the proper response with the limited "types" of therapeutic techniques at his disposal. Hence, over the years, he has built up a team of experts in many areas, so that there is and will be many types of responses to combat alcoholism and addiction, i.e. Prophylaxis. Many researchers have postulated various ideas that can be used to cultivate a "Sterile Community" i.e. free of all major mental disease. When the alcoholic or drug addict breaks away from the parent community, the tendency is to form islands or satellites around the main body. These fragmented individuals develop a life style of their own, and become a threat to the parent body. The question at this stage is "What holds people together in the parent body?"
Obviously, many changes are being made in the Community to prevent disease, with the need for survival being paramount. We should then be looking at what the Community has to offer. Can the alcoholic or drug addict in the fragmented Community accept this? What facilities are there in the Community to prevent further development of mental disease? Are these types (therapies) of responses amenable to all? Unfortunately, one can go on asking all sorts of questions which only indicate group interest and concern to initiate a prophylactic community.
I sincerely do hope that you all will appreciate the gravity of our work, and trust that we can count on your cooperation at all times in the fight against this huge problem, i.e. Alcoholism and Drug Addiction.
"To admit is to succeed - to deny is to fail".
NEIL R. MAHARAJ, M.D.
DON SAYS: Dr. Maharaj was on staff at the Donwood Institute while I was in residence in 1969 when this was written. I believe it points out the sheer brilliance of Doctor Bell, and the wonderful legacy he left we alcoholics and drug addicts.
Monday, February 16, 2009
A MESSAGE FROM DR. MCDOWELL
The following article is the result of my experience on the Donwood Out-patient Department over the past one and a half years. These are clinical observations and personal impressions which have resulted. I have no research evidence to support these views and I must claim the right to change my point of view with further developing experience. I feel, however, that, for me, these observations have proved very useful and I hope they prove useful to you.
There are a number of attitudes I see in former in-patients that immediately make me feel very uncomfortable. I have come to regard these as real indicators of imminent breakdown. They are a state of mind which indicates a return to rationalization of the true practicing addict, and are often overlooked by the patient and his family.
Any information which states that the patient is not really doing anything except his job is a very prominent warning sign of trouble. It shows that the overall health plan, and the true meaning of the word "balance" has been forgotten. This patient cannot help become either bored or depressed, given sufficient time. This mental state is the seed bed for a return to the old habits of addiction. As Winston Churchill once stated - "Change is the master key. A man can wear out a particular part of his mind by continually using it and tiring it, just the same way as he can wear out the elbows of a coat by rubbing the sleeves and shoulders; but the tired parts of the mind can be rested and strengthened, not merely by rest, but by using other parts."
Another attitude which I find particularly revealing is any indication that the patient has begun to do things because of the effect he has on others. Here the individual seems to be drifting from the original "selfishness" that is so necessary to the recovering addict. It has become terribly apparent that the only real motivation which will last must come from within the individual. Otherwise, there is no true lasting happiness, even with success in abstention.
Another feeling I sometimes sense, which I feel is a real danger sign, is the loss of a dynamic feeling of life. By this I mean the individual begins to feel that by setting up a fixed organized method of living, he has solved any present or future problems. Here I feel that two major mistakes have been made. First; he has become so involved in the mechanics of living, or worse yet, he feels that these mechanics are actual living. It is very necessary to have the organized mechanics present, but there will be no real happiness unless he can really work at, and experience, the joys of living, and not just plod painfully through an organized plan of day to day existence. Secondly; this fixed plan of living, without thought or emotion, exposes the patient to any number of problems that a fixed inflexible plan does. There must be some elasticity and ablility to change the present so that one may handle the dynamic problems of life.
A final danger sign I see frequently is the inability to judge what is really important in the life of the individual himself. Here a person is very liable to become caught up in a welter of details which gradually loom so large that the overall picture is obscured, or lost. Here one must keep in mind the long term, overall picture. He must not allow himself to become impatient and short tempered over what are really inconsequential details that will, in good time, clear themselves if given sufficient patience.
These are just a few of the common problems I have seen in Donwood from day to day. I hope that, by bringing them to your attention, that it will help you to avoid some of the traps present on the road to recovery.
DOCTOR MCDOWELL
DON SAYS: Dr. McDowell was on the staff of the Donwood Institute at the time this article was written in March of 1970
There are a number of attitudes I see in former in-patients that immediately make me feel very uncomfortable. I have come to regard these as real indicators of imminent breakdown. They are a state of mind which indicates a return to rationalization of the true practicing addict, and are often overlooked by the patient and his family.
Any information which states that the patient is not really doing anything except his job is a very prominent warning sign of trouble. It shows that the overall health plan, and the true meaning of the word "balance" has been forgotten. This patient cannot help become either bored or depressed, given sufficient time. This mental state is the seed bed for a return to the old habits of addiction. As Winston Churchill once stated - "Change is the master key. A man can wear out a particular part of his mind by continually using it and tiring it, just the same way as he can wear out the elbows of a coat by rubbing the sleeves and shoulders; but the tired parts of the mind can be rested and strengthened, not merely by rest, but by using other parts."
Another attitude which I find particularly revealing is any indication that the patient has begun to do things because of the effect he has on others. Here the individual seems to be drifting from the original "selfishness" that is so necessary to the recovering addict. It has become terribly apparent that the only real motivation which will last must come from within the individual. Otherwise, there is no true lasting happiness, even with success in abstention.
Another feeling I sometimes sense, which I feel is a real danger sign, is the loss of a dynamic feeling of life. By this I mean the individual begins to feel that by setting up a fixed organized method of living, he has solved any present or future problems. Here I feel that two major mistakes have been made. First; he has become so involved in the mechanics of living, or worse yet, he feels that these mechanics are actual living. It is very necessary to have the organized mechanics present, but there will be no real happiness unless he can really work at, and experience, the joys of living, and not just plod painfully through an organized plan of day to day existence. Secondly; this fixed plan of living, without thought or emotion, exposes the patient to any number of problems that a fixed inflexible plan does. There must be some elasticity and ablility to change the present so that one may handle the dynamic problems of life.
A final danger sign I see frequently is the inability to judge what is really important in the life of the individual himself. Here a person is very liable to become caught up in a welter of details which gradually loom so large that the overall picture is obscured, or lost. Here one must keep in mind the long term, overall picture. He must not allow himself to become impatient and short tempered over what are really inconsequential details that will, in good time, clear themselves if given sufficient patience.
These are just a few of the common problems I have seen in Donwood from day to day. I hope that, by bringing them to your attention, that it will help you to avoid some of the traps present on the road to recovery.
DOCTOR MCDOWELL
DON SAYS: Dr. McDowell was on the staff of the Donwood Institute at the time this article was written in March of 1970
THAT EMPTY FEELING
For many centuries, it has been well known that poorly fed animals are poor workers. In spite of this knowledge, man is reluctant to correlate his own inefficiency with diet. Farmers take great care to ensure that the feed their cattle receive contains the exact percentage of protein for maximum growth; but how many of us take the effort to plan our nutritional needs to provide optimal output.
In their search for food, animals are guided by instinct. If humans have this instinct, it is soon altered during infancy by a formulation of eating habits which are determined by many factors. The availability of food, the economics of the family and community, the ethnic and religious traditions, the discipline of the home, and the pleasant and unpleasant experiences associated with food are but a few of the reasons for our food preferences. This conditioning process can make food selection unreliable unless there is a conscious awareness and interest in what we should eat. If we wait until our body tells us we need fuel to keep going, it may be too late. For many of us, this "empty" feeling has been associated with having a drink. If we find ourselves skipping meals, take it as a warning signal and ask ourselves - why am I skipping breakfast?" or "Why am I not taking time for lunch?"
Our custom of eating three meals a day is based more on convenience than physiologic need. There may often be times when meals are as much as six hours apart during the day.
Experience in industry has shown the value to worker productivity of additional rest periods particularly when associated with food. The view is widely held that between-meal snacks increase work performance and lessen fatigue.
Since fatigue often results from an inadequate or irregular protein intake, complete protein should be included in each meal. In fact, a good rule of thumb is to take a complete protein meal every four hours during the working day to help keep the blood sugar level fairly constant and help maintain a feeling of well-being.
A good between-meal snack is milk; the carbohydrate in milk (Galactose) is absorbed into the blood stream rapidly to give quick energy, and the protein in milk has a much slower rate of absorption to provide "staying power".
The need for protein is especially important at breakfast; as nearly fifteen hours may have elapsed since the last meal, and in many cases lunch is another five hours away. "Have a good breakfast"is a popular cliche often ignored today, even though most people realize that the missed breakfast results in decreased efficiency during the late morning hours. Research has shown that subjects do significantly more work when dietary regimen includes an adequate breakfast than when it is omitted. Data also seems to indicate that an adequate breakfast is better economy as far as capacity to do work is concerned than the substitution of a mid-morning break.
A conventional breakfast of fruit, cereal, bacon and eggs is good; but for some of us there are other ways to make breakfasts more enjoyable and tolerable.
As I am mostly concerned with the protein content of your breakfast, I will discuss only this aspect. Milk can be taken by itself, on cereal, in an eggnog, instant breakfast or milkshake. Eggs can be poached, scrambled, boiled , fried, hard-cooked, whipped in an omelet, blended into an eggnog, or used as a dip for French toast. Any meat you desire is acceptable as a breakfast food; bacon, pork sausages, ham, steak, kidneys, chops, beef sandwiches, or sliced chicken sandwiches. Sliced processed cheese can be placed on bread and broiled until golden brown; cheddar cheese is great with biscuits; cottage cheese and fruit are a fast, nutritious combination.
Be daring some morning and try an English breakfast of kippers herring!
You may ask; "but when I am not hungry why should I bother eating?" This is the time to ask yourself; "why am I not hungry?" Take it as a warning of some other feeling and eat something!
ELIZABETH SNELL
DON SAYS; Elizabeth was on staff at the Donwood Institute in October of 1970 when this was written. She was in charge of the food end of things, but I don't recall her title. Her message of proper eating for the alcoholic is very relevant to me. I can recall that when I was drinking, I often missed meals, and made up for it by gorging. This is not healthy, and we as alcoholics must watch our eating habits closely. This was a good and realistic article.
In their search for food, animals are guided by instinct. If humans have this instinct, it is soon altered during infancy by a formulation of eating habits which are determined by many factors. The availability of food, the economics of the family and community, the ethnic and religious traditions, the discipline of the home, and the pleasant and unpleasant experiences associated with food are but a few of the reasons for our food preferences. This conditioning process can make food selection unreliable unless there is a conscious awareness and interest in what we should eat. If we wait until our body tells us we need fuel to keep going, it may be too late. For many of us, this "empty" feeling has been associated with having a drink. If we find ourselves skipping meals, take it as a warning signal and ask ourselves - why am I skipping breakfast?" or "Why am I not taking time for lunch?"
Our custom of eating three meals a day is based more on convenience than physiologic need. There may often be times when meals are as much as six hours apart during the day.
Experience in industry has shown the value to worker productivity of additional rest periods particularly when associated with food. The view is widely held that between-meal snacks increase work performance and lessen fatigue.
Since fatigue often results from an inadequate or irregular protein intake, complete protein should be included in each meal. In fact, a good rule of thumb is to take a complete protein meal every four hours during the working day to help keep the blood sugar level fairly constant and help maintain a feeling of well-being.
A good between-meal snack is milk; the carbohydrate in milk (Galactose) is absorbed into the blood stream rapidly to give quick energy, and the protein in milk has a much slower rate of absorption to provide "staying power".
The need for protein is especially important at breakfast; as nearly fifteen hours may have elapsed since the last meal, and in many cases lunch is another five hours away. "Have a good breakfast"is a popular cliche often ignored today, even though most people realize that the missed breakfast results in decreased efficiency during the late morning hours. Research has shown that subjects do significantly more work when dietary regimen includes an adequate breakfast than when it is omitted. Data also seems to indicate that an adequate breakfast is better economy as far as capacity to do work is concerned than the substitution of a mid-morning break.
A conventional breakfast of fruit, cereal, bacon and eggs is good; but for some of us there are other ways to make breakfasts more enjoyable and tolerable.
As I am mostly concerned with the protein content of your breakfast, I will discuss only this aspect. Milk can be taken by itself, on cereal, in an eggnog, instant breakfast or milkshake. Eggs can be poached, scrambled, boiled , fried, hard-cooked, whipped in an omelet, blended into an eggnog, or used as a dip for French toast. Any meat you desire is acceptable as a breakfast food; bacon, pork sausages, ham, steak, kidneys, chops, beef sandwiches, or sliced chicken sandwiches. Sliced processed cheese can be placed on bread and broiled until golden brown; cheddar cheese is great with biscuits; cottage cheese and fruit are a fast, nutritious combination.
Be daring some morning and try an English breakfast of kippers herring!
You may ask; "but when I am not hungry why should I bother eating?" This is the time to ask yourself; "why am I not hungry?" Take it as a warning of some other feeling and eat something!
ELIZABETH SNELL
DON SAYS; Elizabeth was on staff at the Donwood Institute in October of 1970 when this was written. She was in charge of the food end of things, but I don't recall her title. Her message of proper eating for the alcoholic is very relevant to me. I can recall that when I was drinking, I often missed meals, and made up for it by gorging. This is not healthy, and we as alcoholics must watch our eating habits closely. This was a good and realistic article.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
WHAT ABOUT AA?
This question was very frequently put to patients in the Donwood Institute, and is often asked by the same patients themselves. What is AA?
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem, and help others recover from alcoholism.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership. They are self-supporting
AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or insttitution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses or opposes any causes.
Their primary purpose is to stay sober, and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.
My first and important conclusion is that AA works. I can't say for sure that it works for everyone, but there are about one million people, many of whom were hopeless alcoholics caught up in the nightmare of uncontrolled drinking who are leading sober, useful lives in the fellowship of AA.
My second observation is that anybody can stop drinking, but it may only last an hour, or a day or so. The problem is to stay stopped, and to learn to live comfortably-and to this end we need help.
The program of AA is available across the continent, and over one hundred meetings are availablem weekly in Toronto. AA serves as a successful continuing therapy, teaching us a philosophy of life-how to cope with ourselves, and the people and forces around us on a daily basis, one day at a time.
In AA there are knowledgeable people, many with long-term sobriety who can help us with the recovery process, and perhaps one may fill our need for a"sponsor", a special person to whom we can relate, have respect for, trust in, and be close to-especially in the early days, weeks and months. Hopefully in time we, having received this kind of help are prepared to do the same for a new person coming along.
Some pre-judge AA - that it is composed of the worst kind of skid-row drunks - that they are hung up on God and religion, and that they are a bunch of "Bible-thumping" crusaders, etc. etc. There may be a very small percentage of people like this but the large majority represent a cross-section of all society.
I have met doctors, lawyers, cab drivers, laborers, agnostics and atheists, politicians, merchants, salesmen, writers, actors, athletes - fat, thin, black, white, yellow, old and young, bad and good (the good far outnumber the bad) - all kinds are there. Take your choice! Try a few groups until you find one you like - then get busy.
Remember, the "only" requirement for AA emembership is a desire to stop drinking. What have you got to lose? only your life!
ANONYMOUS
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem, and help others recover from alcoholism.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership. They are self-supporting
AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or insttitution; does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses or opposes any causes.
Their primary purpose is to stay sober, and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.
My first and important conclusion is that AA works. I can't say for sure that it works for everyone, but there are about one million people, many of whom were hopeless alcoholics caught up in the nightmare of uncontrolled drinking who are leading sober, useful lives in the fellowship of AA.
My second observation is that anybody can stop drinking, but it may only last an hour, or a day or so. The problem is to stay stopped, and to learn to live comfortably-and to this end we need help.
The program of AA is available across the continent, and over one hundred meetings are availablem weekly in Toronto. AA serves as a successful continuing therapy, teaching us a philosophy of life-how to cope with ourselves, and the people and forces around us on a daily basis, one day at a time.
In AA there are knowledgeable people, many with long-term sobriety who can help us with the recovery process, and perhaps one may fill our need for a"sponsor", a special person to whom we can relate, have respect for, trust in, and be close to-especially in the early days, weeks and months. Hopefully in time we, having received this kind of help are prepared to do the same for a new person coming along.
Some pre-judge AA - that it is composed of the worst kind of skid-row drunks - that they are hung up on God and religion, and that they are a bunch of "Bible-thumping" crusaders, etc. etc. There may be a very small percentage of people like this but the large majority represent a cross-section of all society.
I have met doctors, lawyers, cab drivers, laborers, agnostics and atheists, politicians, merchants, salesmen, writers, actors, athletes - fat, thin, black, white, yellow, old and young, bad and good (the good far outnumber the bad) - all kinds are there. Take your choice! Try a few groups until you find one you like - then get busy.
Remember, the "only" requirement for AA emembership is a desire to stop drinking. What have you got to lose? only your life!
ANONYMOUS
DISCIPLINE IN RECOVERY PART 2
Let's go back and take another look at Part 1. Let's see how much effort was made to initiate some degree of self-discipline, and try to recognize the effort for its real worth.
It seems to me that this is most important. To acknowledge self-effort, however slight, and to be aware of the positive reaction to that effort. This is the foundation upon which we rebuild self-confidence and a sense of self-worth. So let's take a realistic inventory.
After five, ten, or twenty years of encasement in the emotionally blunting isolation of chemical dependency it does take self-effort, some sense of self-discipline to enter treatment, to overcome our fears, to admit our past failures, to be able to say "what have I got to lose?"; to move from the rigidity of defence, to hear another point of view, to seek knowledge with openness ; to risk reaching out to others as equals, to learn from the knowledge and experience of others.
Not bad! But we must not stop. What comes next?
SELF DISCIPLINE
It is here, I think, that our self-discipline is tested most severely. It is hear that we must make a decision - a decision based on a mere four weeks of experience at the Donwood - a decision that will decide the course of our lives.
The facts have been presented. The damages have been assessed. The hazards have been outlined. The past has been fully explored and yet only a small sampling of the possibilities of the future has been experienced.
On evaluation of this apparently one-sided experience, a decision to reverse a way of life of ten or twenty years must be made - a decision to structure a life free of chemical dependency. It takes guts; it takes will power. It is a discipline of faith, because we do not know what lies ahead!
Ahead we find new dimensions of discipline will come to be known to us. Its character will gradually change and we will become more comfortable with it.
In the beginning it is almost harsh. It forces us to accept responsibility for our own sobriety. It dictates pursuit of new or long-neglected habits of health. It commits us to participation in a two year recovery program. It is demanding.
It is objective. It will not put up with pointless argument where there is but one answer. It pushes aside the destructive rationalization of defensive thinking. It rejects procrastination. It is truthfulness.
It is thoughtful. It gently leads us to an increasingly balanced awareness of our most intimate selves. It nudges us towards self-improvement. It helps to feel for others-balancing our too ready tendency to feel only for ourselves. It is understanding.
It is inquisitive. It leads us to explore new and healthful ways to deal with old problems. It searches out a more meaningful relationship with others. It pushes us to look again at old interests and more important, to explore new ones It requires the nourishment of stimulation and involvement. It is ever-active.
In its sum, it is responsible. It urges us to full participation in life-with courage, meeting problems; with thankfulness, experiencing rewards. It is guided by values. It knows both love and respect. It balances concern of self and others. It is alive and eager. Its reward is happiness.
"Responsible behaviour" is the root, not the result, of happiness".
MIKE WILSON
DON SAYS: Mike was on staff at the Donwood Institute at the time this article was written in April,1974. It is clear, well written, and tells us that we have to marshall our strongest mental forces to overcome the incidious effects of alcohol upon we who are alcoholics.
It seems to me that this is most important. To acknowledge self-effort, however slight, and to be aware of the positive reaction to that effort. This is the foundation upon which we rebuild self-confidence and a sense of self-worth. So let's take a realistic inventory.
After five, ten, or twenty years of encasement in the emotionally blunting isolation of chemical dependency it does take self-effort, some sense of self-discipline to enter treatment, to overcome our fears, to admit our past failures, to be able to say "what have I got to lose?"; to move from the rigidity of defence, to hear another point of view, to seek knowledge with openness ; to risk reaching out to others as equals, to learn from the knowledge and experience of others.
Not bad! But we must not stop. What comes next?
SELF DISCIPLINE
It is here, I think, that our self-discipline is tested most severely. It is hear that we must make a decision - a decision based on a mere four weeks of experience at the Donwood - a decision that will decide the course of our lives.
The facts have been presented. The damages have been assessed. The hazards have been outlined. The past has been fully explored and yet only a small sampling of the possibilities of the future has been experienced.
On evaluation of this apparently one-sided experience, a decision to reverse a way of life of ten or twenty years must be made - a decision to structure a life free of chemical dependency. It takes guts; it takes will power. It is a discipline of faith, because we do not know what lies ahead!
Ahead we find new dimensions of discipline will come to be known to us. Its character will gradually change and we will become more comfortable with it.
In the beginning it is almost harsh. It forces us to accept responsibility for our own sobriety. It dictates pursuit of new or long-neglected habits of health. It commits us to participation in a two year recovery program. It is demanding.
It is objective. It will not put up with pointless argument where there is but one answer. It pushes aside the destructive rationalization of defensive thinking. It rejects procrastination. It is truthfulness.
It is thoughtful. It gently leads us to an increasingly balanced awareness of our most intimate selves. It nudges us towards self-improvement. It helps to feel for others-balancing our too ready tendency to feel only for ourselves. It is understanding.
It is inquisitive. It leads us to explore new and healthful ways to deal with old problems. It searches out a more meaningful relationship with others. It pushes us to look again at old interests and more important, to explore new ones It requires the nourishment of stimulation and involvement. It is ever-active.
In its sum, it is responsible. It urges us to full participation in life-with courage, meeting problems; with thankfulness, experiencing rewards. It is guided by values. It knows both love and respect. It balances concern of self and others. It is alive and eager. Its reward is happiness.
"Responsible behaviour" is the root, not the result, of happiness".
MIKE WILSON
DON SAYS: Mike was on staff at the Donwood Institute at the time this article was written in April,1974. It is clear, well written, and tells us that we have to marshall our strongest mental forces to overcome the incidious effects of alcohol upon we who are alcoholics.
DISCIPLINE IN RECOVERY
Norman Barr, psychiatrist and reality therapist, says in a recent article "Responsible behaviour is the root, not the result of, happiness. Responsible behaviour means fulfilling one's needs for love and worth, without hurting others in the process.'
Two things about this quotation strike me most forcefully. First, it is a two sentence representation of a formula for recovery from chemical dependence.
Second, by the very nature of its suggested direction, it requires of the recovering patient an uncommonly, even frighteningly, high degree of self discipline. At time of treatment it seems almost impossible!
What then? How does this thing get started? How, when I have tried so many times in the past to exercise self-discipline, made promises to myself and to others and failed so miserably, can I be expected to produce such discipline now? The answer is I can't - except gradually. I must learn.
The first step in the new direction may be nothing more than a slight shift in attitude. A departure from my old rigid position that might allow me to say "These people seem to be saying that there is another way, that I can find it, and that they can help me find it. Maybe I should listen - What have I got to lose?"
Not much of a move but it is a beginning. I have more to learn, and to learn I must listen. I must try.
I must try, first, to let go of my preconceived ideas; to make a conscious effort to loosen my defences; to accept, even if grudgingly , that other points of view do have validity.
I must try to cooperate and to follow the suggestions of the staff; to get as much as possible from the tapes and films, and discussions; to question with sincerity, not for the sake of argument.
Perhaps most difficult of all, I must try to be a participant in group therapy. Not to just sit there saying to myself "I'm not like the rest of these people - none of this applies to me." To try to see that, in fact, I am much like they are, but that I find it hard to trust - to say what I really do feel. To keep on trying.
Planning - I must make the effort to set down for myself some guidelines to help me in this rather frightening transition period. Maybe to accept, at least on a trial basis, some of the suggested ways and means of making this thing work. I am an expert in the "before" aspect of this treatment business but maybe I'll need help in the "after" side of things. There certainly are a lot of people available to me - can I risk asking for their help. Can I accept their help? I can try!
I am about to be discharged. How do I feel? Frightened, certainly, but somehow I feel good about it too! What has happened? Why do I feel different somehow?
Sure I've been helped - everybody in the hospital has at least tried to help in some way. For that I am grateful. Have I tried to help? Not much maybe, but somehow I am aware of an effort on my part - I want tthis thing to work.
Not much? It's a start.
MIKE WILSON
DON SAYS: Mike wrote this while on staff at the Donwood Institute in March of 1974. His views and ideas are quite interesting. See "Discipline in Recovery Part 2".
Two things about this quotation strike me most forcefully. First, it is a two sentence representation of a formula for recovery from chemical dependence.
Second, by the very nature of its suggested direction, it requires of the recovering patient an uncommonly, even frighteningly, high degree of self discipline. At time of treatment it seems almost impossible!
What then? How does this thing get started? How, when I have tried so many times in the past to exercise self-discipline, made promises to myself and to others and failed so miserably, can I be expected to produce such discipline now? The answer is I can't - except gradually. I must learn.
The first step in the new direction may be nothing more than a slight shift in attitude. A departure from my old rigid position that might allow me to say "These people seem to be saying that there is another way, that I can find it, and that they can help me find it. Maybe I should listen - What have I got to lose?"
Not much of a move but it is a beginning. I have more to learn, and to learn I must listen. I must try.
I must try, first, to let go of my preconceived ideas; to make a conscious effort to loosen my defences; to accept, even if grudgingly , that other points of view do have validity.
I must try to cooperate and to follow the suggestions of the staff; to get as much as possible from the tapes and films, and discussions; to question with sincerity, not for the sake of argument.
Perhaps most difficult of all, I must try to be a participant in group therapy. Not to just sit there saying to myself "I'm not like the rest of these people - none of this applies to me." To try to see that, in fact, I am much like they are, but that I find it hard to trust - to say what I really do feel. To keep on trying.
Planning - I must make the effort to set down for myself some guidelines to help me in this rather frightening transition period. Maybe to accept, at least on a trial basis, some of the suggested ways and means of making this thing work. I am an expert in the "before" aspect of this treatment business but maybe I'll need help in the "after" side of things. There certainly are a lot of people available to me - can I risk asking for their help. Can I accept their help? I can try!
I am about to be discharged. How do I feel? Frightened, certainly, but somehow I feel good about it too! What has happened? Why do I feel different somehow?
Sure I've been helped - everybody in the hospital has at least tried to help in some way. For that I am grateful. Have I tried to help? Not much maybe, but somehow I am aware of an effort on my part - I want tthis thing to work.
Not much? It's a start.
MIKE WILSON
DON SAYS: Mike wrote this while on staff at the Donwood Institute in March of 1974. His views and ideas are quite interesting. See "Discipline in Recovery Part 2".
ONE MANS A.A.
STEP ONE - "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable."
"WHO cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness. It is truly awful to admit, that glass in hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from us."
Understanding and accepting Step One is that act of "Providence", Step One is the key that opens the doors of the A.A. way of life. How should the alcoholic approach this all important step? How can the alcoholic make the spirit of Step One a part of his total being? This is not an easy task.
Perhaps the way to understanding and accepting Step One lies in the other aspects of the A.A. program. Let us examine.
Of all the A.A. slogans, "Keep an Open Mind" is without a peer. This slogan has universal meaning and application and a special meaning for the alcoholic.
If the alcoholic cannot keep an open mind, he cannot accept and admit defeat and until he surrenders totally, Step One will remain a word and a number.
Keep an open mind will lead the alcoholic to know that he cannot achieve sobriety alone. He must have the help of at least one other person. It soon becomes obvious that a person does not become an alcoholic alone and cannot attain lasting sobriety alone.
With an open mind the alcoholic can look for an understanding of Step Two:
"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
When the alcoholic grasps (as he must) that help must come from without, then it all begins to happen. The quiet knowledge that there is another way to live, with hope, will spur the alcoholic to do more. The alcoholic will consider and study each and every of the parts of the A.A. program of recovery and grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
This new found life of growth can only make the alcoholic accept Step One in its every meaning.
"The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole society has sprung and flowered."
"Then, and only then, do we become as open-minded to conviction and as willing to listen. We stand ready to do anything which will lift the merciless obsession from us."
In living the A.A. program, there can be no reservations. Reservations will no longer exist when we know, understand and totally accept the spirit of Step One.
And, always, "Keep and Open Mind."
ANONYMOUS
DON SAYS: I included this article as an example of one man's opinion of Steps 1 and 2. It is up to the gentle reader to form his own opinion.
"WHO cares to admit complete defeat? Practically no one, of course. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness. It is truly awful to admit, that glass in hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from us."
Understanding and accepting Step One is that act of "Providence", Step One is the key that opens the doors of the A.A. way of life. How should the alcoholic approach this all important step? How can the alcoholic make the spirit of Step One a part of his total being? This is not an easy task.
Perhaps the way to understanding and accepting Step One lies in the other aspects of the A.A. program. Let us examine.
Of all the A.A. slogans, "Keep an Open Mind" is without a peer. This slogan has universal meaning and application and a special meaning for the alcoholic.
If the alcoholic cannot keep an open mind, he cannot accept and admit defeat and until he surrenders totally, Step One will remain a word and a number.
Keep an open mind will lead the alcoholic to know that he cannot achieve sobriety alone. He must have the help of at least one other person. It soon becomes obvious that a person does not become an alcoholic alone and cannot attain lasting sobriety alone.
With an open mind the alcoholic can look for an understanding of Step Two:
"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
When the alcoholic grasps (as he must) that help must come from without, then it all begins to happen. The quiet knowledge that there is another way to live, with hope, will spur the alcoholic to do more. The alcoholic will consider and study each and every of the parts of the A.A. program of recovery and grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
This new found life of growth can only make the alcoholic accept Step One in its every meaning.
"The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole society has sprung and flowered."
"Then, and only then, do we become as open-minded to conviction and as willing to listen. We stand ready to do anything which will lift the merciless obsession from us."
In living the A.A. program, there can be no reservations. Reservations will no longer exist when we know, understand and totally accept the spirit of Step One.
And, always, "Keep and Open Mind."
ANONYMOUS
DON SAYS: I included this article as an example of one man's opinion of Steps 1 and 2. It is up to the gentle reader to form his own opinion.
Friday, February 13, 2009
ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE
All The World's a Stage:
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
At first the infant, mewling, and puking in the nurse's arms.
Then the whining school-boy with his satchel and shining morning face, creeping like snail unwillingly to school.
And then the lover, sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad made to his mistress' eyebrow.
Then a soldier, full of strange oaths, and bearded like the bard, jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel, seeking the bubble reputation even in the cannon's mouth.
And then the justice, in fair round belly with good capon lined, with eyes severe and beard of formal cut, full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part.
The sixth age shifts into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon, with spectacles on nose and pouch on side, his youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide for his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice turning again toward childish treble pipes, and whistles in his sound.
Last scene of all that ends this strange eventful history, is second childishness and mere oblivion.
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
DON SAYS: This cheerful little ditty shows it all. We are only minor members on this theatre of life, and we must make the best of it we can. This means doing good, respecting your fellow man.
Helping the poor and indigent, all the while looking into the mirror in the morning to see what kind of man, or woman, you are. I hope you see something good!
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
At first the infant, mewling, and puking in the nurse's arms.
Then the whining school-boy with his satchel and shining morning face, creeping like snail unwillingly to school.
And then the lover, sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad made to his mistress' eyebrow.
Then a soldier, full of strange oaths, and bearded like the bard, jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel, seeking the bubble reputation even in the cannon's mouth.
And then the justice, in fair round belly with good capon lined, with eyes severe and beard of formal cut, full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part.
The sixth age shifts into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon, with spectacles on nose and pouch on side, his youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide for his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice turning again toward childish treble pipes, and whistles in his sound.
Last scene of all that ends this strange eventful history, is second childishness and mere oblivion.
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
DON SAYS: This cheerful little ditty shows it all. We are only minor members on this theatre of life, and we must make the best of it we can. This means doing good, respecting your fellow man.
Helping the poor and indigent, all the while looking into the mirror in the morning to see what kind of man, or woman, you are. I hope you see something good!
A LETTER FROM A SPOUSE
I quote from a letter from a thankful wife:
Just a few lines to tell how it is like to have my man back again - great! I spent 21 years of Hell with my husband's drinking, why I don't know - maybe I didn't have the guts to leave, or I didn't want uproot my three children. Maybe I just hoped and prayed there were better days ahead, Whatever the reason, I put up with it, and I am glad I did, because it is a whole life for me and my children, and I have my Bill back again. It is like meeting and courting each other all over again. We have both been reborn. We do things together, we talk and laugh together. Just being together and loving each other is great, and I am proud of Bill and what he has done.
Thank you Donwood and staff for what you have done for Bill and I.
It has been three and a half beautiful and happy years.
ANONYMOUS
DON SAYS: I am purposely leaving this lady's name off, with respect for her privacy, but she does exist, and I find this a quite compelling and beautiful letter.
Just a few lines to tell how it is like to have my man back again - great! I spent 21 years of Hell with my husband's drinking, why I don't know - maybe I didn't have the guts to leave, or I didn't want uproot my three children. Maybe I just hoped and prayed there were better days ahead, Whatever the reason, I put up with it, and I am glad I did, because it is a whole life for me and my children, and I have my Bill back again. It is like meeting and courting each other all over again. We have both been reborn. We do things together, we talk and laugh together. Just being together and loving each other is great, and I am proud of Bill and what he has done.
Thank you Donwood and staff for what you have done for Bill and I.
It has been three and a half beautiful and happy years.
ANONYMOUS
DON SAYS: I am purposely leaving this lady's name off, with respect for her privacy, but she does exist, and I find this a quite compelling and beautiful letter.
ANTABUSE
In one of my recent editorials it was mentioned that I still suffered, even after seven years of sobriety, periodic periods of craving for alcohol, although they are sometimes spaced months apart now. In reply to this editorial I have heard from a few people who quite strongly declare that they have had no feelings of desire for alcohol whatsoever.
This is quite commendable, and I don't expect everyone to have the same symptoms and problems as I, however it is expected that most will have these kinds of feeling, albeit to varying degrees in each individual.
It is there! An honest, above board, gut feeling desire for alcohol, and its effects. Though it may not dominate my life, nontheless it comes and goes, more commonly at first, and then diminishing as time goes on. I must therefore, be constantly be on the lookout for one of these desires emerging. How else can I cope with this tremendous desire to drink unless I am completely honest with myself? It is a healthy emotion to admit that the problem exists, and that these feelings may return for the rest of my life. How can I deal with it if it is not recognizable?
Some have said that they have found the answer, and solace with Alcoholics Anonymous, and/or Christ. My reply is that is wonderful.
Each one for his own way of doing things. However, I do say, for me, and perhaps others that it is good idea to use antabuse as a safety valve.
Quoted following is an article on antabuse by Mary Epp, Reg. N, formerly with the Donwood, who says it quite clearly:
"Are you thinking of stopping Antabuse or Temposil? After all, (you may think), I've been taking it for three months now and I haven't even wanted a drink, but, wait a minute....Isn't it possible that the reason you didn't want a drink was because you knew you couldn't have one? You may have been conditioning yourself subconsciously. Perhaps the real reason you want to stop taking Antabuse or Temposil is because subconsciously you want to return to drinking.
Over and over again, people who have relapsed have told us they didn't really know why they stopped the chemical protection, but they freely admit they started drinking two weeks later.
Of course, nothing is going to stop you from drinking if you don't want to stop.
Before discontinuing your protection, discuss it with a staff member at Donwood. In this way, maybe you can catch your subconscious habits working against y0our desire for a new way of living".
DON FELSTEAD
This is quite commendable, and I don't expect everyone to have the same symptoms and problems as I, however it is expected that most will have these kinds of feeling, albeit to varying degrees in each individual.
It is there! An honest, above board, gut feeling desire for alcohol, and its effects. Though it may not dominate my life, nontheless it comes and goes, more commonly at first, and then diminishing as time goes on. I must therefore, be constantly be on the lookout for one of these desires emerging. How else can I cope with this tremendous desire to drink unless I am completely honest with myself? It is a healthy emotion to admit that the problem exists, and that these feelings may return for the rest of my life. How can I deal with it if it is not recognizable?
Some have said that they have found the answer, and solace with Alcoholics Anonymous, and/or Christ. My reply is that is wonderful.
Each one for his own way of doing things. However, I do say, for me, and perhaps others that it is good idea to use antabuse as a safety valve.
Quoted following is an article on antabuse by Mary Epp, Reg. N, formerly with the Donwood, who says it quite clearly:
"Are you thinking of stopping Antabuse or Temposil? After all, (you may think), I've been taking it for three months now and I haven't even wanted a drink, but, wait a minute....Isn't it possible that the reason you didn't want a drink was because you knew you couldn't have one? You may have been conditioning yourself subconsciously. Perhaps the real reason you want to stop taking Antabuse or Temposil is because subconsciously you want to return to drinking.
Over and over again, people who have relapsed have told us they didn't really know why they stopped the chemical protection, but they freely admit they started drinking two weeks later.
Of course, nothing is going to stop you from drinking if you don't want to stop.
Before discontinuing your protection, discuss it with a staff member at Donwood. In this way, maybe you can catch your subconscious habits working against y0our desire for a new way of living".
DON FELSTEAD
GOOD NEWS - IT'S BEAUTIFUL
I am writing this on the fifth of January, the first day back at work following the Christmas and New year holidays.
During the past three weeks there has been the usual increase in telephone calls and letters that have come, in my mind, to be associated with this time of year.
Some of them are sad - bordering on heartbreaking. They tell of relapses, planned as experiments, and unplanned. Both kinds end up in various degrees of disaster, some to be quickly remedied and some to have ongoing unpleasant and unhealthy extensions. We do what we can to help a person to minimize the impact of the consequenses.
It is heartening to be able to say that there is an equal number of calls and letters that tell a much happier story. I had literally dozens of telephone calls from people who wanted to let us know at Donwood that this was the first, second or fifth Christmas that they had enjoyed in a sober state and how much this has meant or continues to mean to them. We could share that sense of happiness with them. It brought a good feeling. Good news is beautiful.
But can we say that one group is a success and the other failure? I don't think it is quite that simple. There is something too temptingly tidy about that conclusion.
How many of us can truthfully make the claim that we overcame our problem or problems on the first attempt? Can we at any stage of recovery - one year or ten - claim a cure.
Dr. Bell has described the Donwood Community as a Caring Community. I sincerely believe it to be just that. A community that cares for all its members. A community that continues in an understanding and constructive manner to help other achieve the states of well-being that those of us who are more fortunate already enjoy.
Let's spread the good news:
MIKE WILSON
Mike was on staff at the Donwood Institute when this article was written in February, 1976
During the past three weeks there has been the usual increase in telephone calls and letters that have come, in my mind, to be associated with this time of year.
Some of them are sad - bordering on heartbreaking. They tell of relapses, planned as experiments, and unplanned. Both kinds end up in various degrees of disaster, some to be quickly remedied and some to have ongoing unpleasant and unhealthy extensions. We do what we can to help a person to minimize the impact of the consequenses.
It is heartening to be able to say that there is an equal number of calls and letters that tell a much happier story. I had literally dozens of telephone calls from people who wanted to let us know at Donwood that this was the first, second or fifth Christmas that they had enjoyed in a sober state and how much this has meant or continues to mean to them. We could share that sense of happiness with them. It brought a good feeling. Good news is beautiful.
But can we say that one group is a success and the other failure? I don't think it is quite that simple. There is something too temptingly tidy about that conclusion.
How many of us can truthfully make the claim that we overcame our problem or problems on the first attempt? Can we at any stage of recovery - one year or ten - claim a cure.
Dr. Bell has described the Donwood Community as a Caring Community. I sincerely believe it to be just that. A community that cares for all its members. A community that continues in an understanding and constructive manner to help other achieve the states of well-being that those of us who are more fortunate already enjoy.
Let's spread the good news:
MIKE WILSON
Mike was on staff at the Donwood Institute when this article was written in February, 1976
GOOD NEWS - BAD NEWS
Not an original story line by any means. Our friend Bill Little uses it in a positive sense even though it is the twist-line in a series of jokes that are frequently a bit on the sick side. It makes a point, either way.
Good news? There is a constant and heartening flow of it coming to my attention every day of every week that I spend at Donwood. It takes all forms.
Like the call I got not long ago from a man who started off the conversation by saying :"I just wanted to thank you for a favour you did me one year ago today." I had no idea what he was talking about. He went on to say "one year ago I called you asking if you could recommend an ex-patient to fill a job I had at the plant - you sent me this fellow and he is the best employee I have."
Then there are the more typical kinds of calls from someone, perhaps forgoten, who gets in touch to say that he has not maintained contact in the last couple of years but got to thinking how good life can be and he thought he would like to let Donwood know because that's where it all started.
Along this same line I got a call in the recent past from a man who had been faced with a particularly tense situation that had lasted over several days. Depsite the worry and frustration that he had to contend with, there had been no thought of the return to alcohol. When the crisis had passed me mentioned to his wife that if it had not been for the help he had from Donwood he would not have been able to get through it without a "crash". She suggested that if he felt that way he should let us know. He called and did just that.
Last Thursday evening I was at a meeting of the Ottawa group. There was just over thirty people there. Three people made a point of speaking to me to say how much they were enjoying life.
Year end questionnaires keep coming across my desk. There is a space at the bottom where we ask for comments from the patient's spouse. How gratifying it is to read one that says "since John (or Elsie or Sam or Sadie) has stopped drinking our life as a family has improved so much. He has regained his self-esteem and we are all proud of his effort."
There are simple, unstated but so obvious successes that I encounter at evening meetings at Donwood. It is enough just to see the alive and vital look on a person's face and the happiness that is reflected in the face of husband or wife.
None of these "good news" situations just happened. It is not very often that they came about through some outside influence or "break". They were made to happen because the individual concerned had made the effert to make changes in herself or himself and as the saying goes "The harder they worked, the luckier they got."
Bad News? It's easy to find - just read the front page of uyour daily newspaper!
MIKE WILSON
DON SAYS: Mike was on staff at the Donwood Institute at the time this article was written - November, 1975. Again a well written article. Good work!
Good news? There is a constant and heartening flow of it coming to my attention every day of every week that I spend at Donwood. It takes all forms.
Like the call I got not long ago from a man who started off the conversation by saying :"I just wanted to thank you for a favour you did me one year ago today." I had no idea what he was talking about. He went on to say "one year ago I called you asking if you could recommend an ex-patient to fill a job I had at the plant - you sent me this fellow and he is the best employee I have."
Then there are the more typical kinds of calls from someone, perhaps forgoten, who gets in touch to say that he has not maintained contact in the last couple of years but got to thinking how good life can be and he thought he would like to let Donwood know because that's where it all started.
Along this same line I got a call in the recent past from a man who had been faced with a particularly tense situation that had lasted over several days. Depsite the worry and frustration that he had to contend with, there had been no thought of the return to alcohol. When the crisis had passed me mentioned to his wife that if it had not been for the help he had from Donwood he would not have been able to get through it without a "crash". She suggested that if he felt that way he should let us know. He called and did just that.
Last Thursday evening I was at a meeting of the Ottawa group. There was just over thirty people there. Three people made a point of speaking to me to say how much they were enjoying life.
Year end questionnaires keep coming across my desk. There is a space at the bottom where we ask for comments from the patient's spouse. How gratifying it is to read one that says "since John (or Elsie or Sam or Sadie) has stopped drinking our life as a family has improved so much. He has regained his self-esteem and we are all proud of his effort."
There are simple, unstated but so obvious successes that I encounter at evening meetings at Donwood. It is enough just to see the alive and vital look on a person's face and the happiness that is reflected in the face of husband or wife.
None of these "good news" situations just happened. It is not very often that they came about through some outside influence or "break". They were made to happen because the individual concerned had made the effert to make changes in herself or himself and as the saying goes "The harder they worked, the luckier they got."
Bad News? It's easy to find - just read the front page of uyour daily newspaper!
MIKE WILSON
DON SAYS: Mike was on staff at the Donwood Institute at the time this article was written - November, 1975. Again a well written article. Good work!
THANKFUL - FOR WHAT?
Traditionally October is the month of Thanksgiving. A special day is set aside and officially designated as Thanksgiving Day. On the Sunday closest, churches have special services given to community expression of this same thought.
It seems to me that often we are unable to identify those things for which we should be thankful - we seem to be careless with our inventory of blessings.
There is, I think a strong parallel in our attitude towards recovery. Initially there may be a strong sense of relief, even thankfulness at being removed from the anguish and torment of an active addiction There, the feeling may be rendered less than pure by the intrusion of a not-too-realistic sense that we have taken the step in a sense of self-enlightment but that, I think, is human - the feeling is there despite the impurity. But what happens to it?
Are we naturally ungrateful or are we just unaware? Have our defences become so deeply ingrained that we are blind to the very real rewards of sobriety? How else can I explain the somewhat uneasy feeling that sometimes others seem to recognize those things for which I should be grateful more readily than I do?
What about our expectations? Do they reflect a reality or are they distorted - blown up to a point of being unreasonable?
Recovery requires our sincere and constant effort and it is reasonable to expect rewards. But our expectation of reward must fall within reasonable limits. It does not often come in dramatic foot-high headline form but more often in slow, quiet, but nonethelesss significant realization of change - change that can lead to happiness if we but recognize and nurture it.
Then how do we recognize, become truly aware of these changes? Perhaps we need a check-list.
As members of the Donwood Community we have all, in the beginning developed personal health programs. We have outlined goals under headings of physical, social and mental health. What better check than to relate our progress to those stated goals?
Do we pass things off as being of no significance or are we merely unaware of them? Is it unimportant to feel so much better physically or should we recognize it? What about the renewed pleasures to be found in a good game of tennis or golf or just the sense of new physical vigour?
Can we overlook the easily offered acceptance that is shown to us even by those we may have hurt? Are we prepared to see the return of trust and confidence placed in us by loved ones in spite of all that has gone before?
Do we really appreciate the new level of peace of mind that comes from the continuing effort to be honest with ourselves? Do we value the return of self-respect and self-confidence?
We have much to be thankful for, if we can be aware of it. To whom we show our thankfulness and in what manner is a most individual thing.
That we pause to do it is the important thing.
MIKE WILSON
DON SAYS:
Mike was on staff at the Donwood Institute in October of 1975 when he wrote this article. It is great and I would suggest printing it out and pinning on the bathroom mirror where you can see it every morning.
It seems to me that often we are unable to identify those things for which we should be thankful - we seem to be careless with our inventory of blessings.
There is, I think a strong parallel in our attitude towards recovery. Initially there may be a strong sense of relief, even thankfulness at being removed from the anguish and torment of an active addiction There, the feeling may be rendered less than pure by the intrusion of a not-too-realistic sense that we have taken the step in a sense of self-enlightment but that, I think, is human - the feeling is there despite the impurity. But what happens to it?
Are we naturally ungrateful or are we just unaware? Have our defences become so deeply ingrained that we are blind to the very real rewards of sobriety? How else can I explain the somewhat uneasy feeling that sometimes others seem to recognize those things for which I should be grateful more readily than I do?
What about our expectations? Do they reflect a reality or are they distorted - blown up to a point of being unreasonable?
Recovery requires our sincere and constant effort and it is reasonable to expect rewards. But our expectation of reward must fall within reasonable limits. It does not often come in dramatic foot-high headline form but more often in slow, quiet, but nonethelesss significant realization of change - change that can lead to happiness if we but recognize and nurture it.
Then how do we recognize, become truly aware of these changes? Perhaps we need a check-list.
As members of the Donwood Community we have all, in the beginning developed personal health programs. We have outlined goals under headings of physical, social and mental health. What better check than to relate our progress to those stated goals?
Do we pass things off as being of no significance or are we merely unaware of them? Is it unimportant to feel so much better physically or should we recognize it? What about the renewed pleasures to be found in a good game of tennis or golf or just the sense of new physical vigour?
Can we overlook the easily offered acceptance that is shown to us even by those we may have hurt? Are we prepared to see the return of trust and confidence placed in us by loved ones in spite of all that has gone before?
Do we really appreciate the new level of peace of mind that comes from the continuing effort to be honest with ourselves? Do we value the return of self-respect and self-confidence?
We have much to be thankful for, if we can be aware of it. To whom we show our thankfulness and in what manner is a most individual thing.
That we pause to do it is the important thing.
MIKE WILSON
DON SAYS:
Mike was on staff at the Donwood Institute in October of 1975 when he wrote this article. It is great and I would suggest printing it out and pinning on the bathroom mirror where you can see it every morning.
IT HELPS TO LOOK BACK
Over the last few years I have been encountering an increasingly large number of people who seem to be able to stay sober for a few months at a time and then relapse. This pattern is then repeated - once, twice or more. Something is missing in their lives but they don't seem to be able to identify it. They have a certain air of hopelesness about them.
As we talk, it becomes apparent that while nothing specifically seems to be wrong, nothing in particular seems to be right. Smiles come fleetingly and almost grudgingly - there isn't the faintest glimmer of happiness present or even happy memories coming through.
I ask the direct question "Have you ever been happy?" While there are certainly exceptions, most answer yes. We then try to identify the period of time that is remembered as happy and the people and circumstances that were involved. Once again there are numerous exceptions but the following pattern emerges with great frequency.
Within this group the happiness period seems to exist between the ages 18 to 30 years. Some time within this period they have left home, become established in a job, married - some with young children. They are involved in a satisfactory relationship with friends and often have some degree of community involvment. All of these relationships make demands upon them but the demands are adequately compensated by the flow of returning rewards. The use of alcohol varies from occasional to daily at this point and is seen as "normal" by the person.
During the next ten to twenty years, the happiness and satisfaction derived from relationships diminishes in direct proportion to the increase of dependency upon alcohol. Many can recollect almost desperately wishing for a return to "normalcy" during this period. It is, perhaps, understandable that the use of alcohol is included in this desired state of normalcy.
Predictably, this proves to be impossible. Dependency increases to the point of almost totally obliterating the meaningfulness of all relationships. By the time of treatment, an understandable despondency may seem to blanket everything - where is there hope for happiness?
Well - in many cases I think it is "back there somewhere". I also think that the barrier to looking back has something to do with the definition of this thing called normalcy.
Why does it have to include the use of alcohol? How, in the light of all the grief, remorse and alienation that it has caused, can it possibly be included? Surely the real reward, the meaningful happiness comes from relationships - wife, husband, children, friends and fellow workers. Those relationships can be restored - can again bring the real and lasting happiness that has been lost.
Sure - it takes time, effort, understanding and goodwill, as do all worthwhile goals, but once achieved it could be the very thing you have been looking for - happiness.
Don't let some mistaken notion of "normalcy" blind you in your search.
MIKE WILSON - Mike was on staff at the Donwood Institute when this article was written in December of 1974.
DON SAYS: This is a very inciteful work, and just pulses with the experience this fine man has been able to impart to us. I personally can appreciate his work, as I have lived it.
In my own personal case, I found that it was a wonderfully vibrant time in my life when I first married my wife Diane. The job progressed, children came, and with all the involvement with four children time flew. I found that the job became more difficult, bringing pressures I had never had. The alcohol helped me to deal with the pressures, and the difficulties of bringing up children. My wife was the rock of Gibralter during this time, and I bless her for putting up with me. She stuck by me all the way through many tough times. There were ups and downs, but we made it, and this year (2009) we are celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary. Thank God for his tender mercies!
As we talk, it becomes apparent that while nothing specifically seems to be wrong, nothing in particular seems to be right. Smiles come fleetingly and almost grudgingly - there isn't the faintest glimmer of happiness present or even happy memories coming through.
I ask the direct question "Have you ever been happy?" While there are certainly exceptions, most answer yes. We then try to identify the period of time that is remembered as happy and the people and circumstances that were involved. Once again there are numerous exceptions but the following pattern emerges with great frequency.
Within this group the happiness period seems to exist between the ages 18 to 30 years. Some time within this period they have left home, become established in a job, married - some with young children. They are involved in a satisfactory relationship with friends and often have some degree of community involvment. All of these relationships make demands upon them but the demands are adequately compensated by the flow of returning rewards. The use of alcohol varies from occasional to daily at this point and is seen as "normal" by the person.
During the next ten to twenty years, the happiness and satisfaction derived from relationships diminishes in direct proportion to the increase of dependency upon alcohol. Many can recollect almost desperately wishing for a return to "normalcy" during this period. It is, perhaps, understandable that the use of alcohol is included in this desired state of normalcy.
Predictably, this proves to be impossible. Dependency increases to the point of almost totally obliterating the meaningfulness of all relationships. By the time of treatment, an understandable despondency may seem to blanket everything - where is there hope for happiness?
Well - in many cases I think it is "back there somewhere". I also think that the barrier to looking back has something to do with the definition of this thing called normalcy.
Why does it have to include the use of alcohol? How, in the light of all the grief, remorse and alienation that it has caused, can it possibly be included? Surely the real reward, the meaningful happiness comes from relationships - wife, husband, children, friends and fellow workers. Those relationships can be restored - can again bring the real and lasting happiness that has been lost.
Sure - it takes time, effort, understanding and goodwill, as do all worthwhile goals, but once achieved it could be the very thing you have been looking for - happiness.
Don't let some mistaken notion of "normalcy" blind you in your search.
MIKE WILSON - Mike was on staff at the Donwood Institute when this article was written in December of 1974.
DON SAYS: This is a very inciteful work, and just pulses with the experience this fine man has been able to impart to us. I personally can appreciate his work, as I have lived it.
In my own personal case, I found that it was a wonderfully vibrant time in my life when I first married my wife Diane. The job progressed, children came, and with all the involvement with four children time flew. I found that the job became more difficult, bringing pressures I had never had. The alcohol helped me to deal with the pressures, and the difficulties of bringing up children. My wife was the rock of Gibralter during this time, and I bless her for putting up with me. She stuck by me all the way through many tough times. There were ups and downs, but we made it, and this year (2009) we are celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary. Thank God for his tender mercies!
Monday, February 9, 2009
MAN AND MACHINES
We each have our own rhythm, - a moving, feeling, thinking speed at which we are most comfortable.
To maintain one's own rhythm is becoming difficult, if not impossible.
Could this be due to the impact of the machine? Where can one escape a whirring, pounding, sounding vibration from some kind of machine. Airplanes, trucks and pile drivers are only the most noticeable. What about furnaces, refrigerators, air conditioners? Even at a cottage in the woods there is usually a refrigerator and a pressure tank, to say nothing of motor boats and seaplanes.
Man responds to his environment; his survival depends on it - up to a point. By that, I mean responding to the machine may be his undoing. It seems that in adapting to the vibrations of the machine, we may lose our own. We become uncomfortable, we know not why. We struggle and flounder trying to resolve our discomfort. We take drugs or alcoholic drinks to seek comfort - our own rhythm perhaps? but in vain. The bar has air-conditioning, there's that infernal whirring again.
It seems to me my heart beats faster and my breathing is shallow because of noise. When running a vacuum cleaner I can hardly wait to finish the job so I can shut off the noise. How do you feel about lawn movers? electric saws? Maybe people have great big motor boats so they can get where they are going faster and then douse the din. Maybe the kids with the terrific intensity of sound in a rock band feel if they can't beat it they'll join it, so they practically raise the roof with the rock roar.
I remember walking on the seashore at Stanley Park in Vancouver and the waves were far from quite, but a pleasing sound. Then a ship passed by and we could hear the throb of the motors. This was a disturbance to me amidst the sounds of the sea. The vibrations of the machines in the ship were different and alien.
What can we do about these noises that are so much a part of ourlives? We need to discover our own rhythm and then work at retraining and retaining it. To discover your own rhythm you lie down on your back with your arms at your sides in a quiet room where you will not be disturbed. You let go and become more and more relaxed and limp. Then pretend you are standing and looking down at yourself and watch and listen to your breathing. Try not to change it. Just let it happen. You will notice that breathing is not just in and out. It is in - out - rest, in - out - rest. As you become relaxed the rest period lengthens. There is a longer period between breaths. As relaxation becomes complete and you give up trying to control your breathing, voluntarily you will discover your own rhythm. If your rest periods between breaths are brief you are a person who likes to move quickly and vice versa.
We tend to consider people who move quickly as superior to slower movers. Of course this isn't true. The main thing is that you will not only feel better working at your own speed, you will also accomplish more.
Perhaps an easy way to understand the difference in rhythms is to think of a time when you went walking with some one who, say, walked more slowly than you wanted to. Do you remember how tiring you found this?
It seems we must join battle with the machines. Only by determination and concentration can we hope to hold onto our own comfortable rhythm. We surely need at least two periods a day, when for half an hour or so we can give it our full attention. This will eventually lead to an automatic awarens of tension discomfort. Then we change our breathing voluntarily and get back on our rhythm beam.
MARY EPP
DON SAYS: Mary was on staff at the Donwood Instute in the 70's in a physical health position.
To maintain one's own rhythm is becoming difficult, if not impossible.
Could this be due to the impact of the machine? Where can one escape a whirring, pounding, sounding vibration from some kind of machine. Airplanes, trucks and pile drivers are only the most noticeable. What about furnaces, refrigerators, air conditioners? Even at a cottage in the woods there is usually a refrigerator and a pressure tank, to say nothing of motor boats and seaplanes.
Man responds to his environment; his survival depends on it - up to a point. By that, I mean responding to the machine may be his undoing. It seems that in adapting to the vibrations of the machine, we may lose our own. We become uncomfortable, we know not why. We struggle and flounder trying to resolve our discomfort. We take drugs or alcoholic drinks to seek comfort - our own rhythm perhaps? but in vain. The bar has air-conditioning, there's that infernal whirring again.
It seems to me my heart beats faster and my breathing is shallow because of noise. When running a vacuum cleaner I can hardly wait to finish the job so I can shut off the noise. How do you feel about lawn movers? electric saws? Maybe people have great big motor boats so they can get where they are going faster and then douse the din. Maybe the kids with the terrific intensity of sound in a rock band feel if they can't beat it they'll join it, so they practically raise the roof with the rock roar.
I remember walking on the seashore at Stanley Park in Vancouver and the waves were far from quite, but a pleasing sound. Then a ship passed by and we could hear the throb of the motors. This was a disturbance to me amidst the sounds of the sea. The vibrations of the machines in the ship were different and alien.
What can we do about these noises that are so much a part of ourlives? We need to discover our own rhythm and then work at retraining and retaining it. To discover your own rhythm you lie down on your back with your arms at your sides in a quiet room where you will not be disturbed. You let go and become more and more relaxed and limp. Then pretend you are standing and looking down at yourself and watch and listen to your breathing. Try not to change it. Just let it happen. You will notice that breathing is not just in and out. It is in - out - rest, in - out - rest. As you become relaxed the rest period lengthens. There is a longer period between breaths. As relaxation becomes complete and you give up trying to control your breathing, voluntarily you will discover your own rhythm. If your rest periods between breaths are brief you are a person who likes to move quickly and vice versa.
We tend to consider people who move quickly as superior to slower movers. Of course this isn't true. The main thing is that you will not only feel better working at your own speed, you will also accomplish more.
Perhaps an easy way to understand the difference in rhythms is to think of a time when you went walking with some one who, say, walked more slowly than you wanted to. Do you remember how tiring you found this?
It seems we must join battle with the machines. Only by determination and concentration can we hope to hold onto our own comfortable rhythm. We surely need at least two periods a day, when for half an hour or so we can give it our full attention. This will eventually lead to an automatic awarens of tension discomfort. Then we change our breathing voluntarily and get back on our rhythm beam.
MARY EPP
DON SAYS: Mary was on staff at the Donwood Instute in the 70's in a physical health position.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
COMMUNICATION
We communicate with each other in many ways--by our facial expressions, our body movements, through the sex act, even by the way we walk or the tone of our voice.
But most often we communicate with words.
The English language is a very precise tool, providing us with words to express just about any idea or feeling we might have. And yet we often have such difficulty saying what we mean to say.
One of the reasons for this is that someone else may not hear the same thing we think we are saying, even though they hear the words. Sometimes we hear what we want to hear, not what is really said.
Words or phrases may carry a different meaning for each of two people because they have heard them in different circumstances, in happy or unhappy surroundings, or used in different ways.
Often words get "loaded" - that is they carry an emotional load of meaning beyond the original one. Almost any sentence starting with "You always"...or "You never..." can be said to be "loaded" since they convey a whole host of overtones about the past as well as the present statement. These kinds of words act as roadblocks when we are talking with someone. They cause the other person to put up a wall of resistance that stops any meaningful communication from taking place.
Sometimes the hardest part of communicating with someone else is getting started. A smile may help; a word of praise about how the other person looks or something nice he or she has done recently may pave the way.
When speaking with another person, the short, simple words that come naturally are usually best. A large vocabulary or the use of a lot of "high falutin" words does not by any means automatically improve communication.
It may, in face, break it down altogether. One of the most inspiring speakers and writers of this century, Sir Winston Churchill, used the common, short words of the English language with enormous effect to inspire the British people during the Second World War.
Consider the lengths of the words in these two phrases "Never have so many owed so much to so few" and "I can only offer you blood, toil, tears and sweat". No multisyllabled, flowery terms - just short, blunt words. And yet how much they say!
If you are writing to someone, imagine the person is in the room and write just as you would talk to him. Pretend you are telling him about a thought or an event, and just put down what you would say to him.
Sometimes we want to talk to someone about a particularly touchy matter. After we have said something pleasant, the next setep may be to ask a question, trying always to be positive. Try "Do you think we could...." as a starter, not "Why don't we..."
One more thing. We communicate best when we are honest about how we feel. We don't have to hit the other person over the head with our anger or disappointment or whatever it is we are feeling, but pretending to agree when we don't, saying something is fine when it really isn't , or going along just to keep the peace is usually not the best answer. It builds barriers between people and does not solve anything. Maybe we have to wait until the children are out of the room, but the best way is to face up to our real feelings as soon as possible. "I hear what you say, I understand how you feel...it makes me feel upset (sad, angry, happy, whatever).
When we are really communicating we first hear the other person, then acknowledge to him that we have in fact heard him, express understanding and or agreement where we can, and then, in as calm and clear a way as possible express simply how we feel and what we think about the things he has said.
Communicatrion does not by itself mean understanding or agreement or finding solutions. But, without real communication there can be no real understanding or building or healing in our relationships with each other.
DON SAYS: Mary was on the staff at the Donwood Institute in the 80's. A very lucid and far reaching and concise article on communicating with fellow human beings.
But most often we communicate with words.
The English language is a very precise tool, providing us with words to express just about any idea or feeling we might have. And yet we often have such difficulty saying what we mean to say.
One of the reasons for this is that someone else may not hear the same thing we think we are saying, even though they hear the words. Sometimes we hear what we want to hear, not what is really said.
Words or phrases may carry a different meaning for each of two people because they have heard them in different circumstances, in happy or unhappy surroundings, or used in different ways.
Often words get "loaded" - that is they carry an emotional load of meaning beyond the original one. Almost any sentence starting with "You always"...or "You never..." can be said to be "loaded" since they convey a whole host of overtones about the past as well as the present statement. These kinds of words act as roadblocks when we are talking with someone. They cause the other person to put up a wall of resistance that stops any meaningful communication from taking place.
Sometimes the hardest part of communicating with someone else is getting started. A smile may help; a word of praise about how the other person looks or something nice he or she has done recently may pave the way.
When speaking with another person, the short, simple words that come naturally are usually best. A large vocabulary or the use of a lot of "high falutin" words does not by any means automatically improve communication.
It may, in face, break it down altogether. One of the most inspiring speakers and writers of this century, Sir Winston Churchill, used the common, short words of the English language with enormous effect to inspire the British people during the Second World War.
Consider the lengths of the words in these two phrases "Never have so many owed so much to so few" and "I can only offer you blood, toil, tears and sweat". No multisyllabled, flowery terms - just short, blunt words. And yet how much they say!
If you are writing to someone, imagine the person is in the room and write just as you would talk to him. Pretend you are telling him about a thought or an event, and just put down what you would say to him.
Sometimes we want to talk to someone about a particularly touchy matter. After we have said something pleasant, the next setep may be to ask a question, trying always to be positive. Try "Do you think we could...." as a starter, not "Why don't we..."
One more thing. We communicate best when we are honest about how we feel. We don't have to hit the other person over the head with our anger or disappointment or whatever it is we are feeling, but pretending to agree when we don't, saying something is fine when it really isn't , or going along just to keep the peace is usually not the best answer. It builds barriers between people and does not solve anything. Maybe we have to wait until the children are out of the room, but the best way is to face up to our real feelings as soon as possible. "I hear what you say, I understand how you feel...it makes me feel upset (sad, angry, happy, whatever).
When we are really communicating we first hear the other person, then acknowledge to him that we have in fact heard him, express understanding and or agreement where we can, and then, in as calm and clear a way as possible express simply how we feel and what we think about the things he has said.
Communicatrion does not by itself mean understanding or agreement or finding solutions. But, without real communication there can be no real understanding or building or healing in our relationships with each other.
DON SAYS: Mary was on the staff at the Donwood Institute in the 80's. A very lucid and far reaching and concise article on communicating with fellow human beings.
DEVELOPING A REASON FOR BEING
Perhaps one of the most important steps in the process of recovery, is the transition from one who merely seems genuine to a person who, for the most part, is genuine. In society today genuineness is rather rare and those who seek to be themselves find considerable pressure to be otherwise. During treatment something happened to put you in touch with the inner self. Often this occurs on the physical level first. A feeling of well-being, brought about by sobriety, exercise, nutrition, relaxation and an organized day. This experience however needs to be supported by some form of psychological breakthrough.
To accept the fact that there are problems, or to surrender to that word alcoholic, are the more common types of insight first experienced. If, what happens here is sufficiently meaningful, there usually follows a sincere desire to better know and understand the self and to find one's place in the scheme of things.
Too often the role of our follow-up program is not fully appreciated as a therapeutic method of achieving this end. Whether you are a local, or out-of-town patient, we recommend attendance at a weekly meeting with others, who are on a similar course of discovery. The key to success in this particular form of therapy, is prolonged regular attendance. Too often, the stress and tension of a group relationship produces feelings of indifference to the process, and in this lack of faith in the ultimate benefits, motivation wanes.
It almost seems as if we avoid communication with another because we are afraid, that in sharing, we may diminish our own personality or our potential meaning. Sometimes a patient will try to grow in isolation and sickness takes hold. Many of us fail to appreciate how the gift of our own personality and the variety of our experiences could enrich the mix. Rather we feel a threat to our ego.
Man, allegedly a social being, often feels more at ease with a wild animal. He somehow bristles at the appearance of another human.
To say that this should not be, is not enough. We must emphasize that while these stumbling blocks are part of our nature, they are a false message and lead to that disastrous path called "the easy out". Each and every individual has an essence of quality. None has been denied. This deep inner force can and will identify with others within the group. Given sufficient time this magnetic form of energy will seek out and share itself with others of like quality. Each will be different, each can either stimulate or console the other. Unfortunately these truths must be experienced to be fully understrood and appreciated.
The condition of the patient often includes damage to his own preceptions surrounding his deep inner self. His past experience probably produced habit patterns that tend to inhibit trust and a willingness to share.
Yet, for one to feel at ease with oneself, and with his place in nature, he must share this most precious quality. It is in this act that we find the centre of ourselves.
In the past we fled from responsible personal existence. Being unwilling to answer for our genuineness, we escaped into an unhealthy, if initially acceptable, lifestyle. We became responsible only to ourselves and in the end, opted out on that as well.
The clearest indication of our plight was our inability to listen or hear the voice of another. Part of the process of the past saddled us with guilt. In repressing our knowledge of this feeling of guilt we became emersed in it. As part of recovery, reconciliation and dealing with guilt must accompany this acceptance of responsibility. Often reconciliation with the offended, is not possible. What is possible, however, is reconciliation with mankind, and ourselves, through the process of a group experience.
Seen in this light, the regular evening meeting takes on a new significance. Here, among people with common problems, we can take the risk of exposing our inner self. Here, one night a week, we can be open, honest and genuine. No pretense is necessary. Here among the compassionate, we can talk of our feelings of guilt and our irresponsibilities of the past. Here we find an acceptance, an acceptance that not only affirms our existance but also affirms our significance in the lives of others.
It is all there for those who work at it hard enough and persist long enough.
It is a process of developing a reason for being.
DOUG MARTIN
DON SAYS: Doug wrote this article while employed at the Donwood Institute in August of 1986. A very comprehensive and well written article of learning our self awareness. Read it slowly, taking in every nuance and fact and I am sure it will be helpful in overcoming the sickness of alcohol
To accept the fact that there are problems, or to surrender to that word alcoholic, are the more common types of insight first experienced. If, what happens here is sufficiently meaningful, there usually follows a sincere desire to better know and understand the self and to find one's place in the scheme of things.
Too often the role of our follow-up program is not fully appreciated as a therapeutic method of achieving this end. Whether you are a local, or out-of-town patient, we recommend attendance at a weekly meeting with others, who are on a similar course of discovery. The key to success in this particular form of therapy, is prolonged regular attendance. Too often, the stress and tension of a group relationship produces feelings of indifference to the process, and in this lack of faith in the ultimate benefits, motivation wanes.
It almost seems as if we avoid communication with another because we are afraid, that in sharing, we may diminish our own personality or our potential meaning. Sometimes a patient will try to grow in isolation and sickness takes hold. Many of us fail to appreciate how the gift of our own personality and the variety of our experiences could enrich the mix. Rather we feel a threat to our ego.
Man, allegedly a social being, often feels more at ease with a wild animal. He somehow bristles at the appearance of another human.
To say that this should not be, is not enough. We must emphasize that while these stumbling blocks are part of our nature, they are a false message and lead to that disastrous path called "the easy out". Each and every individual has an essence of quality. None has been denied. This deep inner force can and will identify with others within the group. Given sufficient time this magnetic form of energy will seek out and share itself with others of like quality. Each will be different, each can either stimulate or console the other. Unfortunately these truths must be experienced to be fully understrood and appreciated.
The condition of the patient often includes damage to his own preceptions surrounding his deep inner self. His past experience probably produced habit patterns that tend to inhibit trust and a willingness to share.
Yet, for one to feel at ease with oneself, and with his place in nature, he must share this most precious quality. It is in this act that we find the centre of ourselves.
In the past we fled from responsible personal existence. Being unwilling to answer for our genuineness, we escaped into an unhealthy, if initially acceptable, lifestyle. We became responsible only to ourselves and in the end, opted out on that as well.
The clearest indication of our plight was our inability to listen or hear the voice of another. Part of the process of the past saddled us with guilt. In repressing our knowledge of this feeling of guilt we became emersed in it. As part of recovery, reconciliation and dealing with guilt must accompany this acceptance of responsibility. Often reconciliation with the offended, is not possible. What is possible, however, is reconciliation with mankind, and ourselves, through the process of a group experience.
Seen in this light, the regular evening meeting takes on a new significance. Here, among people with common problems, we can take the risk of exposing our inner self. Here, one night a week, we can be open, honest and genuine. No pretense is necessary. Here among the compassionate, we can talk of our feelings of guilt and our irresponsibilities of the past. Here we find an acceptance, an acceptance that not only affirms our existance but also affirms our significance in the lives of others.
It is all there for those who work at it hard enough and persist long enough.
It is a process of developing a reason for being.
DOUG MARTIN
DON SAYS: Doug wrote this article while employed at the Donwood Institute in August of 1986. A very comprehensive and well written article of learning our self awareness. Read it slowly, taking in every nuance and fact and I am sure it will be helpful in overcoming the sickness of alcohol
Saturday, February 7, 2009
I SHOULD LIKE ME - DO I?
Self study is an important method for detecting what's wrong. "You must become familiar with this stranger or acquaintance, as familiar as though you were acquainting yourself with a strange city, Montreal for instance....viewing it from many different angles; from the waterfronts, from the top of the Dominion Centre, from a park bench."
Becoming acquainted with oneself...self...analysis really...involves taking a pencil and paper whenever you're overcome by a feeling of worthlessness and writing down whatever comes to mind. Let the pencil freely write what you feel, regardless of whether "it appears trivial, off the point, irrational, incoherent, indiscreet, tactless, embarrassing, or humiliating."
Don't try to write down your thoughts at a certain time every day, as a task, on a schedule. Just let it happen. Use catchwords to capture your whole thought when writing fast. Then put away the paper, and days or weeks later, look at what you've written to see what it means.
Don't expect magic...a blinding flash of light, a EUREKA! and sudden insight. Study your notes for what arrests your attention, strikes an emotional chord. If nothing makes sense, if it's all puzzling, put down questions in the margin. Let your mind dwell on the notes and slowly, later, things that appear meaningless become clear.
Don't try to understand too much at one time. "Any relevant insight, needs time and undivided attention and concentration if it is to sink in and take root." This kind of detective work, tracking down one's own self, can help a person pinpoint what makes him dislike himself.
Listening to one's own speech habits, like those mentioned earlier, and catching oneself up on them is a help. "Why can't I ever look where I'm going?"..."What an idiot I am!..."Why did I say something so silly?... they must think I am a fool!"
Once you become conscious of making self-deprecating comments like these and consciously stop it, your opinion of yourself increases. A better habit is to emphasize triumphs.
Some people only pretend to downgrade themselves; they're really asking for more praise by deprecating themselves. "I could have done a better job, this really isn't good," a hostess says, serving dinner to her guests. She means; Tell me again how delicious it is. Still other people depricate themselves whenever they're complimented, to put down the friend who praises them, as if to say: YOU have bad judgement.
They reward a compliment with an insult. "This suit?...they say contemtuously when you compliment them on where they're wearing...."Why I only paid $50 for it in Eaton's budget store!" This kind of putdown can be corrected once a person becomes conscious of what he's actually up to.
We're all victims, to a certain degree, of a fairy-tale belief that we should be proficient in
dozens of things and should have bushels and basketfuls of accomplishments.
We should be able to make as superb a meal as the master chef whose recipe we've just torn out of the newspaper; we should dance with professional skill; we should be as good a conversationalist as Dr. Bell or Dr. Birtch. We run hard to achieve many such abilities... and when we fall short, our self-esteem sinks right along with it.
The fact is that no one can be really proficient in much more than his own speciality. Accepting that fact can be a tremendous relief. Doing one's own job well is sufficient.
When you do get a better opinion of yourself, everything approves. The two aims of self-study; To be less handicapped by fears, and to develop to the best of one's capacities.
This new self-respect, and self confidence frees you to develop your own assets and abilities. Whether in the kitchen, socially or at the office, it's easier to relax and be more productive, more fanciful, more creative. And, people treat you better, like you better, respect you more because you're happy with yourself and radiate good spirits.
You think well of yourself and so do they.
HERB WOLFF
DON SAYS: Herb was on staff at the Donwood Clinic in, I believe the 70's. This is a very deep and well thought out article.
Becoming acquainted with oneself...self...analysis really...involves taking a pencil and paper whenever you're overcome by a feeling of worthlessness and writing down whatever comes to mind. Let the pencil freely write what you feel, regardless of whether "it appears trivial, off the point, irrational, incoherent, indiscreet, tactless, embarrassing, or humiliating."
Don't try to write down your thoughts at a certain time every day, as a task, on a schedule. Just let it happen. Use catchwords to capture your whole thought when writing fast. Then put away the paper, and days or weeks later, look at what you've written to see what it means.
Don't expect magic...a blinding flash of light, a EUREKA! and sudden insight. Study your notes for what arrests your attention, strikes an emotional chord. If nothing makes sense, if it's all puzzling, put down questions in the margin. Let your mind dwell on the notes and slowly, later, things that appear meaningless become clear.
Don't try to understand too much at one time. "Any relevant insight, needs time and undivided attention and concentration if it is to sink in and take root." This kind of detective work, tracking down one's own self, can help a person pinpoint what makes him dislike himself.
Listening to one's own speech habits, like those mentioned earlier, and catching oneself up on them is a help. "Why can't I ever look where I'm going?"..."What an idiot I am!..."Why did I say something so silly?... they must think I am a fool!"
Once you become conscious of making self-deprecating comments like these and consciously stop it, your opinion of yourself increases. A better habit is to emphasize triumphs.
Some people only pretend to downgrade themselves; they're really asking for more praise by deprecating themselves. "I could have done a better job, this really isn't good," a hostess says, serving dinner to her guests. She means; Tell me again how delicious it is. Still other people depricate themselves whenever they're complimented, to put down the friend who praises them, as if to say: YOU have bad judgement.
They reward a compliment with an insult. "This suit?...they say contemtuously when you compliment them on where they're wearing...."Why I only paid $50 for it in Eaton's budget store!" This kind of putdown can be corrected once a person becomes conscious of what he's actually up to.
We're all victims, to a certain degree, of a fairy-tale belief that we should be proficient in
dozens of things and should have bushels and basketfuls of accomplishments.
We should be able to make as superb a meal as the master chef whose recipe we've just torn out of the newspaper; we should dance with professional skill; we should be as good a conversationalist as Dr. Bell or Dr. Birtch. We run hard to achieve many such abilities... and when we fall short, our self-esteem sinks right along with it.
The fact is that no one can be really proficient in much more than his own speciality. Accepting that fact can be a tremendous relief. Doing one's own job well is sufficient.
When you do get a better opinion of yourself, everything approves. The two aims of self-study; To be less handicapped by fears, and to develop to the best of one's capacities.
This new self-respect, and self confidence frees you to develop your own assets and abilities. Whether in the kitchen, socially or at the office, it's easier to relax and be more productive, more fanciful, more creative. And, people treat you better, like you better, respect you more because you're happy with yourself and radiate good spirits.
You think well of yourself and so do they.
HERB WOLFF
DON SAYS: Herb was on staff at the Donwood Clinic in, I believe the 70's. This is a very deep and well thought out article.
Friday, February 6, 2009
RELIGION - RELEVANT?
"If religion makes you sad, not glad, it's bad".
Hilaire Belloc, a more or less contemporary European philosopher and historian wrote those words in a book of poetry; he wrote poetry, usually in a lighter vein, as a hobby. Yet he did not write the above with tongue in cheek; he meant what he said; there's a great deal of truth in that statement.
I have found, since re-appraising my own religious beliefs and practices, that religion is a very real source of help. For this reason I would like to share some of my own thoughts and feelings; perhaps they will be of use to you.
Religion should give us an aim or purpose in life, it should provide some of the help and encouragement we need to face the daily ups and downs of life. It should give us the guidance and direction of the striving we need to enable us to grow constantly so as to live relatively mature human lives.
Perhaps we have not been looking at religion in this way. Many of us were taught to see religion as some super-natural force which would somehow transform us into disembodied spirits or angels of a sort. We are, however human and we cannot become anything more, but there is plenty of scope for growth and development before we are fully human. Religion can help us in this area of growth.
Religion is basically a relationship with a Higher Power whom we call God. It is a relationship of dependence, not one of absolute subservience. We must reasonably, not blindly, accept the fact that we have been created by Him, that He gives us as our goal the total developement of our whole human personality. He offers us the encouragement of His support both directly and through His other creatures whom He asks to care for us and help us when we need help - and He asks us to do the same for them.
One way we express our relationship with God is through prayer. This is really a form of true converstation with God; a sincere effort to achieve a personal union with Him. Perhaps we had some ideas about prayer which were neither realistic or helpful. Conversation, if it is to be meaningful, must be an honest open expose of ourselves; our thoughts, our feelings, our aims, our weaknesses. In the same fashion, we accept the person with whom we converse as being open and honest with us. Why should prayer, if it is really conversation with God, be different? Must we mouth someone else's thoughts and words? If this God is concerned about me, He wants to hear me. Why then, shouldn't prayer be similar to a meaningful conversation with friends, modified only by our concept of who God is, how we depend on Him, how we feel toward Him here and now?
Perhaps, like so many influences in our lives, we feel that religion has let us down. When we were drinking or taking pills, we prayed and no one answered; we tried to follow all the rules but it didn't turn us on. Just remember, our work didn't do much for us until, in a sober frame of mind, we rethought our relationship with it and made a more realistic approach to it. How much did our families mean to us until some semblance of sobriety let us see them without distortion? Perhaps we might see religion in a different light if we look at again with our minds a little more capable of sound judgment than they when we were drinking.
A sincere, honest and reasonable relationship with God, and through Him, with our fellow-men is one more asset we can acquire in our efforts to grow and mature ; religion can be a valuable help in this regard. Give this proposition some serious thought - discuss it with a friend. Be honest and sincere in your search; ask God, in your own way, for guidance.
What can you lose?
FATHER TOM COMERFORD
DON SAYS: Father Tom wrote this for the Donwood Newsletter in August of 1971. This is a very deep and comprehensive article outling his outlook on God, what is he? How can we use mental contact with him to air and reach a conclusion regarding our drinking problem. I found it enlightening. It will take deep thought.
Hilaire Belloc, a more or less contemporary European philosopher and historian wrote those words in a book of poetry; he wrote poetry, usually in a lighter vein, as a hobby. Yet he did not write the above with tongue in cheek; he meant what he said; there's a great deal of truth in that statement.
I have found, since re-appraising my own religious beliefs and practices, that religion is a very real source of help. For this reason I would like to share some of my own thoughts and feelings; perhaps they will be of use to you.
Religion should give us an aim or purpose in life, it should provide some of the help and encouragement we need to face the daily ups and downs of life. It should give us the guidance and direction of the striving we need to enable us to grow constantly so as to live relatively mature human lives.
Perhaps we have not been looking at religion in this way. Many of us were taught to see religion as some super-natural force which would somehow transform us into disembodied spirits or angels of a sort. We are, however human and we cannot become anything more, but there is plenty of scope for growth and development before we are fully human. Religion can help us in this area of growth.
Religion is basically a relationship with a Higher Power whom we call God. It is a relationship of dependence, not one of absolute subservience. We must reasonably, not blindly, accept the fact that we have been created by Him, that He gives us as our goal the total developement of our whole human personality. He offers us the encouragement of His support both directly and through His other creatures whom He asks to care for us and help us when we need help - and He asks us to do the same for them.
One way we express our relationship with God is through prayer. This is really a form of true converstation with God; a sincere effort to achieve a personal union with Him. Perhaps we had some ideas about prayer which were neither realistic or helpful. Conversation, if it is to be meaningful, must be an honest open expose of ourselves; our thoughts, our feelings, our aims, our weaknesses. In the same fashion, we accept the person with whom we converse as being open and honest with us. Why should prayer, if it is really conversation with God, be different? Must we mouth someone else's thoughts and words? If this God is concerned about me, He wants to hear me. Why then, shouldn't prayer be similar to a meaningful conversation with friends, modified only by our concept of who God is, how we depend on Him, how we feel toward Him here and now?
Perhaps, like so many influences in our lives, we feel that religion has let us down. When we were drinking or taking pills, we prayed and no one answered; we tried to follow all the rules but it didn't turn us on. Just remember, our work didn't do much for us until, in a sober frame of mind, we rethought our relationship with it and made a more realistic approach to it. How much did our families mean to us until some semblance of sobriety let us see them without distortion? Perhaps we might see religion in a different light if we look at again with our minds a little more capable of sound judgment than they when we were drinking.
A sincere, honest and reasonable relationship with God, and through Him, with our fellow-men is one more asset we can acquire in our efforts to grow and mature ; religion can be a valuable help in this regard. Give this proposition some serious thought - discuss it with a friend. Be honest and sincere in your search; ask God, in your own way, for guidance.
What can you lose?
FATHER TOM COMERFORD
DON SAYS: Father Tom wrote this for the Donwood Newsletter in August of 1971. This is a very deep and comprehensive article outling his outlook on God, what is he? How can we use mental contact with him to air and reach a conclusion regarding our drinking problem. I found it enlightening. It will take deep thought.
THAT EMPTY FEELING
For many centuries it has been well known that poorly fed animals are poor workers. In spite of this knowledge, man is reluctant to correlate his own inefficiency with diet. Farmers take great care to ensure that the feed their cattle receive contains the exact percentage of protein for maximum growth; but how many of us take the effort to plan our nutritional needs to provide optimal out put.
In their search for food, animals are guided by instinct. If humans have this instinct, it is soon altered during infancy by a formulation of eating habits which are determined by many factors. The availability of food, the economics of the family and community, the ethnic and religious traditions, the discipline of the home, and the pleasant and unpleasant experiences associated with food are but a few of the reasons for our food preferences. This conditioning process can make food selection unreliable unless there is a conscious awareness and interest in what we should eat. If we wait until our body tells us we need fuel to keep going it may be too late. For many of us, this "empty" feeling has been associated with having a drink. If we find ourselves skipping meals, take it as a warning signal and ask ourselves - "Why am I skipping breakfast, or "Why am I not taking time for lunch?"
Our custom of eating three meals a day is based more on convenience than physiologic need. There may often be times when meals are as much as six hours apart during the day.
Experience in industry has shown the value to worker productivity of additional rest periods particularly when associated with food. The view is widely held that between-meal snacks increase work performance and lessen fatigue.
Since fatigue often results from an inadequate or irregular protein intake, complete protein should be included in each meal. In fact, a good rule of thumb is to to take a complete protein meal every four hours during the waking day to help keep the blood sugar level fairly constant, and help maintain a feeling of well-being.
A good between-meal snack is milk; the carbohydrate in milk (Galactose) is absorbed into the blood stream rapidly to give quick energy, and the protein in milk has a much slower rate of absorption to provide "staying power".
The need for protein is especially important at breakfast; as nearly fifteen hours may have elapsed since the last meal, and in many cases lunch is another five hours away. "Have a good breakfast" is a popular cliche often ignored today, even though most people realize that the missed breakfast results in decreased efficiency during the late morning hours. Research has shown that subjects do significantly more work when dietary regimen includes an adequate breakfast than when it is omitted. Data also seems to indicate that an adequate breakfast is better economy as far as capacity to do work is concerned than the substitution of a mid-morning break.
A conventional breakfast of fruit, cereal,bacon and eggs is good; but for some of us there are other ways to make breakfasts more enoyable and tolerable.
As I am mostly concerned with the protein content of your breakfast, I will discuss only this aspect. Milk can be taken by itself, on cereal, in an eggnog, instant breakfast or milkshake. Eggs can be poached, scrambled, boiled, fried, hard-cooked, whipped in an omelet, blended into an eggnog, or used as a dip for French toast.
Any meat you desire is acceptable as a breakfast food; bacon, pork sausages, ham, steak, kidneys, chops, beef sandwiches, or sliced chicken sandwiches. Sliced processed cheese can be placed on bread and broiled until golden brown; cheddar cheese is great with biscuits, cottage cheese and fruit are a fast, nutritious combination. Be daring some morning and try an English breakfast of kippered herring!
You may ask; "But when I am not hungry why should I bother eating?". This is the time to ask yourself; "Why am I not hungry?". Take it as a warning of some other feeling and eat something".
ELIZABETH SNELL
DON SAYS: At the time of this writing in 1970 Elizabeth Snell was in charch of Nutrition at the Donwood. She makes an excellent case for the fact that hunger or lack of it can be a warning of a desire to resume drinking. I have often associated meals and drinking, and it is easy to fall back into the old ways. In cooperation with your wife or significant other, plan your daily food intake carefully with the object in mind that you want to avoid that "empty feeling".
In their search for food, animals are guided by instinct. If humans have this instinct, it is soon altered during infancy by a formulation of eating habits which are determined by many factors. The availability of food, the economics of the family and community, the ethnic and religious traditions, the discipline of the home, and the pleasant and unpleasant experiences associated with food are but a few of the reasons for our food preferences. This conditioning process can make food selection unreliable unless there is a conscious awareness and interest in what we should eat. If we wait until our body tells us we need fuel to keep going it may be too late. For many of us, this "empty" feeling has been associated with having a drink. If we find ourselves skipping meals, take it as a warning signal and ask ourselves - "Why am I skipping breakfast, or "Why am I not taking time for lunch?"
Our custom of eating three meals a day is based more on convenience than physiologic need. There may often be times when meals are as much as six hours apart during the day.
Experience in industry has shown the value to worker productivity of additional rest periods particularly when associated with food. The view is widely held that between-meal snacks increase work performance and lessen fatigue.
Since fatigue often results from an inadequate or irregular protein intake, complete protein should be included in each meal. In fact, a good rule of thumb is to to take a complete protein meal every four hours during the waking day to help keep the blood sugar level fairly constant, and help maintain a feeling of well-being.
A good between-meal snack is milk; the carbohydrate in milk (Galactose) is absorbed into the blood stream rapidly to give quick energy, and the protein in milk has a much slower rate of absorption to provide "staying power".
The need for protein is especially important at breakfast; as nearly fifteen hours may have elapsed since the last meal, and in many cases lunch is another five hours away. "Have a good breakfast" is a popular cliche often ignored today, even though most people realize that the missed breakfast results in decreased efficiency during the late morning hours. Research has shown that subjects do significantly more work when dietary regimen includes an adequate breakfast than when it is omitted. Data also seems to indicate that an adequate breakfast is better economy as far as capacity to do work is concerned than the substitution of a mid-morning break.
A conventional breakfast of fruit, cereal,bacon and eggs is good; but for some of us there are other ways to make breakfasts more enoyable and tolerable.
As I am mostly concerned with the protein content of your breakfast, I will discuss only this aspect. Milk can be taken by itself, on cereal, in an eggnog, instant breakfast or milkshake. Eggs can be poached, scrambled, boiled, fried, hard-cooked, whipped in an omelet, blended into an eggnog, or used as a dip for French toast.
Any meat you desire is acceptable as a breakfast food; bacon, pork sausages, ham, steak, kidneys, chops, beef sandwiches, or sliced chicken sandwiches. Sliced processed cheese can be placed on bread and broiled until golden brown; cheddar cheese is great with biscuits, cottage cheese and fruit are a fast, nutritious combination. Be daring some morning and try an English breakfast of kippered herring!
You may ask; "But when I am not hungry why should I bother eating?". This is the time to ask yourself; "Why am I not hungry?". Take it as a warning of some other feeling and eat something".
ELIZABETH SNELL
DON SAYS: At the time of this writing in 1970 Elizabeth Snell was in charch of Nutrition at the Donwood. She makes an excellent case for the fact that hunger or lack of it can be a warning of a desire to resume drinking. I have often associated meals and drinking, and it is easy to fall back into the old ways. In cooperation with your wife or significant other, plan your daily food intake carefully with the object in mind that you want to avoid that "empty feeling".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)